Proud Can I Never Be Of What I Hate
by song.breeze
Summary: They're normal kids, and they make mistakes just like we do. And just like us, they're not perfect. We all crave a happy ending, but getting it is a lot harder than everyone imagines... LJ
1. Confusion

**Disclaimer: **Nothing related to Harry Potter belongs to me, and if it did I wouldn't be writing fanfiction. And that goes for all the other chapters too so I don't have to repeat myself.

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**Confusion**

_Dear Lily,_

_How are you? Sorry I haven't written, I've been at my aunt's house all month and Mum reckons we shouldn't be using owls around her, what with her being a muggle and all. I hope your summer's going okay – mine's been hilarious. Found any uses for the remains of your birthday present yet? _

_Talking of your adorable elder sister, how is she these days? Revolting as usual I suspect. And Juliet – how is she? Romeo's been hooting away all month. I'm sure he misses her, though he won't admit it._

_Write back soon – I'm having serious social retardedness issues after not speaking to you guys in so long._

_Remus_

Lily Evans yawned and stretched, squinting at the letter she had woken up to find lying on her pillow. She gazed around her small, cluttered bedroom, looking for her owl, who only answered to 'Juju' from anyone except Remus Lupin, her best friend at Hogwarts. If she remembered rightly, he had been the one to come up with the ridiculous names for their owls.

They had met in Eeylop's Owl Emporium on Lily's first day in the wizarding world. She had wandered into the shop more out of curiosity than of intention to buy an owl, as she wasn't yet familiar with their usefulness as mail carriers.

Remus had been the only other child in the shop, trying loudly to persuade his mother that he didn't need an owl, he needed a Niffler. Lily half listened to their conversation as she gazed at two young owl chicks, one tawny and one barn owl, who appeared to be sulking at opposite ends of a perch.

"Hey, you! Sorry, I mean –" Lily looked around, startled. "Sorry, I meant to ask – Nifflers are way better pets than owls, don't you think?"

Lily saw Remus' mum roll her eyes behind his back. She, like him, had sandy brown hair, slightly wavy. Her eyes were dark brown, but his were bright blue. Lily noticed pronounced frown lines on her forehead, although there were smile lines too. Evidently this boy was a bit of a handful.

"Well, I like owls --" Remus pulled a face "-- but I don't know what Nifflers are. Sorry."

His scowl changed almost instantly to a grin. "Oh, you're muggle-born?"

Taking a guess at what he meant, Lily had answered, "I'm the only witch in my family. That makes my parents muggles then?" she grinned at the thought of Petunia's face when she found out that 'normal' people were referred to as 'muggles' in the magical world.

"Yeah, I guess you're on your own then?"

"Yes, but I'm doing okay," she didn't want to be seen as vulnerable -- this boy seemed okay, but the barman in the pub had warned her not to broadcast her non-magical parentage as some wizards were prejudiced against it and would use it as an excuse to make life difficult for her.

"Want to come with us?" Remus had grinned again, a mischievous glint in his eye.

His mother had nodded. "Please do, heaven knows I need someone to help me keep Remus here in line," she stretched out her hand, and Lily shook it. "Alexandra Lupin."

"Lily Evans," she smiled, glad that this boy had chosen to befriend her. She looked back at the owls, which were fluttering their feathers crossly, upset at the lack of attention from Lily.

The attendant had come rushing over at the noises from the owls. "Can I help you two?"

"Yes please," Lily had suddenly decided. "We'd each like one of these owls." The attendant smiled and hastily opened the cage, eager to make a sale.

Mrs Lupin tried to hide her chuckle, expecting Remus to object, but he didn't. He looked over at Lily instead, with an expression that clearly said, 'This is war'. She just smiled sweetly at him, much to his mother's amusement. As they made their way out of the shop a few minutes later, cages under each of their arms, she whispered to Lily, "I'd watch out if I were you, dear -- his friends are quite the pranksters."

By the end of the day, Remus and Lily had been well on the way to becoming good friends. Mrs Lupin's advice had been entirely correct, however. James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew aided Remus in 'getting Lily back' all through their first four years at Hogwarts, their excuse being that she always retaliated. This was true, as Lily's dorm mates in Gryffindor Tower had turned out to be just as up for a laugh as she was.

As she reminisced, Lily had found her quill and ink amongst the jumble of parchment and books on her desk, and she sat down to reply.

_Remus,_

_Glad to hear you've been having fun. How are the other Marauders? I've heard from James but that's all. I asked about Sirius but he didn't tell me anything. He's alright isn't he? I mean, he never writes over holidays, I get so worried._

_Petunia's fine, although I'm afraid she's actually got some kind of mental issue. Her boyfriend seems to have got even bigger since I last saw him, but it's quite fun insulting him in front of her, as she's too terrified I'll turn her into a skunk to do anything about it._

_I went to Diagon Alley with Chrissy a few days ago to get robes, but we haven't got any of our books or supplies yet – well I suppose that's because the Hogwarts letters haven't come, so we don't know what we've got to get-_

"LILY!" she was interrupted by her mother calling frantically from downstairs, "POST!"

Lily crashed out of the door and thundered down the stairs. It had just hit her -- she was entering fifth year and had a chance of being a prefect! She hurtled into the kitchen where her father greeted her with a solemn expression.

"Is it from Hogwarts? Let me see!" She scanned the kitchen for the sign of an envelope decorated with the Hogwarts crest; lion, eagle, badger and snake.

"I'm sorry Lily," her father said. He had dark brown hair and brown eyes, which currently held a very sombre expression. "You're not a prefect."

Lily slumped into a chair at the kitchen table, trying not to let her eyes well up. After all, being a prefect wasn't that big a deal, it was just that she had tried so hard with all her classes and had even cut out a lot of the pranking so that she could become a prefect and make her parents proud.

She looked at her mother, standing behind her dad. She had dark red hair like Lily, but hers was flecked with grey. Lily wore hers long and tousled, whereas her mother had a short, neat bob. Lily had never mastered the art of looking sleek every day, as her mother seemed to manage. Her mother's brown eyes, so different from Lily's, were twinkling. Lily noticed that she was grinning.

"What's so funny?" Lily asked grumpily.

This time it was her dad who smiled. "You didn't really think I'd read your letter, did you? It's here." He handed it to her. Lily wasn't sure if she should be exasperated or relieved as she gazed at the envelope in her hand. She settled for something between the two.

"Go on, open it!" Lily's mum said, anticipation clear on her face. "And be sure to read it aloud!"

Lily obliged, removing the parchment from the envelope.

"_Dear Miss Evans…yadda yadda…welcome to fifth year…blah blah…we regret to inform you –" _she glanced at her parents, who were trying not to look too disappointed. She continued, "-- _that there will only be two prefects from each house in fifth year, instead of the usual three,_"she stuck her tongue out at her parents who soon realised she had been winding them up. "_Yadda yadda…CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW STATUS AS GRYFFINDOR PREFECT!_"

Both her parents rushed round to hug her, giving congratulations and scoldings in almost equal measure, glad that her daughter had been judged so worthy by her teachers and also amused at Lily for winding them up. But they did deserve it, after winding Lily up a few minutes before. All's fair in love and war, as they say.

Lily dashed upstairs to finish her letter to Remus, crashing into Petunia as she walked out of the bathroom, muttering about 'bloody feathery rats' and 'suckups'. Lily was about to apologise when Petunia's comments registered in her overheated brain, and she settled for a small 'hmph'.

"Aren't you going to apologise, freak?" Petunia screeched at Lily as she raced back upstairs to her attic bedroom.

"Only when you do, horseface," Lily looked back at Petunia, who obviously hadn't realised Lily had heard her comments. Lily was delighted to see that she had turned slightly pink. But then she thought that this was probably more from indignation and exertion than from embarrassment and regret.

Lily breathed deeply, panting slightly from running up two consecutive flights of stairs, and plonked herself firmly back in her desk chair. She looked up and saw, perched on the sill of one of her slanting windows in the roof, Romeo and Juliet. She laughed again at Remus' sense of humour, or lack of it. Romeo and Juliet -- they hadn't even liked each other when she and Remus had bought them on that memorable day. But now, she noted wistfully, they seemed to be getting along just fine.

"Waiting for an answer are you, Ro?" Lily asked, smiling up at the owls. He hooted in reply, ruffling his feathers impatiently. "Alright, alright, I'll get on with it. Won't be a minute."

_Scratch that, they have come. I'm a prefect! Prefect prefect prefect! Me, Lily Natasha Evans. A prefect. Wahey! Watch out – I've got the power!_

_See you soon,_

_Love Lily_

She rolled up the parchment and tied it to Romeo's leg. "Get a reply for me would you?" she smiled and said, "Thanks," as he hooted his ascent.

Juliet fluttered down into her cage which was balanced precariously atop a combination of potions homework and letters from her friends. "Hi, girl," Lily said. Juliet flapped impatiently. "Want to fly off again, do you? I'll give you something to take, then you might get some treats for your flight back." Juliet seemed to like this idea, as she flew onto the surface of the desk and watched interestedly as Lily began another letter.

_Dear Sirius,_

_How are you? I wonder if there's any point in trying to contact you in the holidays, as I've never yet had an answer, but I think it's a bit stupid not to. I hope your summer's going okay. What do you normally do anyway? You really ought to tell me more, especially as we're supposed to be going out now. I mean, I know it was only a couple of weeks before the end of term and we're not exactly proper boyfriend and girlfriend, but I really think we ought to talk more._

_My mum and dad managed to find out about you (probably Remus' fault), and they were wondering if you and he would like to come round for dinner some time. After all, being muggles, they don't know many wizards and they're very enthusiastic about meeting all my friends._

_Hope to hear from you soon (if at all), but if not I might see you at Diagon Alley on August 29th. James said something about us all getting together then to get our school stuff,_

_Lily_

She tossed her hair out of her face, thinking absent-mindedly that she would have to get it cut, and attached the letter to Juliet's leg. She soared out of the window and Lily sighed. She was alone again, waiting for the first of September to come around. She couldn't talk to Petunia about 'freak school', and, much as they tried, her parents just couldn't understand the mind of a 15 year old girl, magical or not.

She could talk to Remus, but he was a guy and bothering him too much about Sirius and other teenage-girl-things would probably annoy him. Her best girl friend, Chrissy, had just gone on holiday in South Africa, and she didn't want to bother her. Anyway, Chrissy had been bothered about the Lily/Sirius relationship as she had liked Sirius for large periods of second and third year, and Lily suspected there was still a little bit of her that liked Sirius, though she was loath to admit it.

There was James, she supposed, but she really wasn't sure about him. He was a strange one, James Potter, a combination of quiet, thoughtful and sensitive and brash, cocky and loud. She hardly knew him really, apart from being familiar with his pranks. He evidently had a good sense of humour anyway, even if she was often on the receiving end of his jokes.

James was Sirius' best friend and the best person to ask about anything 'Sirius', but aside from asking after Sirius' welfare, she didn't know what else to say. She could hardly go into her worries about their relationship with James. Heck, she wouldn't mention it to any of her girlfriends, aside from Chrissy anyway, so why should she mention it to Potter?

Lily didn't want anyone to know of her worries that Sirius was embarrassed of her. Why he would be embarrassed of her she didn't know, but all she knew was that he never contacted her in the holidays, and wouldn't let her meet his family or some of his friends. Sirius wasn't bothered about her being muggle-born, but she couldn't think what else it could possibly be.

Lily looked up from her thoughtful stupor to see Romeo returning to her window. One advantage of being friends with Remus was that he only lived 10 miles or so away, and the swift-flying owls could make the journey in almost no time. Of course, for the purebloods it was easier: they could just Floo to their friends' houses whenever they felt the urge, but as Lily's parents were muggles, they were not connected to the Floo network.

The letter read:

_Lily,_

_Don't be so worried about Sirius. He'll reply when he's got something to say – you know what he's like. And no there's nothing wrong with him. Well, aside from the obvious mental problems. Petunia's got them too? I'll ask Sirius to pay her a visit and suggest they start a club or something._

_You're a prefect? Well done Lils! And I'm positively quaking in my metaphorical boots at the thought of you having power. There's one slight issue though – hate to burst your bubble, but you're not the only one with the power. They picked me too!_

_Mum wants to know if you and James want to come and stay with us for the end of the holidays – 25th August okay with you? Come round in the afternoon some time. Let me know if that's an issue,_

_Remus_

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I've edited this chapter and made it longer, and I'm hoping it'll encourage people to **REVIEW**. Oh, and I'll only be writing notes at the end of chapters from now on. 

Becca


	2. Luck

**Luck**

Lily was just sitting down to lunch with her parents (Petunia was out shopping with Vernon, thankfully) when she heard a screech from upstairs. "Be right back," she yelled as she swung out the door and sprinted up the stairs.

Mrs Evans sighed and looked at her husband. "Where does that girl get her energy?"

He shook his head in reply. "And where can I get some; that's what I'd like to know."

Lily wasn't listening, but racing through the door of her bedroom to find two owls sitting on her already cluttered desk. "Juju?" she raised her eyebrows. Juliet wasn't the type to bring home stray owls. But the other owl stuck its leg out and Lily recognised it as James'. As she went to retrieve the rolled-up parchment, Lily noticed something that disturbed her very much. Juliet's tail was in bloody tatters and her left wing seemed broken. Lily was amazed that her owl had been able to fly at all. But what did James Potter have to do with all this?

_Lily,_

_Your owl showed up at my house this morning in a right state. What on earth happened to her? I thought I'd send you a note to let you know. I'll try to keep her here as she doesn't seem able to fly too well, but she seems to want to fly off again._

_My mum knows a bit about owls – she did Care of Magical Creatures for NEWT or something. She says she'll see what she can do. She's got a friend who works in Eeylops who she says will give her some splints and bandages and stuff, so she'll come and pick your owl up this afternoon if that's okay._

_James_

Lily looked back at Juliet and James' owl. Juliet was giving her a death glare and the other owl looked inquisitive. She grabbed the nearest bit of parchment to scribble on, realised it was her Potions homework and promptly grabbed a different one.

_Dear James,_

_Thanks a lot. Tell your mum she's a bit of a handful and only to call her Juju, or she'll try to bite her hand off. Any time this afternoon's fine; it's lovely of your mum to do this. Say thank you from me._

_I don't know what happened to her, I just sent her to Sirius with a letter. That seems to have gone though, so he must have got it. Maybe she got attacked by another bird or something, I just don't know._

_Lily_

_PS. What's your owl's name? He's lovely. Snowy owls are so beautiful. I've been meaning to ask for a while but I keep forgetting._

As soon as she attached the letter to the beautiful owl's leg, he soared off out the window to wherever James lived. Potter Manor could be anywhere – she had never asked. She added that to the list of questions she meant to ask him.

"Right, Juju. Let's get you in your cage ready for Mrs Potter to come and get you."

Unusually, Juliet didn't bother complaining, just made her way slowly to the cage, not flying as she normally would.

Lily glanced down at the Potions homework she had nearly scribbled on, noticing a large bloodstain, presumably from Juliet, obscuring part of the title and a large chunk of text. Professor Darcy would not be happy. And she couldn't just magic it off either, it being the summer holidays – she would have to wait till she got to Remus' (her parents had given her permission to go and stay that morning) and ask his mum to remove it for her.

Sirius though…he had got her letter. He must have done, or it would still be attached to Juliet's leg. Had he replied? She looked at Juliet and saw no sign of anything having been tied to her leg. Whatever had attacked her couldn't have removed a letter. No human would have done that to an owl, especially one carrying such an unimportant message. And a bird of prey couldn't remove a message without a trace. It was clear to Lily that Sirius had never replied.

She sighed, wondering if she was wasting her time with him. He was a prankster and an aspiring ladies' man, but she could see that underneath all that he had a heart of gold. If only he would let it show more often. He was good looking and he knew it, with his sleek black hair that fell into his deep grey eyes (he swore fervently that it annoyed him, but he never cut it).

Like the other Marauders, and many teenage boys like them, he tended to let his arrogance and self-assuredness hide his true sensitivity. Whenever he was around his friends, Lily just didn't bother with him, but when they were alone together taking walks around the Hogwarts grounds or sitting in an unused classroom, he was so thoughtful and sensitive towards her that Lily didn't mind the way he sometimes behaved.

Remus, Peter and James didn't seem to be the best influence on Sirius, but the four of them were so close and knew each other so well that everyone knew there was no point in thinking about them as separate entities. James was the most outwardly thoughtful of the four, Sirius the loudest, but the two of them together were clearly the masterminds behind a lot of the foursome's pranks. Peter was hard to fathom. He was as amused by all the pranks and taunts as the other three, but was much more afraid of punishments and consequences. This, and his lack of the rugged good looks shared by the other three boys, made him the odd one out.

Remus had always been Lily's favourite of the four, and her best friend since first year. He tended to put a stop to the more potentially harmful pranks, seeing things from the victims' point of view rather than refusing to see past the humour as the others often did.

Lily had been the first to know of his monthly werewolf transformations. Remus hadn't told her himself, of course. He was too scared of people shunning him for who he was. At the time, Lily didn't understand this, but she knew now that Remus had been right to be concerned. She had been naïve enough at the age of eleven to think that maybe some of muggles' prejudiced ways wouldn't be present in the wizarding world, but this illusion was shattered as soon as she came to Hogwarts. Slytherins, naturally, were the main culprits of any abuse Lily faced for being muggle-born, and she had grown used to it. But racism and all sorts of prejudice were present in both the magical and non-magical worlds.

Remus' father had been the one to inform Lily of Remus' 'problem', as he had so delicately put it. On Platform 9¾ before Lily had boarded the train, he had told Lily to be careful, for Remus' sake and her own. Lily didn't know to this day if he had thought Remus would hurt her or if she would hurt him, or whether he was just concerned that Remus needed a friend to support him through the bad times.

That had been the only conversation Lily had ever had with Julian Lupin. He left Remus and Alexandra in Remus' second year, pulling his elder daughter Rachel out of Hogwarts to do so. According to Alexandra, they suspected that she had been enrolled in either Beauxbatons or Durmstrang to continue her magical education, but no one in the family had heard from either of them since then. Remus had coped with it remarkably well, confiding frequently in his friends and acquaintances. He had never been one to keep his problems bottled up, aside from one anyway. The other Marauders knew of Remus' secret, but for how long they had known, how they had found out, or how they had reacted, Lily hadn't a clue.

"Lily! Dinner! Come on, love!" Lily heard her father shout from the kitchen.

"Coming, Dad!" Stopping to quickly check on Juliet who appeared to be asleep in her cage, Lily walked slowly downstairs and sat herself down at the table.

"Are you okay, sweetie?" her mother asked, looking worriedly at Lily's vacant expression.

"Oh yes, I'm fine," she smiled. "Just thinking. Sorry." She looked down at her plate of tuna salad, just how she liked it. "Thanks, Mum. I'm starving!" Mrs Evans grinned and picked up her knife and fork.

"Tuck in then!"

After they had finished eating, Lily suddenly remembered why she had been late in the first place. "Oh, Mum. Juliet's hurt." Seeing the look on her mother's face, Lily quickly added, "It's alright though, James' mum says she can sort her out. She's coming to pick her up this afternoon. That's okay, isn't it?"

Mr Evans frowned. "James? Who's James? I thought you were going out with this Sirius bloke."

"James Potter," his wife said, trying to hide her smile at his reaction, "another of Remus' friends. That's right isn't it, Lily?" Lily nodded. "And she is going out with Sirius, but she's allowed to have boy friends to, isn't she?" It was more of a statement than a question.

"Oh yes, of course." Mr Evans looked slightly embarrassed. "I just meant –"

"It's okay, Dad," Lily grinned. "Anyway, I think Mrs Potter is coming on her own." She knew having strange boys in the house was not her father's idea of fun.

"So let me get this straight." Mr Evans had worked through a lot of the previous summers, so he hadn't met many of Lily's friends and tended to lose track. "You're going to stay at Remus' this summer. He's a boy, and he's friends with James and Sirius."

"And Peter," Lily added.

"And Peter. Chrissy is on holiday, she's a girl and she and Remus are your best friends. Am I right?"

"Yes, Dad."

Mrs Evans butted in at this point. "And James' mother, Mrs Potter, is coming her this afternoon to pick up your injured owl and look after her."

"Yep. Ten points to Gryffindor."

Her father sighed. "Very funny. Practising, are you?"

"Not really, Dad. Prefects can't give or take house points. They can give detentions, but only the teachers and the Head Boy and Girl can deal with house points."

Mr Evans shook his head. "I'll never understand that school of yours."

Lily grinned cheekily. "Neither will I, but that doesn't stop me confusing you."

Mrs Evans was vigorously cleaning the house all afternoon, with Lily's help, as she was always very enthusiastic about meeting anyone magical. She was often heard muttering about whether Professor Dumbledore was in the habit of stopping at pupils' houses for dinner. Lily and Remus found this exceedingly amusing.

Petunia came home at 3.30, but waltzed out again once she heard the news that a witch would be visiting the house, mumbling about picking up her legwarmers from her friend Bethany's house. Both Lily and her mother rolled their eyes at this. Mr Evans was in the garden enjoying the sunshine. His garden was his pride and joy, and he loved to keep it beautiful. He also enjoyed photography and took many pictures of the plants and animals which lived in the garden.

At 4.15, a knock was heard on the Evans' front door.

"Ah," Mrs Evans said delightedly, "that must be Mrs Potter. Answer it will you, Lily? I'll just get your father and take this mucky apron off."

Lily opened the door to a smiling woman with shoulder-length wavy black hair and brown eyes. Like Mrs Lupin, she had pronounced smile and frown lines, revealing the nature of her son's personality. She was wearing dark green robes not dissimilar to Lily's Hogwarts robes (apart from the colour of course: Lily had to wear black).

"Hi, you must be Lily. It's lovely to meet you."

Lily grinned at the woman's friendly manner. "Hello, Mrs Potter. It's so nice of you to have come. Come in, my parents are just –" she looked around, "-- there."

Mr and Mrs Evans stepped into the hallway as Mrs Potter came through the door. "Mrs Potter! Lovely to see you, I'm Heather Evans," Lily's mother shook Mrs Potter's hand, "and this is my husband, Robert."

Mrs Potter smiled again, looking remarkably like James as she did so, Lily thought. "Do call me Louisa. I'm sorry for my appearance," she ran a hand through her hair. "I've come straight from work. Otherwise I would have brought James with me too."

Lily looked at her parents. They, like she, obviously thought there was nothing wrong with Louisa Potter's appearance. A little tousled, maybe, but this smiling woman suited it.

This time, Louisa addressed Lily directly. "I work at the Ministry, you see. A friend there gave me a few pointers on owl care. I must say, my NEWTs were years ago." Lily grinned. She couldn't help liking Mrs Potter.

"Heather, Petunia and Lily, hmm?" she addressed this remark to Robert Evans. "I take it you like gardening?"

He grinned. "I do, as a matter of fact. But it's family tradition, really."

"Yes, my sister is called Violet and my late mother was Daisy. I've been trying to get Lily to call hers Poppy, but for some reason she thinks it's –"

"Tragic, Mum. Totally unoriginal." Lily smiled apologetically at Mrs Potter, who didn't seem the least bit perturbed.

"Where's this owl James told me about then?" Lily gestured up the stairs and Mrs Potter followed her up.

"Lily, dear, we'll be in the garden if you want anything." Lily nodded at her father and continued upwards.

When they reached Lily's bedroom, Louisa immediately spotted Juliet.

"Oh, aren't you a pretty one?" She smiled at Lily. "Juliet, was it?" Lily was about to speak when she added, "Ah yes, James said to call her Juju." Mrs Potter moved forwards and picked Juliet up out of her cage carefully.

"Romeo and Juliet; what will Remus think of next?" Louisa grinned to herself, shaking her head exasperatedly.

"You know about that?" Lily asked, intrigued.

"Oh yes, James told me. I've been teasing Remus about it for years. He doesn't seem to mind though. Anyway, this owl. She's got a broken wing and a lot of feathers have either been ripped out or are way out of place. That's going to make it very difficult for her to fly," Lily nodded, "so she's going to need to rest until her feathers grow back enough to fly again. I'll splint her wing now so she doesn't damage it any more but I'll wait to clean her up until I get home. James can do it, for that matter. Heaven knows, the boy's been doing nothing useful lately."

Lily grinned, liking Mrs Potter more every time she spoke. "Okay then, do you need any help?"

She thought for a moment. "Not really, thanks; it should be fairly simple. I could do with entertaining though. Do tell me about the boys -- are they as obnoxious as Sirius tells me, or is he just winding me up? James would like me to think they're all model students, but I'm not completely stupid."

"Well…" Lily chose her words carefully, "they're not exactly model students, but I wouldn't believe Sirius either." Louisa Potter grinned.

"Like mother like son, I suspect." Lily looked confused, so Louisa elaborated. "James and I: I was quite the prankster in my day, though I've never told him so. All he knows is that I was a Prefect and Head Girl, and in his eyes that means I was a suckup."

Lily grinned, finding none of this hard to believe. She had seen the mischievous glint in Mrs Potter's eyes, reminding her again of James.

"So, I hear you're dating Sirius Black." Lily nodded. "Good luck to you."

"I'll need it," Lily said truthfully.

Mrs Potter must have heard the note of sadness in Lily's voice, because she said, "How's that going? James doesn't tell me about it for some reason."

Lily was too busy thinking to notice the expression on Louisa Potter's face. She looked as if she were trying to tell Lily something.

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Please let me know what you think, as I currently have no idea how to write this. I'm just going with it, as I don't know how it seems to anyone else.

Becca


	3. Frustration

**Frustration**

Lily spent the remainder of her time at home doing – well, not doing that much to tell the truth. She owled her girlfriends Chrissy, Jessica and Cass, talking about anything and everything that came to them. She didn't talk to any of them about Sirius; Jess and Cassie wouldn't give her any helpful answers and Chrissy would probably give her a solution that she really didn't want to hear but made perfect sense. Often these answers seemed perfectly plausible and sensible at the time but turned out to be totally the wrong thing to do. Of course, even without Chrissy's help (which most of the time was, annoyingly, very helpful), Lily could usually manage to mess things up perfectly well for herself.

She also spent time with her parents, helping her mother to clean and decorate the house, or lounging in the garden with her father. Petunia was out with Vernon most evenings, and sometimes during the day. This was a mixed blessing, as Petunia was capable of making Lily's home life unbearable, but at the same time Lily was convinced that, given the opportunity, she and her elder sister would be able to work things out and become the way they had always been before Lily got that fateful letter inviting her to Hogwarts. From that day onwards, the sisters' friendship had ended, and something between jealousy and superficiality had intervened, on Petunia's part at least.

Lily hated their arguments. Every time she would have to fight not to be reduced to tears. At first she had been unable to cope with it and had spent most of her first summer holiday from Hogwarts locked in her room, hoping that Petunia would leave her alone. Over time, though, she was becoming gradually immune to her sister's taunts and insults. This was helpful in that Lily was learning to block it out, but the less painful it got, the easier it became to forget, and the quicker they forgot how things should be, the quicker their relationship would sink beyond salvaging point.

The last, and most frequent, thing Lily would spend her time doing was to lay on her bed and stare out of an open window into the sky, thinking for hours about herself, the people around her, the people she cared about and what their futures would hold.

Chrissy, her oldest friend other than Remus – she was a pureblood and tended to be clueless of the prejudice witches and wizards like Lily faced. Of all the things Lily ever needed to talk about, this was the one Christina Marsden couldn't understand, however hard she tried. Lily had found that it was easier just to go elsewhere for a shoulder to cry on. Chrissy's sensitive nature couldn't stand not being able to help her friend, especially as she already seemed to be frustrated by everything else going on in her life.

Carrie and Jess tended to be more understanding, but they were too perfect seeming for Lily's liking. Both naturally thin and pretty, they had loving families, good grades, and not a care in the world. Neither currently had boyfriends, which was good from Lily's point of view as that may just have made her spontaneously combust with envy. However hard she tried, Lily just couldn't be happy with herself.

She got good grades, great grades in fact. But they were just never good enough. Heather and Robert Evans had both graduated from Oxford where they met. In fact, they had both been each other's first serious relationship, so they were never really able to help Lily or Petunia with boy troubles either. In any other family, the girls would have helped each other, but not the Evans', sadly.

She also hated being friends with so many good looking people. Chrissy tended to be the one out of the four friends who got the most male attention, possibly because of her long legs, blonde hair and blue eyes, though it also seemed to have something to do with her apparently limitless self-confidence. Lily knew better than this though – underneath it all, Christina was one of the most insecure people Lily knew. But alongside her three friends, Lily always felt fat and frumpy.

Fat and frumpy were the wrong words though. It was more a case of being fatter and frumpier than her friends. She wasn't fat in any normal person's book, just compared to her friends. But she couldn't help thinking that, no matter how she looked against most people, her friends would be the ones people would compare her with.

She didn't dwell on this though. She spent her last day at home collecting together her Hogwarts things which had managed to spread themselves haphazardly around the house despite the fact that she only ever did her homework in her room.

>

On August 29, Lily kissed goodbye to her parents and left a note to Petunia outside her bedroom door. She figured that it was always worth trying, and at least with a letter she couldn't be on the receiving end of a stream of abuse as usual when she tried to talk rationally to her sister.

Alexandra Lupin collected Lily, explaining that Remus was waiting at home for James to arrive, and took her home just in time for dinner. The Lupins, despite being a pureblood family, weren't very well off (although no one ever commented on this as Remus had enough problems to deal with already) so couldn't afford a house elf. Alexandra and Remus usually made a joint effort on meals, and whenever Remus' friends were staying with them, as was often the case, they would all pitch in.

That evening they were having spaghetti bolognese. Lily could smell it as soon as she walked through the door. Despite having just travelled on the Knight Bus, Lily's stomach rumbled and she breathed deeply, inhaling the appetising smell.

"Argh! Lupin, why'd you leave a poker there, of all places?"

"Yeah, Moony, of all the stupid – hi, Evans," James Potter had just stumbled into the hallway from the living room, his messy black hair even more rumpled than usual and covered in soot. He pushed his glasses back up his nose and continued. "You okay? Your owl's doing fine."

"Ah, sweet Juliet…"

"Hi, Sirius," Lily grinned. She turned back to Potter. "I'm fine thanks. How are you? And your mum?"

"We're good thanks. Moony, a word if you please?"

Lily could hear Remus sigh from inside the room. "Gladly, although you two are blocking the bloody doorway so I doubt I have any choice in the matter. Hi, Lils," he added as an afterthought.

She grinned again and was about to reply, but James had shut the door.

"Where should I put my things, Alexandra?" she turned to Mrs Lupin.

"The usual guest bedroom, dear. You know the one?" Lily nodded and began heaving her heavy trunk up the stairs. She could still hear Sirius talking, however.

"Ah, Alex. Looking radiant as usual, if I may say so." Lily sighed. Only Sirius would think of calling Remus' mum Alex. He was as typically Sirius as usual, then.

"Sirius," Lily could hear the smile on Mrs Lupin's face. Everyone seemed to fall for Sirius' flattery, "where are yours and James' things?"

"Oh," Sirius sounded a bit perturbed, "we're not staying. Not tonight anyway, I don't think."

"Why not? Are you both alright? Is Louisa okay?"

"Yeah, we're fine. It's just -- well, you're probably best to wait for James."

Lily didn't bother listening any longer. It sounded like Potter and Sirius had got themselves into trouble over something. Probably left some Fillibuster's Fireworks in Mrs Potter's knife drawer or something equally stupid. She wondered why Remus hadn't told her Sirius would be coming though. He must have flooed from Potter's house. Ah well, it was a good thing really. She would have a chance to talk to him about why he never replied.

In fact, her chance came that evening after their delicious meal – the spaghetti had been followed by apple crumble and custard, one of Lily's favourites. Sirius headed upstairs alone and Lily followed. He seemed to realise he was being followed, as he turned around at the top of the stairs.

"Hi, Lily," he hugged her as she reached the landing.

"Hello, Sirius. How are you?"

"Ah, can't complain. Yourself?"

"I'm great actually, especially after Alexandra's cooking."

"Ah yes, my darling Alex. How I've missed her…" Lily tried not to laugh as Sirius stroked his chin, feigning wistfulness.

"Sirius," she interrupted him, "we need to talk."

"Hmm? Oh yes. Your room or mine?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Again Lily fought not to laugh, but gave an exasperated sigh. "Seriously, Sirius."

"Yes, I'm serious. Your room or mine?"

"Mine," Lily decided. She pulled Sirius by the hand through the door of the Lupins' guest bedroom and he shut it behind them.

Lily looked at the floor, knowing that if she let herself look into Sirius' grey eyes she would never be able to scold him. "Sirius, I don't know what's going on. This was all okay when we were at Hogwarts, you and me I mean. But now -- you haven't owled me since we got home for the summer; I've tried and I didn't get a reply. Remus said not to worry about it and that there's no problem, but it's not as easy as –" Lily tried to concentrate as Sirius played with her hair, twiddling it round his fingers and stroking the back of her neck. They were standing so close -- he must have stepped closer as she spoke, as she now had no choice but to look into his eyes. Nevertheless, she tried to continue. This had been bothering her for nearly two months; she wasn't about to let it go now. "And now I -- Sirius, are you listening to me?"

"No," he said, and silenced her with a kiss.

It wasn't like they hadn't kissed before. In fact, Lily couldn't remember where and when they had kissed, but this -- this was different. Instead of Sirius' usual playfulness, there was something else behind it. He seemed more…needy, desperate. Not in a sexual way, but she could feel it. He was holding her so close, closer than he ever had done, and when they finally broke apart he didn't let go. They stood there, arms round each other, for what would have been at least fifteen minutes before they were interrupted.

"Oy, Padfoot! What you up to in there?" Lily could hear James' voice at the door.

"What do you bloody think I'm doing?" Sirius' gentleness was gone. He pulled away from Lily and opened the door. "What do you two mongrels want?"

"Come and play quidditch with me, Moony won't play."

Sirius looked back at Lily who was staring at the ground, and said, "Er – okay then. I haven't been on a broom all summer, come to think of it."

He and Potter left and Lily was left staring at the ground.

"Lily," she jumped. "Lily, what's up?"

She heard Remus close the door and felt his hand on her waist, pushing her towards her bed.

"It's nothing," she heard herself say. "I'm fine."

"No you're not, Lils," he sat down on the bed beside her, his arm still round her waist. "What's he done now?"

She grinned, despite her annoyance. Remus always knew what was up with her, always. "Oh, nothing really, just – ARGH HE'S SO FRUSTRATING!"

"Ssh, keep it down Lily or they'll hear you from the flipping garden!"

"Sorry," she said in normal tones. "I tried to talk to him, I tried to tell him how I feel about him, and ask him what was going on, but he wasn't listening! All he wanted to do was kiss me! Argh!" For some reason, Lily was crying now. She couldn't stop herself. All the pent-up frustration of the summer was releasing itself and she had tears running down her cheeks. "Remus, what do I do? I like him, I really do, but when he won't listen to me, I wonder if it's worth it."

Remus sighed. This time he was the one staring at the ground. "Lily," he looked up at her, "there's something you need to know about Sirius."

Lily gulped, her tears slowing. "Oh God, he's not an escaped convict on the run from Azkaban, is he?"

Remus grinned. "Most things I wouldn't put past Sirius, but that? No." Lily grinned back. "Lils, has he ever talked to you about his family?"

Lily frowned. "No, he doesn't talk about much really." Now one lone tear was trickling down her cheek. She laid her head on Remus' shoulder and he moved his arm from her waist to her back. "Remus, that tickles! Stop it!"

She could feel him grinning. "Sorry. Well, you know his cousins?"

Lily racked her brains. "Oh yeah, Narcissa. And that other girl, what's her name? Bella wasn't it?"

"Yep. Bellatrix and Narcissa Black. They've got another sister, Andromeda. And they're all going to be married to the up-and-coming Death Eaters of the future. Bellatrix is engaged to Rodolphus Lestrange, Narcissa has a thing for Lucius Malfoy, and Andromeda – well. She's been out of Hogwarts a few years now. She was supposed to be marrying some other Slytherin sod, but she eloped with a muggle-born."

"So –" Lily was finding this hard to take in, "Sirius' cousins are on Voldemort's side?"

"His whole family is," Remus said sadly. "He and Andromeda -- they're the only decent ones of the bunch. She was a Slytherin so she didn't have any problems with her family until now, but Sirius –"

"-- Is a Gryffindor," Lily finished for him. "What about his parents though?"

"They're as dark as the rest. Not Death Eaters, but as close as it gets. Sirius backed Andromeda up over her marriage and fell out with his parents big time. His mother being the woman she is, they threw curses and hexes and God knows what else at each other. He carried on living there though, until something happened that was just the final straw, and he had to leave. He's staying with James now. He'll probably be living there until he's of age."

"Can he not go home ever?" Lily sounded shaken.

"No. His mother said –" Remus' voice cracked. "She said that if he ever enters that house again, she'll kill him."

"She can't mean that! He's her son!"

"No, she means it. She would kill him as soon as looking at him. As far as she's concerned, he's a traitor to the family name and doesn't deserve to live. His father threw him out with a bag of gold."

"Shit," Lily said. There didn't seem to be anything else she could say to convey her feelings about the situation. Fresh tears were streaming down her face and dripping onto Remus' blue shirt. "Sorry, Remus."

"Don't worry, I understand. It shocked me when I found out. I knew about his family being dark, of course -- all purebloods know each other and most are related, so we all know things like that. But you wouldn't know, being muggle-born. I kind of forgot about his family when I met Sirius because he was so different from all of them, so it was a shock for me too when I realised how many problems Sirius really has with them." Lily nodded mutely. "James told me what happened earlier. I don't think Sirius is up to staying with us at the moment." She nodded again, understanding now why Sirius had acted the way he did.

"So that's why he was so -- different. Desperate."

"Yes. Lily, you've got to be very careful with him. The only reason he's coping at the moment is because of James' family, because of his friends, and because of you. He needs you now. Whatever problems you have with him, try and understand that he can't help the way he acts sometimes and that arguing might be the worst thing you can do for him at the moment."

Lily was still crying, hating everything that Remus was saying. Although she knew he was right, this meant that she would have to put up with every little thing Sirius did, and -- well, if she wanted to break up with him any time soon, it really wouldn't be an option.

Remus could obviously tell what she was thinking, because he said, "Lils, it's going to be hard for you, I know that, but you've got to be strong for his sake. It'll all work out eventually and you can make things work the way you want them to."

"Remus, just -- just go. I need to be alone."

Lily spent the rest of the day mulling over her thoughts, not really taking in anything around her, even Mrs Lupin's cooking which she usually loved. That night, she lay in bed thinking about the way in which situations tended to make themselves difficult, however hard you tried to keep them simple.

* * *

Hopefully that was the end of the boring bits. Please tell me what you think and stick with it! I promise things will start to heat up soon. 


	4. Fear

**Fear**

The next day, Lily woke up in a much better mood than she had finally gone to sleep in. She had realised that not being able to break up with Sirius wasn't an issue, as she still liked him. So she was going to help him by being argumentative as little as possible and by doing whatever would keep him happiest.

James and Sirius had decided to stay at Remus' after all, as Chrissy would be coming to stay on the night of the 31st anyway, so they could all get together before school started. Since Lily was in a better mood, they spent the day shopping in Diagon Alley, shopping for all their school stuff. After a morning together and lunch in the Leaky Cauldron, Lily and Sirius wandered off together.

Lily's fingers were entwined with Sirius', and his thumb gently stroked the back of her hand. She loved him when he was like this, sentimental and caring. He became so much more serious though, not the happy-go-lucky joker she had fallen for. But it could only be expected, she supposed. He was going through some rough times.

"Sirius, I need a new quill, can we go in here?" She motioned at a shop door just ahead of them.

"Of course" Sirius kissed Lily's cheek, making her smile. He disentangled his fingers from hers and slipped his arm round her waist as they turned into the shop. She thought wistfully of how lovely it was to be cherished like this.

As they came out of the shop, Lily holding another shopping bag containing three new quills and some coloured ink, Sirius turned and kissed her full on the mouth. Surprised, Lily moved her hand slowly up to rest on his shoulder. She pulled away gently, not fully comfortable with public kissing. She heard a snicker and the couple turned to find Lucius Malfoy, a 7th year Slytherin, and a bunch of his cronies staring at them.

"What's the matter?" Sirius scowled "Can't get any yourself?"

"Quite the contrary, Black." Lucius sneered. "Like yourself, I have a gift with the ladies. I merely wondered why you picked a mudblood. Must be a damn good shag."

Sirius snarled, but Lily placed her arm on his hip and led him forcefully away.

"Leave it Sirius, it's not worth it. Everyone knows you're not like that."

Fuming, Sirius sat down at the nearest café table and Lily sat opposite him, dumping her many bags under the table. She took Sirius' hand and stroked the palm, trying as best she could to calm him down. He smiled weakly.

"Sorry Lils, they always get to me. Especially as I can't take anyone putting you down like that. You're worth so much more than everyone realises."

Lily was taken aback. She knew Sirius could be sweet, but he had never said anything quite so deep on the spur of the moment before. She felt herself smile shyly.

"Thank you."

They sat for a few moments gazing into each other's eyes before they were interrupted by James and Remus grabbing chairs and sitting with them. Lily sighed, wishing she and Sirius could have a little more time to themselves. Sirius held he gaze, apologising with his eyes. Lily smiled back at him, not blaming him in the least.

……

Lily was helping Alexandra lay the table that evening when Sirius poked his head around the door.

"Could I borrow Lily for a minute please?"

He gave one of his don't-you-just-love-my-adorable-little-face grins at Mrs Lupin and she said "Of course you can dear." As Lily looked back at her while being dragged out of the room by her boyfriend, Alexandra winked.

Sirius pulled Lily up the stairs and into the guest bedroom he was currently sleeping in. She raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged, laughing.

"Just thought we could get some more time to ourselves. Since we were so rudely interrupted earlier, I mean." Sirius gave a cheeky grin.

"Sure. So what exactly did you have in mind?"

Sirius grinned again. "This."

He cupped Lily's chin in one hand and softly brushed his lips against hers. She kissed him again, fully this time. He ran his tongue slowly along her bottom lip, making her shiver. She could feel him grin at this. He did it again and Lily parted her lips so his tongue was in her mouth.

They didn't break contact as they sat down on Sirius' bed. His hands were on Lily's hips and she held the back of his neck with one hand, letting the other trail down his side. They kissed some more, Lily's hand caressing Sirius' shoulder, his chest. He gave a little moan and mover his hands to Lily's collar. Slowly, tantalisingly, he began to undo her shirt. Lily didn't mind – they had done this before. Right now, she just wanted all of Sirius that she had missed in the weeks they had spent away from each other.

Sirius slipped Lily's shirt off her shoulders and began to kiss her jaw, her neck, and nuzzled her collarbone. She wanted him to touch her, but she wanted to be careful not to lead him on. She couldn't have sex with him, not here in Remus' house. Not at all really – she wanted it but was scared. She knew she wasn't ready.

Sirius undid Lily's bra and began to kiss the skin between her breasts. She moaned as one hand slid up her stomach and brushed across her breast, across her nipple. Sirius pulled his shirt over his head and kissed Lily's mouth again, breathing heavily. He massaged her breasts with both hands. She held his back, feeling the smooth skin under her fingertips. She felt self-conscious, as she always did in any state of undress, but her feelings for Sirius overwhelmed that.

Sirius' hands moved to her jeans. Lily wanted to tell him no, that she didn't want that yet, but how would he take it? She didn't want to reject him. Lily barely noticed as her jeans and thong were pulled down and Sirius began taking off his own trousers.

She just tried not to think about it as Sirius began to make love to her. She didn't want it, not now, but she did want him. After all, what harm would it do? And they had talked about it, jokingly in Lily's case, but if Sirius had taken it seriously she couldn't really back out now.

Sirius felt Lily twitch beneath him, and he spoke for the first time since they had begun to kiss.

"You alright?"

Bloody great question to ask her, that. But Lily just nodded, not letting the pain she felt cross her face. The pain subsided soon enough, but she just didn't get any pleasure from it. She moved with Sirius, hearing him moan and finally feeling him come inside her.

……

"Lils, are you okay?" Chrissy asked for what must have been the tenth time that evening. It was the night before Hogwarts started again, and the boys had gone outside (Peter had arrived soon after Chrissy) to play quidditch.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." Lily smiled at a totally unconvinced-looking Christina.

"Don't lie to me, Lily Evans. It's Sirius isn't it?" Lily nodded mutely, knowing there was no point in arguing with Chrissy. She always worked it out sooner or later. "You shagged him, didn't you."

"Yeah" Lily said quietly.

"Did you want to?"

"Yeah" Lily repeated.

"Wow, was it good?" Chrissy looked at Lily expectantly.

"Er…yeah" Lily didn't want to tell the truth. She would make both Sirius and herself look stupid, and she didn't want to tell anyone about her feelings afterwards, feelings of being used, feeling dirty and wretched. She didn't blame Sirius – it wasn't his fault. She never said no. But she couldn't look him in the eye now. Every kiss was cold to Lily. Evidently Sirius hadn't noticed, as he seemed happier than ever.

"Well seeing as you don't want to tell me about that" for once Chrissy hadn't picked up on Lily's misery, "let's talk about something else."

"Okay. How's your situation with Remus?"

It was Chrissy's turn to look miserable now. "What situation. There's never gonna BE a situation. Let's face it, I messed up back in second year and now I'm screwed. He may be my friend but he's never forgiven me for that."

Lily sighed. Much as she hated to admit it, Chrissy was probably right. It was a shame, as her and Remus were so perfect for each other.

"Don't be negative about it, Chris. Things will work out, one way or the other. They always do."

Normally Lily would be better at comforting her best friend, but tonight she just wasn't up to it.

"I guess." Chrissy didn't sound remotely convinced. "Anyway, how's it been here? Fun?"

"Yeah, it's been okay. Sirius and Potter have been here as long as I have, so it's been the four of us."

"Must've been damn funny." Lily shrugged and grinned. She hadn't really noticed what was going on most of the time. "You guys getting on alright together then?"

"I guess so. Me and Remus always do. It's different with Sirius now we're dating, which is weird, and I hardly know Potter."

"Hmm. You should get to know James better, he's a really great guy."

"Yeah, maybe."

"And cute."

"Mm."

"And I'm having his baby."

"Yeah, cool."

"But I may give it to Professor McGonagall for her to eat."

"Good idea."

"Lily, wake up! Sirius wasn't that good, was he?"

Lily heard this and blushed. But for a completely different reason to the one Chrissy was envisioning.

* * *

Right, I know I said L/J, but that had to happen. I'm sorry. It's the way the story goes. Please review! 


	5. Loneliness

**Loneliness**

"What's up? Still thinking about Remus?"

"Yeah. I know I shouldn't, but I care about him so much. He's so perfect, everything about him. And I can't help thinking that I'll never get the chance to be with him. I don't think he's ever forgiven me for how I hurt him. I know he can be nice sometimes, and I just light up whenever he speaks to me, or even if he glances in my direction. What can I do, Lil?"

"I really don't know. There's no easy answer though; if you really like him this much, there must be a good reason for it. I know people have told you to give up on it, but I don't think you should. Not until you're sure that's what you want to do. And at the moment I know you're not sure. If you wanted to get over him, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"I know. I know that and it's killing me. I want this to be over but I can't stop leading myself on. I can't stop kidding myself that there's a chance. A chance that he's forgiven me, that he still loves me. But how could he? After I've hurt him this much, there's no way he could still feel anything but hatred for me. If I was him, I'd never speak to me again. How could I have been so stupid? Stupid, stupid, STUPID!"

"Honey, it's not your fault. Everyone makes mistakes and not all those mistakes were yours. He'll see that. He's such a sweet and caring guy that he couldn't possibly blame you for all that happened between you. You were both young and, even if you'd done what he'd been hoping you would, there's no way of knowing if it could ever have worked out."

"But what if it had worked out? We could have got married and had babies and grown old together."

"And opened a llama farm."

"Yeah…WHAT? Llamas? Where did that come from?"

"Oh, nothing."

The two girls lay in silence, looking up at the ceiling, which was decorated, like the great hall at Hogwarts, to look like the sky outside. Tonight it was cloudy and the wind caused the clouds to race across the half moon, casting shadows across the girls' faces, Lily's head lying on Christina's stomach.

"Do you believe in destiny?"

"Yes. No. I don't know. I want to believe in it because then I wouldn't have to regret anything that had happened between me and…between me and Remus. I'd know that, whatever happened, we might be destined for each other. But what if we weren't? I'd spend my whole life dreaming of him when it could never happen because I was meant to be with someone else. One thing I do believe in is soul mates. Finding that one person who makes you feel complete."

"Would you know? If you met your soul mate?"

"I don't know. I'd like to think I would. Eyes across a crowded room, love at first sight," she neglected to say, "I think I already have."

"Is it pointless then, being in other relationships? If you feel nervous or afraid, or…lonely. Should you give up on it?"

"I suppose you should. But what if you made a mistake? You can't kiss every guy in the world until you meet the one."

"And what if it's not that obvious? What if you have to try for it? Imagine giving up on a relationship when it could have turned into the sort of love that lasts forever."

"Forever and a day."

"Why a day?"

"Lily, you just ruined it. That was a poetic moment and you had to go and mess it up by questioning my poeticosity and geniusness."

"Oh."

"Seriously though, if you thought like that you'd never want to let someone go. Imagine the pain and loneliness you could endure while hanging on for something that probably wouldn't ever come." Lily was quiet. "Lils?"

"Mm?"

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking…someone once told me that the man you marry will be a man you met in the first part of your life, while you're still getting used to what life means. And he'll be a man you found without having to look for him."

"Strange."

"Why do you say that?"

"It's true. Most couples I know have known each other for years before they finally get together."

"But what about the ones that haven't? There are a lot more that never met each other until halfway through their lives."

"Maybe they didn't, though. Maybe they met each other years before and never knew it."

"Like long lost…long lost soul mates."

"Yeah. Just like that."

"You and Remus…maybe you're meant to be."

"I hope so. I really do. I don't know why I feel like this about him, it's so stupid."

"Not stupid, Chris. Just…love."

"Love? Lily, I don't love him."

"I think you do."

"Well I think I don't."

"If you say so."

"I do."

Another few minutes passed, in which the moon grew brighter and the stars became visible, twinkling on the black satin sheet that was the sky.

"Do you love Sirius, Lils?"

"I – No. I don't. At least, I don't think so."

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

"If you don't love him, why have sex with him?"

"Why not?" a stupid answer, she knew, but she didn't want to give an honest one.

"Do you really think that way?"

"I guess so."

"Does he love you?"

"I don't know," another lie. Lily couldn't face admitting that she had lied to Sirius and told him she loved him when he said the same to her. A pang of guilt hit her. But how else could she act? To not reply would have hurt him so badly, and that was the last thing she wanted to do.

"Have you ever wondered if you're just in love with the _idea_ of being in love?"

"The idea of being in love…how can you feel the same way about that as about a person? The idea of love can't make you feel better about anything."

"But it can. Love can excuse almost anything, and the idea of being in love soothes guilt about --about whatever anyone might have done."

Lily knew Chrissy wasn't hinting anything about her and her relationship with Sirius, but she still couldn't bring herself to answer this. She wasn't pretending to love him, she just wasn't quite sure yet. She was sure she loved him, but it wasn't that simple. She hadn't seen him in so long – how was she supposed to know? She sighed.

"Chris, how do you really feel about Remus?"

"Remus…he's just perfect. In every way. Even if he ignores me or is mean or when he gets all stressed out over nothing, I think it's amazing."

"That's what love is."

"That's part of what love is. The other part is having it reciprocated."

"I guess."

"Is that how you feel about Sirius?"

"I don't – I don't know. I'm tired. I think I'd better sleep – school tomorrow."

"Night, babe."

"Sweet dreams."

"Ice creams."

Lily smiled, but it was a long time after Chrissy's gentle snores began that Lily finally drifted into a fretful sleep.

* * *

Right guys, I'm done with this one. I know it's short, so I'll try to get another one out later today - I've got one half done. Anyway, I'm a little disappointed that no one's reviewed since chapter one - 28 people have read this far and the story's on alert and favourites lists, so why did nobody bother to review? Is reviewing dead? Well I still review... **feel guilty people!**

Becca

Oh yeah, another thing - why have 27 people read chapter 3 and 28 on chapter 4? I don't get that. Why skip a chapter?

Also (having a forgetful day) I don't think I thanked the people who originally reviewed, which is v. ungrateful of me, so thanks to **juniesfishies** and **genies9**, you guys rock! I always write personal thankyous to reviewers, cos I think doing otherwise is just plain **mean**!


	6. Fatigue

**Fatigue**

"COME ON, BOYS! THE GIRLS ARE DOWN HERE WAITING! WE'LL BE LATE FOR THE TRAIN IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL!"

"COMING, MUM!" Lily heard Remus' voice from the first floor.

James came bounding down the stairs, his hair standing on end and glasses askew. "Mrs Lupin, Remus has lost his Potions textbook."

Alexandra sighed. "Tell the idiot I'll send it on when I find it, and get a move on all of you! It's a quarter past ten already!"

"Sh-sugar quills. I'll just go get them."

"Dear me, they've lost some sugar quills too? What are they like?"

Lily turned incredulously to her best friend. "Christina Marsden, just HOW blonde are you?"

Alexandra was laughing now, in spite of her aggravation at her son and his two best friends. Sirius came hurtling down the stairs carrying his trunk, crashed into Lily and promptly knocked her to the ground. He was followed by Remus (plus trunk), who descended in a slightly more dignified yet distinctly harassed manner. Then came James, who sauntered down with a cheery expression. How it was possible to saunter while lugging a _very_ heavy trunk was a mystery to Lily, but somehow Potter managed it.

They all managed to squeeze into Alexandra's car (magically expanded with permission from her boss at the Ministry of Magic) and arrived at King's Cross with 10 minutes to spare before the train left.

"Come on boys, give the girls a hand."

Lily and Christina looked at each other and tried not to laugh. Sirius and Remus looked like they were having enough trouble with their own luggage to help them. James, however, was looking rather smug. He didn't, however, offer to help the girls. When Remus (in between curses) asked him why, he said, "That would be unfair on whichever lovely lady I couldn't help."

All three women rolled their eyes and gave up on the boys.

The six of them managed to get through the barrier onto platform 9¾ in enough time for the five students to climb aboard the train and wave enthusiastically at Mrs Lupin. As the train pulled out, Alexandra yelled, "Oh, Lily, Louisa Potter sends her best wishes and says she'll have your owl on her way to Hogwarts in a few days."

Lily barely had time to yell, "Thanks!" before Mrs Lupin was only a dot in the distance.

The friends sat themselves down heavily. Sirius sat next to the window with James opposite him. Chrissy lounged between him and Remus, who looked amusedly at lily, who had settled herself with her head in Sirius' lap.

"What! I'm tired!"

"Ah Sirius, hear that? She only uses you for your incredible pillowlike qualities."

Sirius threw his coat at Remus. "Shut up, Moony. At least I have incredible qualities. Unlike you."

"Yeah," Remus muttered to Chrissy, "because I'd _love_ to be valued as something to throw at people when they piss you off."

She giggled, and Lily smiled at her. "Urgh, Lils, don't smile when your head's all sideways like that. You look really creepy."

"Thanks," Lily sighed. "I love you too."

"See, Padfoot?" James teased with a cheeky grin. "Now is when you find out she swings both ways…"

"James Potter!" now it was Lily's turn to be outraged. Then she grinned. "I'm sorry that I find none of you fellas attractive, but can you blame a girl?"

While Chrissy laughed hysterically, Remus said, "Lily, prefect duty. I almost forgot!"

"Bugger," Lily stated matter-of-factly. However, she managed to get herself upright and stretched. "Well, I'll see you guys later." She turned to Chrissy, who was still laughing at the slightly disturbed look on James' face. "If you see Carrie or Jess, tell them I say hi." All Chrissy was able to do was laugh in reply.

Lily and Remus left the compartment, shutting the door behind them. Halfway down the corridor, they could still hear Cassie's giggles.

As the train pulled in to Hogsmeade station and the group of fifth years stepped out onto the platform, the sky was clear and velvet blue.

"Wow, I'm glad it's not raining," Carrie Stevens proclaimed, shaking her blonde mess of hair.

"Excellent observation, Detective Stevens."

"Shut up, Jess." Jessica Radley grinned at her very bimboish dorm-mate, flicking her own dark pigtails over her shoulders. Jess was half English, half Indian and had inherited her mother's exotic features. Unlike Carrie, who was short and busty, Jess was tall and slim. Both girls were very striking but neither seemed to notice.

"Come on, girlies. Race you to the carriages!" Sirius started to run.

"CHEAT!" all four girl raced after him and Christina managed to rugby tackle him to the ground.

"Mercy! Have mercy! Lily my dearest, my love, my angel…"

Lily smirked. "Get him out of my sight!"

The girls dragged Sirius to a carriage while the other boys got into the one behind. There just wasn't room for seven teenagers in one.

Lily and Sirius faced question after question about their relationship and "hanky panky," as Carrie so delicately put it, but they both (and Chrissy, thankfully) kept their lips sealed. Not that this discouraged either Carrie or Jess, who didn't stop firing questions until they entered the Great Hall, dodging Fillibuster's Fireworks thrown at them by Peeves, whose pranks seemed to be getting steadily more dangerous as the years went by.

* * *

Professor Dumbledore stood to speak as the last of the students from second year and above filed in. The hall fell into hush, conversations and anecdotes stopped in mid-flow.

"My dear students, welcome back for another year at Hogwarts! I hope your holidays have been happy ones, and that at least a little of your knowledge has remained between your ears. Now, we welcome our newest members to the school."

The huge doors creaked open and Professor McGonagall, her dark hair pulled into its usual tight bun beneath her pointed hat, led a bunch of tiny first-years between the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables towards where Professor Dumbledore stood. Hagrid, the bushy-bearded gamekeeper, brought the sorting hat and its stool to the front of the teachers' table, in view of all in the hall.

As the hat began to sing its song, Lily didn't listen very hard. It was never as interesting as watching the reactions of the first years, most of whom had not been told about the extraordinary way in which it greeted them to the school.

One little girl in particular caught Lily's eye. She was small and pale, with long mousy hair. She looked very nervous, although not surprised at the sorting hat's ingenious song. The girl smiled in the direction of the Gryffindor table and lily turned to see who the smile was directed at. She saw Peter Pettigrew smile back at the girl and give a small wave. Like the first year, he had a rather pointed nose and pasty complexion. She was undoubtedly his sister.

As Lily watched the sorting, beginning with "Anderson, Marie," who promptly became a Ravenclaw, her suspicions about the girl were confirmed. Her name was "Pettigrew, Lucy." Gryffindor ended up with seven new first years: Laura McDonell, Francesca York, Adam Chatel, Joseph Valentine, Serena Lovelock, Josephine Pickle and Andrew Dillon. All of them looked oddly small and scared, but all had given wide grins as the hat pronounced their house. This caused the whole of the Gryffindor table to give them enthusiastic applause as they sat down; clearly the newest batch possessed the famed Gryffindor pride.

Lily enjoyed the magnificent (as usual) welcoming feast immensely, as she and Remus had missed the food trolley due to their prefect duty. Lily didn't mind though; prefect status was still too new to her for her to want to complain, however much her stomach rumbled on the journey.

When the students had finished eating and the golden plates became sparkling clean again, Professor Dumbledore stood again to address the school.

"Well, after another truly delicious feast, I think it is time for me to introduce to you the new Head Boy and Girl. Please stand, Matthew Kiedis," a tall dark-haired boy stood at the Ravenclaw table, looking slightly embarrassed, "and Bellatrix Lestrange!" this time a girl with dark curls and a smirk of satisfaction very unlike Matthew's rose at the Slytherin table.

Lily noticed Sirius narrow his eyes into a scowl. Well, that wasn't a surprise – no Gryffindor would be happy with a Slytherin Head Girl.

"They will be attending to any needs any of you might have through the year, along with their team of prefects," Dumbledore's eyes twinkled in Lily's direction before he looked to the other tables. "As I have said every year to no avail, the Forbidden Forest is, well, forbidden, and I would advise you not to enter it. I must also introduce to you our new Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher, Professor Van Spyk, and our new caretaker, Mr Filch."

Lily saw a stooped and scowling man who must be Mr Filch, and looked over at the teachers' table to see a black-haired woman with dark eyes and a rather offputting smile. She was beautiful, but Lily couldn't help feeling slightly wary of her. She reminded Lily too much of Bellatrix Lestrange for her liking. The new Head Girl got good grades, but was Slytherin born and bred and certainly lived up to the house's evil reputation.

"So, Peter," James said before Dumbledore continued, "still the only Gryffindor in the family, I see." Lily frowned slightly at this remark; she couldn't tell if James was mocking Peter or not, but the smaller boy didn't seem to have taken offence.

"Yeah," he murmured, "I dunno why I'm not in Hufflepuff like the rest of them."

Lily kicked herself for not noticing the house Lucy Pettigrew had been sorted into before. Poor Peter, one on his own.

"Now, on that note, bed! I'm sure you all need your beauty sleep so you can be ready for a day of wonderful lessons tomorrow! Prefects, please show the first years to their common rooms."

"Yeah, bloody wonderful. A day of lessons," Sirius said grumpily. "That man's bloody mental."

"Shut up, Sirius," Lily whacked him playfully on the arm and went with Remus to escort the first-years to Gryffindor Tower.

Surprisingly, Remus didn't mislead the new students, but did take them through a selection of secret passages lily had never known existed. Some she knew about, of course, and Remus seemed surprised at her knowledge of a few, including one behind a full length mirror which required you to distract the suit of armour beside it to get through. After showing the first-years their dormitories, Lily made her way up to her own dormitory and her bed beside the window where her trunk already lay. Without bothering to undress, she lay down and fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.

* * *

Yeah I know, it was short, but what do you expect when it's two in a day and no one reviews? At least 13 people read that last chapter, and did anyone bother? No. If it's crap and you don't wanna review, why read this far? And if it's good, please tell me so I continue and don't give up cos I'm really considering it. This story is really important to me and I don't wanna give it up, but not getting any kind of feedback is so frustrating! I don't know what I'm doing right or wrong or anything, so **please** review!

Right, rant over.

Becca ♥


	7. Laughter

**Laughter**

Lily awoke with a start and a yell as her stomach was compressed by a dead weight.

"Wakey, wakey, sleeping beauty; rise and shine!" Christina's voice yelled, going right through Lily's head with a similar effect to that of a pneumatic drill.

"Rise and shine? RISE AND BLOODY SHINE?" Lily screeched as she threw Chrissy off her, wide awake now. "Qu'est-ce que le point?"

"Aw shucks, Lils, don't go all French on me; you know I'm stupid."

"Shut up, you're not stupid. But I repeat: what is the point?"

"The point in what?"

"Waking me up this pissing early!"

"Er – lessons, Lil. You don't wanna be late on your first day, do you?"

Lily sighed, grudgingly. "I suppose not. Where are the other two?"

"Oh, they woke up of their own accord," Chrissy looked thoughtful for a minute, then added as an afterthought: "They're no fun."

"Yeah, cos having your kidneys crushed is hilariously entertaining."

Chrissy refused to acknowledge Lily's sarcasm. "Exactly."

Lily groaned and rolled out of bed, staggering to the bathroom. She threw open the door, then had it slammed in her face.

"Argh! Naked girl in residence! Get OUT!"

Lily muttered grumpily, "It's called locking the bloody door"

Jess had obviously heard, as she screeched, "IT'S CALLED BLOODY KNOCKING!"

Carrie breezed into the room just then, fully dressed and immaculately made up. "What's going on? Is everything okay? Wow, the weather's great! The clouds have disappeared!"

Lily groaned. "Bloody morning people…"

Once all the girls had managed to get safely dressed and down to breakfast, they noticed Professor McGonagall handing out their timetables for the year. Lily looked at hers after thanking her Transfiguration professor.

"Double Defence Against the Dark Arts first," she stated, as her friends looked at their own timetables between mouthfuls of bacon (James), pancake (Chrissy), crumpet (Jess), porridge (Carrie), toast (Remus), waffle (Peter) and black pudding (Sirius).

"Whf wf wfth?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full, carnivore."

Sirius emptied his mouth. "Chill out, Lily, just cos I'm not a rabbit like you." Chrissy snorted, looking disbelieving. James looked at Lily's confused expression and explained.

"Chris, he meant Lily's vegetarianism, not her desire to…copulate," he said, delicately.

"You sure?" Chrissy said, sticking her tongue out at an outraged Lily.

"Anyway," Lily said in a dignified manner, "we're with the Slytherins again."

"YOU'RE JOKING!" Sirius yelled at Lily.

"Bloody hell, mate – don't shoot the messenger!" James looked surprised at Sirius' outburst.

"Sorry, Lily." She smiled at him, not minding. "But we're with the sods for Potions, too. I don't know how much more of them I can take!"

"You're not the only one," Carrie said, uncharacteristically. She was normally the last person to speak ill of anyone. "I mean, I try to be nice to them but after four years of trying and failing I'm about to snap!"

Lily grinned. Carrie really was Little Miss Perfect. Religious, pretty, slim and clever she was all her pureblood parents could ever have asked for. No one resented this though – Carrie was too lovely to be jealous of.

"Come on, people," Remus said brightly, "tis DADA time and we have yet to terrorise our lovely new teacher."

>

Lily and Jess sat together at the back left of the class, with Carrie and Chris in front of them. This was their favourite position in any classroom: in the event of the 'silent writing' treatment, notes could be passed easily and more or less invisibly. James and Sirius were against the other wall, with Remus and Peter in front. Presumably they were applying the same logic as the girls.

Professor Van Spyk "What a name!" (Sirius) had left a note on the classroom door in a loopy cursive script written in red ink, which said:

'_I may be delayed. Please take your seats and unpack your things._

P. Van Spyk'

The Slytherins had no choice but to take their seats at the front of the room, having arrived later than the eight Gryffindors.

Sirius, getting impatient after around five minutes, suddenly said, (very loudly) "Where is the bloody woman? Probably off shagging some Slytherin creep in a dungeon. No bloody respect," he grinned over at Lily and was puzzled as to why she was looking so apprehensive.

"Well, Mr Black," said a silky voice. The class, who had been listening to Sirius' outburst, fell silent. "I really am intrigued as to your logic. Do tell me why you would draw up such a conclusion?"

Sirius blanched, while his friends tried not to laugh and the Slytherins snickered, a few giving appreciative looks to their new Professor. She had forsaken traditional black robes for a red silk blouse with matching pumps and black trousers. Her dark curls were loose, coming halfway down her back, and Lily thought that she would have been able to pass for a student herself, had it not been for the superior smirk upon her face. If she had been a student, she would almost certainly have been a Slytherin.

"I…er…you…er…you were late and…er…I…" he looked down at his desk.

Professor Van Spyk leaned down to his level and whispered, so only Sirius and James could hear, "I'll put it down to teenage hormones and uncontrollable jealousy for whichever lucky Slytherin that may have been."

Sirius gulped as she stared him straight in the eye, daring him to challenge her. He didn't.

"Well done, Black," she said. "You're quite right." She looked around the classroom and said, "Not about shagging in a dungeon of course, but about the fact that I am late." She had reached her desk by now and sat on it, crossing her legs and looking each student in the eyes, making them feel strangely uncomfortable. "This, of course, is unacceptable and, should any of you try it, there will be an instant detention and twenty points from your house."

"Whaaaaa?" James said loudly.

"Yes, Mr Potter?"

"Well you were late, so why is it okay for you and not for us?"

"I apologise, but as I reached the classroom this morning I realised I hadn't yet drunk any coffee, so for your sakes I excused myself to the kitchen. I know a lot of you are probably thinking 'bitch' already, but let me tell you – if you ever meet me without my daily dose of caffeine, you'll rethink the meaning of the word in your own personal dictionary."

Lily smiled. She was a coffee drinker herself.

"So, as I said, there is no excuse. I give out punishments harshly, but only when deserved. Anything, and I mean _anything_ that disrupts my lessons," she was talking mainly to the Marauders now, holding Sirius' gaze, James', Remus' and finally Peter's, "will be dealt with _very_ severely."

Chrissy turned around and raised an eyebrow at Lily. Lily shrugged, grinning. It wasn't often that the self-titled Marauders could be made to feel uncomfortable by a teacher, especially a new one. What this teacher seemed to have worked out very quickly was that teenage boys could be made to feel guilty only by an attractive woman. Evil or not, Lily felt she was going to enjoy being taught by Ms Van Spyk.

Lorena Marx, a malicious Slytherin girl, raised her hand.

"Yes, Miss Marx?"

Lorena said slyly, "Professor, I was wondering: did you go to Hogwarts? And how do you know all our names?"

The Professor looked calculatingly at Lorena and her smirk disappeared. "A fair question, I suppose, if a little nosy. Yes, I attended Hogwarts several years ago. And, for the answer to your second question, _I pay attention_."

Lorena nodded, and a second Slytherin, a boy this time, raised his hand.

"Mr Hersh, yes?"

"What house were you in?" She raised her eyebrows. "Professor?" he added hastily.

"That's better. I was a Slytherin like yourself." Seeing the looks on the class' faces, she continued. "But by no means will I discriminate against those who are not in my house. And if a Slytherin plays up, they will be treated as harshly as members of other houses."

Lily openly smiled this time, and when the Professor caught her eye, she smiled back.

"I can see this is going to turn into a full-fledged inquisition, so you may as well get on with it. I'll answer any questions you throw at me. Within reason."

With that, the class started asking questions.

"Professor, how old are you?"

"Twenty one."

"Why are you a teacher?"

"There was a vacancy, I like Hogwarts, I like terrorising people." A few people laughed, but some looked slightly nervous.

"Can you really teach Defence Against the Dark Arts if you've got that little life experience?"

"Yes." No one argued.

"Will we be working out of books all the time like we did with our other teachers?"

"Hell no. I haven't forgotten how to live like the other old buggers in this place," she paused for thought. "With the exception of Dumbledore, of course. If ever there's a man who knows how to live, it's him."

"What's your first name?"

"Ah, Mr Black…" Lily thought Sirius was pushing his luck with this question, but Professor Van Spyk's face didn't change. "Cheeky, aren't you? My full name is Petra Marie Van Spyk. But don't even _think _of calling me that, or it's detentions for the rest of your school career. And before you ask, yes, I do have the power to do that."

Lily suddenly realised that _P. Van Spyk_ had meant _Petra_, not _Professor_. Lily raised her own hand now.

"Ah, Ms Evans. I was wondering when you would make a contribution. I'm expecting a good question – don't disappoint me."

"Right," Lily wasn't quite sure what Professor Van Spyk had meant by that comment, but whatever it was, she wasn't going to rise to it. "Well, I was wondering why you're being like this with us? Most teachers wouldn't let us ask questions or say anything like what Sirius said earlier. Why?"

"Ah, an interesting question indeed." Petra Marie Van Spyk uncrossed her legs and looked directly at Lily. "I've realised that it is more effective to get to know people and apply knowledge afterwards than trying to spoon-feed you information. Has anyone ever noticed how much easier it is to help your friend with their homework than to try explaining something to a parent or teacher?" A few people nodded. "The same logic applies to teaching a class. If I know what makes you tick, I can teach you things in a way that you will remember. So that it will lodge in your brain instead of going in one ear, into an essay and out the other. I also believe in expressing opinion. I'm a very impatient person and I like to know what's going on around me all the time. That is acceptable for me as a teacher, so why shouldn't it be acceptable for you as students? I have access to information about you, so you should be able to access information about me. That is why I allowed you to ask questions. Also, I enjoy talking to people and if I treat you as inferiors, you will never be able to respect me as a peer in addition to an authority figure. This will make it impossible for me to teach you, to understand you, and to enjoy spending time with you. Does that answer your question, Miss Evans?"

"Yes, thank you, Professor."

"Right, in that case I think it's work time." A few people groaned and Professor Van Spyk gave a genuine smile. "I have noticed that this seating arrangement is not going to work. I am going to pair you up with someone more suitable and you will remain with them for the entire year. Unless, of course, I have any reason to rearrange you. I must tell you to trust me, as arguing will only get me mad and not get you anywhere."

People shifted in their seats, slightly annoyed but not wanting to argue. No other teacher had ever put them in a permanent seating arrangement.

"Naturally, I will not mix the two houses: I'm not into mass killing orgies." The girls giggled and most of the boys looked slightly alarmed. "Right, we'll start with the Gryffindors. Jessica Radley, Carrie Stevens." Jess raised her eyebrows at Lily and moved her stuff to Carrie's desk. "Peter Pettigrew, Christina Marsden." Chris sighed but smiled, moving over to Peter. "Remus Lupin, Sirius Black." Lily's eyebrows shot sky high and her jaw dropped. Two Marauders together? Not a good move in her opinion. "And that leaves…James Potter and Lily Evans." James got up, grinned at Lily, and moved over to her desk.

As their teacher paired up the Slytherins, James said, "Sheesh, I thought I was gonna have to work with a Slytherin for a whole year for a second there."

"I'm better than a Slytherin then?" Lily said, grinning.

"Yeah, course. I think this subject's gonna be alright now. I mean, the Professor – well – and I've got you to talk to. At least I didn't get Stevens."

"Carrie? She's sweet!"

"Yeah, but can you imagine trying to have a laugh with her?"

"I guess so," Lily thought about Carrie and James and decided that they were probably a match made in hell. Well, in boredom anyway.

Lily looked up at Professor Van Spyk, who was standing just in front of the blackboard.

"Right class, let's get started."

* * *

Rightie ho, thankyou time for you lovely people who reviewed!

**Weird Not Boring** Hiya, I noticed you added this to alerts or something, thanks for reviewing. Thanks for the encouragement, I really did need it :D

**HPBeatles** Thanks, I knew people were reading but it's just frustrating. I wrote a lot a couple of years ago, and to be frank, it was complete crap. Non-existent plot, pure fluff, everyone completely OOC...but I got about 250 reviews for each story! I guess I'm used to being able to get praise for complete bollocks, so I thought 'Aargh, is this even worse?' Have I already checked out your stories? I think I may have, but I'll check. Thanks anyway!

**DarkAres** Thanks for the praise. I see your point about Lily and Sirius not going together, but as you can see, she's not a happy Lily. Also, because this story is loosely based on what happened to me (me being Lily), I went out with a guy and had a Sirius-type situation, so I'm afraid it's gotta happen to her to. It'll work out in the end though.

**Alexa.G** Hmm, why the hehehe? Thanks anyways, lol.

**jumpernumbernine** Thank you! I totally know what you mean about being tired and just not being arsed. I'm like that with very important things like coursework. Blah.

See everyone, these wonderful people reviewed! Be like them! Do something for a poor English teenager...**review**!

I may not update too often, I'm hoping a couple of times a week if possible, but it really depends. I've just started Year 11 today for those other English people out there, and am doing 12 GCSE courses so I will have a LOT of homework. However, I am very happy as I got an A in the GCSE I took early and the guy I like has split up with his girlfriend! And I have a new matching beret, scarf and mittens! Wow! You may get a fair few updates in the near future due to my happiness haha.

Becca


	8. Anger

**Anger**

"So, guys, what do you reckon to our new Professor?" Jess looked expectantly at the boys. The girls had already decided that they all liked Professor Van Spyk, despite her blatant Slytherinness.

"She. Is. HOT!" Remus said, grinning.

"Hell, yeah," Sirius added.

"Er, guys – she's a teacher." Peter was always the one to point out any flaws in their ingenious theories.

"So?" James said blithely.

"Good point," Remus said. "Who cares if we get battered if we get to do her first?"

"Very, very true."

"Excuser moi?" Lily said, snapping them out of their daydreams.

"Mais oui mon petit pantalon?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, she's pretty intelligent."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, she's hardly gonna do any of you, is she," this wasn't a question; it was fact.

"Why not?"

This time it was Carrie's turn to contribute. "Firstly, who would?"

"Hey!" this came from all four guys. Sadly, they all had rather inflated egos. Carrie chose to ignore them and Chrissy continued.

"Secondly, you're fifteen years old."

"Sixteen!"

"Okay, Sirius, you're sixteen. Who cares? She still wouldn't go for any silly little schoolboy."

"Lily doesn't think I'm a silly little schoolboy, do you, Lil?"

"Of course not."

"See!"

"You're not a silly little schoolboy. You're a completely stupid, idiotic, immature little schoolboy."

"Hmph!" Sirius looked outraged and Lily smiled sweetly at him.

"Anyway, Padfoot," this was James, "you're sorted. It's the rest of us who need to get laid."

"Shut up, James. Get someone your own age rather than aiming above yourself like you always do," Lily was getting sick of the boys' egos, even Sirius'.

"Miaow!"

"Oh piss off, I'm going to the library."

Lily got up, threw her bag over her shoulder and left the Great Hall, leaving her almost untouched plate of food behind her.

"What'd I say?"

>

_Urgh, they're so annoying! I shouldn't let them get to me, but I can't help it. Potter's the worst. He just won't shut up about how bloody amazing he is, with his bloody messy bloody hair and his stupid bloody snitch. Bet he stole the bloody thing._

_Sirius is just as bad though, glancing at all the girls when they walk by and cracking jokes to try to make them laugh. I know he doesn't mean it but I just hate feeling so worthless. Token girlfriend or something. I know, let's play 'how many of the girls in the year can you have on your ex-list'. I'm just a bloody lay to him, am I? Stupid prick. But a stupid prick who loves me. I can't ditch him, I care about him too much, but I don't want to carry on like this, shagging him when he wants me to all because I can't tell him no. It's not that I don't want to, I just – it's not me. I shouldn't have done it in the first place, I…hell, I don't even enjoy it. I need to tell him where I stand. I can't tell him I love him any more. Trouble is, I already have. I can't just go back and tell him I thought I loved him but actually I don't cos he's an egotistical prick._

_I should think before I speak and get myself in stupid situations. It's all my problem, my mess. It's my problem Sirius thinks I love him and that I want to fuck him as much as he wants to fuck me. Why he wants to fuck me, I don't know. I wouldn't if I were him. Maybe he doesn't love me after all, maybe he's doing it all for some big joke. He's not doing it just to get laid, I know that. If he wanted to get laid, he could get someone much better than me. He wouldn't do that though. I know he cares about me, but I think he's kidding himself. He's got a messed up family and a messed up past, so he's trying to make the present as perfect as it can be._

_Fuck him._

_Fuck me._

_Fuck._

_Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!_

Lily cried and cried. She sat on the sofa in the corner of the library, her Defence Against the Dark Arts homework on her lap becoming mottled with tears. She cried for Sirius, for Petunia, for all the people's lives she was messing up. She cried for her parents, who were always disappointed in her. She cried for her friends who didn't care. She cried for herself, for all the damn stupid things she'd done, and all the things that could have gone right that had just gone wrong.

A pair of eyes watched her through a bookshelf, watching as she curled up, her chin on her knees, her work falling to the floor. She didn't even try to pick it up.

He walked towards her, his eyes not leaving her shaking body, racked with sobs. He sat down beside her and reached out to touch her arm with his outstretched hand. She looked up, her face streaked with tears, her eyes red and swollen and her lip trembling.

"J – Potter," she said, her look of fear replaced by a scowl. "Leave me alone."

"You really want me to?" he asked, looking right into her green eyes, now bloodshot but always sparkling with a passion, whether it be laughter, anger, hope or love. James reached out and pushed an auburn curl away from her forehead.

She didn't answer, but turned her head away from him.

James got up, and Lily heard him sigh. She watched him turn and began to cry again. "No, don't leave me!" He turned to look at her. Her lip was trembling even more now, and she looked so alone. "Please?"

He sat down beside her again and put his arm around her waist. She buried her head in his shoulder and cried. Somehow having someone there who cared just made it worse. Lily wanted to cling to James for dear life, not wanting to let go of the one person who had come to her rescue when she needed it most.

James lifted her gently onto his laps, both arms around her now. She cried into his shoulder still, her arms around his neck. The warmth of his body only made her cry harder, irrationally, crying now because the tears were still coming and she couldn't make them stop.

James' arms around her were what Lily had always wanted to feel. No one had ever been there for her when she needed it most. She was so used to crying alone that crying on a shoulder was almost a whole new experience for Lily. Her mother never comforted her when she cried. Lily doubted she knew how. Her father would do his best, but Lily just couldn't talk to him. Her friends were there for her, but she could never cry in front of them. However upset she was, she just couldn't look that stupid in front of people so apparently perfect.

Lily cried for hours, not stopping when the lights in the library began to dim, showing that Madam Pince, the young but terrifying librarian, would soon be coming round to throw out late readers.

James summoned his invisibility cloak from behind the bookshelf where he had left it and carefully placed it over himself and Lily. She looked up at him, wondering what he was doing, but he just said, "Ssh," and Lily buried her head in his shoulder again. James cast a silencing charm so that Lily's sobs would not be heard and rested his head on hers, feeling her warm silky hair against his cheek. James smiled and closed his eyes.

>

Lily woke up and raised her arm to rub the ache in her neck. Strangely, her elbow hit something warm and solid. And it wasn't her. It grunted and gave a little sigh. Lily's eyes widened in shock, and she looked sideways.

She was lying with her head on James Potter's lap. His hand was resting on her stomach. Her eyes widened further as she tried to remember what had happened. Surely -

But then Lily realised they were on a sofa, fully dressed, in the library, and the dawn light was just creeping in, bathing James' face in a weird grey iridescent glow. He was snoring slightly. As Lily remembered why they were there, she smiled and looked at her watch. It was 4.45am.

Lily got unsteadily to her feet, moving James' hand to lie on the sofa cushion and winced as she felt her aching limbs. She intended to go back to her dormitory and get some sleep and, more to the point, avoid awkward questions about where she had spent the night and with whom.

Lily bent down to pick up her things and nearly screamed as she saw James' – well, _didn't_ see James' feet. They weren't there! Then she remembered something else. His invisibility cloak must have slipped off them during the night. Lily picked up her things and searched for a piece of scrap parchment to write James a note. She didn't have one.

Looking at James' upturned hand, she had another idea. A way to wake him up so he could get back to his dorm and thank him without having to comfort him. She didn't want to face him after draping her sobbing form all over him the night before.

Lily pulled out a quill and ink and wrote on James' wrist: _Thanks._ As he stirred, she grabbed her things and scarpered. She didn't want him to see her leave.

Little did she know, a pair of bleary brown eyes watched her red hair fly as she turned a corner and disappeared from sight.

* * *

I came up with the idea for this chapter and didn't know whether to write it or not. It might have been better to leave it till later in the story, but everyone seems to want some L/J of some kind and at the moment, that's the closest to romance you're gonna get. Actually, that's pretty romantic, even if it wasn't meant in that way. But was it? Hmm, we'll have to see...

**vivphy05** Thanks for sticking with it. And also, you're the only person so far who's commented on the looming awkwardness, but it's gotta happen some time. They'll make it up though. We know they do, right? Thanks for having trust in my plot-writing abilities too - I promise I know exactly where I'm going with this. Hope you like the way it's turning out!

**Angel2510** They suck, don't they? GCSEs, I mean. I've just started year 11 and it SUCKS! We ruuuuuuule the school though hehe. I hope this is enough L/J tension for the time being. Don't expect things to be hunky-dory too soon though...tension is a good thing.

**Weird Not Boring** That teacher's based on a combination of me and my IT teacher, and the name comes from an alter-ego I have (long story). I'm glad you like her, I'm gonna LOVE writing about her. most of my teachers are boring but I make the most of the ones that aren't.

**HPBeatles **Hey Daphna, how's things? I love that teacher too - she's like me when I grow up muahahaha. I'm gonna be a scary evil teacher. Actually no, I'd be a crap teacher. Oh well. Anyway, I'm glad you're sticking with it...

So, I dunno how that was, but lemme know if you liked it, loved it, or just downright hated it. All you have to do is **review**!

Becca


	9. Anxiety

**Anxiety**

James watched Lily leave, a strange mixture of emotions filling him. He felt a sense of disappointment that Lily didn't want to face him (she was probably mortified at herself for crying on him, James Potter) that morning, but also happiness that she hadn't rejected his attempt to help her.

James didn't like Lily, not in that way. He had done, only months before, but when she began to like Sirius, he backed off and got over it. He had liked her because of her fire, her desire to seem invincible while really being so vulnerable. And she refused to show that vulnerable side to anyone, even Remus whom she had known for so long.

He wondered vaguely if, if it hadn't been for Sirius, he would still be ga-ga over Lily. He thought about the irony of having to reject one of Lily's best friends while Lily had wanted to know why. Of course he couldn't have told her – he would never have worked up the courage. He had made up something stupid about a family friend he was getting close to. Way to make a romantic statement, Potter. But now she was dating Sirius, and Sirius was the happiest he'd been for a long time.

Lily wasn't happy though. James had noticed that during the summer, but no one else had, not even Christina who was normally so perceptive. No one bar Remus anyway. The two guys had been the only ones to notice, and had discussed it many times since then.

"She'll realise in time," Remus had said. James supposed he was right, but it was painful to watch that process of realisation. And, knowing Lily, she would be torn between doing what felt right to her and doing what would make Sirius happy. But if Sirius was happy, Lily most likely wouldn't be. And that was no way for a relationship to be. Even James, with his limited experience of relationships (however much he bragged to the contrary) could see that. There was nothing he could do, though, apart from be there for Lily when she needed him.

James found himself almost wishing that Lily could be that upset again, just so he could comfort her and hold her in his arms. He had never been needed like that, never been clung to like he was the one thing keeping someone going. It was the best feeling he had ever experienced, being able to be there for Lily like that, especially as he had been longing for so long to be able to be that close to her. He thought, sadly, that maybe that chance was over now. He had intruded on her privacy and he wasn't sure that she was entirely grateful for it.

Lily had always been reluctant to confide in anyone, and to cry on the shoulder of someone who was almost a stranger to her, despite the four years they had spent in classes together, was very unlike her, and James was sure that Lily would be angry with herself for letting it happen, and probably avoid him as much as humanly possible from this point onwards. But she couldn't avoid him completely, thanks to their new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. James silently thanked the woman, Slytherin though she was. Some things were meant to happen, and James liked to think that this was one of them: Lily needed someone, and now she knew James was there for her.

As he thought of Lily, James looked down at his wrist and smiled. Clearly, Lily had indeed been grateful for any comfort she had gained from his presence. He read: _Thank you._

_>_

Lily walked as fast as she could without making a noise, thankful suddenly for her limited ballet training which allowed her to be so light-footed.

She was mentally kicking herself. How could she have broken down in front of anyone? James Potter no less. No one knew how she felt, and that was the way she wanted it to stay. But now Potter knew something was wrong, and, knowing her luck, he would probably tell everyone what had happened, and then Sirius would berate her for not confiding in him, Chrissy would be hurt that Lily hadn't confided in her, and Remus would be kicking himself for not noticing and confronting her about it.

Not just that, but she had cried on Potter, clung to him for dear life, and fallen asleep with him. That was not something you did while dating his best friend. If it had been Remus instead of Potter, that would have been forgivable. Everyone knew how close Remus and Lily were, and there would be no reason for Sirius to get jealous, but with James…if Sirius knew, he would assume the worst. Whoever told him, whatever they told him, it would mess Sirius up. He was so protective and almost paranoid.

Why did Lily always end up hurting people?

She knew it was her own stupid fault.

In some ways she hated Potter for not leaving her alone, but she knew that, deep down, she had wanted him to stay. And that was why she had asked him to. He was an egotistical prick, but Lily had managed to see the other side of him. She knew that he was a wonderful, sensitive and amazing person. And, above all, she knew that he cared about her. They hardly knew each other and yet it just felt so right to cling to him for comfort and she had had to fight not to spill everything to him, to tell him what was wrong. He had never asked, he had known that she didn't want to talk, she had just wanted him to be there, to know that he cared.

Lily had never found anyone else who could do that. No one who could make her feel as safe as James had in that one night. She needed a friend like him, someone that she trusted beyond everything and she knew, crazy as it sounded, that she trusted James with her life. She hardly knew him and yet she knew that he would never hurt her.

James and Sirius were so similar that they were almost the same entity. She had heard them finish each other's sentences and she was sure that they could almost read each other's thoughts. Yet Lily saw them so differently; James made her feel safe and secure, and comforted, while Sirius…Sirius scared her. Lily knew Sirius would never hurt her either, but he was so unpredictable, so sensitive, where James was so solid and reliable.

But it was not her place to compare the two. She was dating Sirius, he loved her, and she had never thought of James as a romantic interest in her entire life. Well, in the four years that she had known him. She found it amazing, though, that she had known him so long and never counted him as a friend. Somehow, in the one lesson they had spent as partners, they had managed to hit something off, and Lily had known, as she looked back at her Professor to see her give a small smile, that this had been Professor Van Spyk's intention all along.

As Lily entered the common room via a very disgruntled Fat Lady, she glanced at the fireplace. All that remained of the usually roaring evening fire were a few glowing coals. Lily shivered. She was so cold now. It felt like all her body heat had been left with James on that library sofa. She had never realised how much difference the heat of a person's body could make.

Lily looked around into the shadows. She had never liked the dark. She began to run up the stairs and didn't stop until she reached the door to her dormitory. She slumped against the wall and closed her eyes, her breathing heavy and her eyes wet with more unshed tears of frustration and hurt.

She heard the portrait hole open and close, and faint footsteps across the floor of the common room. James.

>

James walked through the common room, feeling the cold that he had felt since Lily left him. He smiled at the memory of her snuffling snore as she had lain in his lap.

He heard a door open and close and smiled. Lily.

>

It had been a month since the night Lily had cried in James' arms, and she was more grateful to him than ever. Not only had he neglected to mention the night's happenings to anyone else, for which Lily would be eternally indebted to him, but he had also been as nice to her as ever, never mentioning what had happened or asking for an explanation. Lily thought this was because James was trying to ignore that the night had ever happened, but little did she know, it hardly left James' thoughts when he was around her. He so wanted to help her, but he knew she had to make the decision to confide in him herself.

The two had been growing closer, having fun, and Lily had unknowingly been drifting away from her other friends. She had only noticed when their conversations began to seem trivial and odd, and when she had to ask whose crush they were talking about. Only Remus had noticed the change in Lily, but he had put it down to her spending more time with Sirius which, to be honest, she had avoided doing. Lily was getting steadily more unhappy with their relationship and had tried hinting to Sirius that she wasn't happy but he was either stupid or just didn't want to know. The real trouble was that Sirius seemed to like Lily more, not less, with each day that went by, and with this came even more jealousy and paranoia.

James also cared more for Lily with every day that went by, but not in the way Sirius did. She was becoming like a sister to him, someone he could talk to without worrying about their opinion of him or fretting about offending them. She regarded him in a similar way, but, unlike James, she noticed the times they flirted and playfought as something more than sisterly affection.

Lily chewed her mouthful of pasta thoughtfully, half listening to the girls' conversation about Remus (using an ingenious codename, naturally) although she was more interested in the boys' new prank idea which they obviously assumed she couldn't hear. However, she decided to keep mum about it – it would be a shame to ruin genius in the making.

Just then, Professor Dumbledore stood to speak and the Great Hall fell quiet. Lily turned to face him, wondering what he could be announcing now.

"My dear students, as you all know, October the thirty-first is Halloween."

"Well blow me down, how did he guess?" Lily giggled quietly as James whispered in her ear.

"We – that is to say, your teachers and I – have decided that we should turn out usual feast into a ball." This brought conversations all around the hall. There was normally a New Year ball – did this mean that was cancelled? "Quiet please, if you will allow me to continue? Thank you. This is not in place of our usual New Year ball for the entire student body. This ball will be exclusively for fifth year and above, and will be a Masquerade Ball. Partners will not be necessary. Thank you."

The rest of dinner was spent in conversation about the ball and the fact that there were only three weeks and therefore three shopping opportunities before the ball. Someone had decided to make this term a little more interesting, and Lily thought to herself that she had a very good idea whose plan this ball had been.

* * *

I didn't really want to post this chapter this soon, but as the previous one went down so well I thought I would. This is almost the second part to that chapter, so for those of you who liked that, you may like this. And you might be seeing more of the new teacher soon too, as people seemed to want more of her.

**Weird Not Boring** Like I said, the alter-ego thing is a bit of a long story. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. This stuff only happened to me because I cry such a lot haha. Well, it obviously didn't happen quite like this as I don't go to a boarding school and I didn't fall asleep on a sofa in a library, but it was a similar and just as cute situation. Sometimes I just love my life! Thanks for keeping up the reviews by the way, it really means a lot to me! And if anything seems wrong/out of place, please let me know as I do occasionally get carried away and just write what the hell I like.

**Angel2510** Course I boss people around! I've always done that though, it's not just cos I'm in year 11. I boss year 12 and 13 around too, not to mention my teachers...haha. I'm glad you liked it, this is kinda finishing it off. There will be more cuteness, but maybe not to the same extent for a little while at least. Thanks for reviewing, I like being able to actually communicate with people - feel free to tell me about whatever random crap you want as I'm sure to be bored while checking reviews. Ta muchly!

**HPBeatles** Short and sweet. Thanks! Hope the standard is still good...:S

I've got another chapter written already, which is very unlike me, so I might update tomorrow, depending how many reviews I get - as soon as I get 4 I'll update and that's a promise. You know how to make that happen...**review!**

Becca


	10. Realisation

A couple of people have pointed out that Hogwarts doesn't have annual balls. Not in Harry's time anyway. But as far as I know, no one knows what goes on in Lily and James' time apart from the flashbacks, so I figured: this is a castle with teenagers and a Great Hall. Why wouldn't they have balls? So, the next step in my (naturally flawless haha) logic was: maybe they did. But if so, there's got to be a reason why they stopped doing it. Step three was: I know! I'll invent one! So that, people, is why I have included the idea of a traditional New Year's ball. And I did a Halloween one because a) I felt like it, and b) it really helps the plot along. Oh, and c) it's fun!

* * *

Lily, Chrissy, Jessica and Carrie walked down the main street in Hogsmeade, chatting away about the ball, the outfits they wanted to wear and the boys they wanted to dance with. Jess had decided to dress up as a harem dancer, which would definitely suit her, and they were just discussing Carrie's plan to go as a fairy princess. Chrissy had immediately said "Isn't that a bit little-girly?" but Lily disagreed.

"No, little-girly is cool, especially as this is for fifth years and up. You're not gonna get anyone else dressed as a fairy."

"I suppose not," Chris agreed.

"Plus," Jess said, "Carrie'll really suit it – she's all thin and waif-like. She'd definitely make a good fairy."

"Okie dokie, that's settled. What colour dress, C?" Lily turned to her friend.

"I was thinking a wispy musliny white one, maybe spaghetti straps."

"Sounds good. How long? Shoes?" Jess got right to business.

"Probably about knee length. And maybe some white ballet slippers."

"Oh yeah, that's be so cute!" Lily said. "I've got some satin ballet shoes you can borrow. Get some ribbons to stitch on and turn them into ankle-ties."

"Oh wow, yeah. Thanks Lil. What about you anyway?"

"Hmm, I was kinda thinking creepy vampire woman."

"What, like bondage?" This was Jess, typically.

"Yeah, can you imagine it? Lily Evans, dominatrix supreme!" Christina joined in. All four girls burst out laughing, then noticed the four guys on the other side of the road looking at them very oddly.

"Lily Evans, dominatrix supreme? Wow Sirius, there's something you haven't been telling us…" James grinned cheekily at Sirius, who didn't look amused.

Remus noticed Sirius' expression and said, "C'mon, mate. Lighten up! Prongs here is just jealous."

"Hell, yeah," James said and winked saucily at Lily. She blushed and turned to her friends.

"Come on, guys, here's the robe shop. Let's get away from these perverts."

The girls turned into the shop and Chrissy said, "Wow, Lily, he likes you!"

Lily turned to her, confused, and said, "Of course he does! He's my boyfriend!"

"No not Sirius, you dumbschnitzel! James!"

Lily blushed and looked at Jess.

"She's right, Lil. He so wants your babies."

"Well, wants _you_ to have _his_ babies."

"Guys, shut up!"

"Why, Lil? You know it's true!"

"Carrie, you know that's not true don't you?"

Carrie looked at Lily with a contemplative expression. "Well actually, I think they might be right. He's definitely getting flirty with you."

"No, he's not! He's just being nice cos I'm his best friend's girlfriend!"

"No, he's not."

"Argh, let's _leave_ this conversation. Shopping time!"

They didn't argue, but got to work finding dresses. Jess already had her outfit and just needed some shoes, but the rest of them needed the whole getup. The first dress they found was perfect for Chrissy, who had decided to go as an Egyptian princess. It was white silk and clingy, with gold and royal blue edging. Chrissy tried it on and it looked amazing. There was a thigh-high slit up one side showing off her amazing legs and the dress clung just right.

The next dress they set about hunting for in the enormous shop was Carrie's. They found several, and she tried them all. One was very short but loose, and they all thought it looked amazing except Carrie, who thought it made her legs look like matchsticks. The next dress was perfect apart from the length – it was thin and floaty with a pinched in waist. The last one was beautiful: empire line with spaghetti straps and a torn hem that showed off Carrie's chest but didn't make the rest of her look like a twig (Carrie's term, not Lily's). Finally, Carrie was happy and they set to finding Lily's.

"Are you going for the vampire thing then?"

"Yeah, may as well."

"Rightie ho then. What colour?"

"Hmm, dark green?"

"Don't be an ass, vampires wear red or black. Anyway, you always wear green."

"Red looks crap against my hair."

"No it doesn't."

"Does."

"Fine. Black, then?"

"Okie dokie."

"What style?"

"Long. I'm not having my legs on show."

Chrissy rolled her eyes. "If you say so. Corsetty or loose-fitting?"

"Corsetty! You'd look _amazing_ in a corset," Jess exclaimed.

"I'd also look like bondage-woman."

"No you wouldn't. Not with a pretty floaty skirt."

Lily's dress took hours to find, but she finally settled on a black silk one with a strapless corset bodice and a floor-length flowing skirt. It showed enough cleavage while leaving her legs to the imagination, which, in Lily's opinion, was where they should stay. Jess also found a red cloak with black ties which matched perfectly.

"That'll clash with my stupid hair!"

"Dye your hair then."

"What?"

"Yeah, dye your hair."

"What colour?"

"Black."

"Black? _Black!_ It'll totally wash me out!"

"No, it won't."

"And even if it does, vampires are supposed to be pale," Lily wished her friends wouldn't gang up on her, but knew she was beaten on this one.

"Right, shoe time!"

>

Before they knew it, the night of the ball had come around. It was a Friday, so all their classes had been excitable and no one had managed to get any work done. In fact, in their last class, Professor van Spyk had announced, "Right, I'm not going to bother teaching you anything today. There are a few questions on the board, but other than that I'm going to be coming round and discussing your outfit plans with you. I want to make sure no one's planning on wearing anything _too_ horrendous." Lily burst out laughing as the rest of the class sat with their mouths open. A teacher cum fashion advisor? That was a new one.

One by one, their Professor called each one of them to the front and had a quiet conversation with them that no one could hear. A few people came back looking slightly embarrassed, and others were in fits of laughter. Others merely looked perturbed. Lily realised towards the end of the lesson that she would be left till last. Professor van Spyk had started at the front of the classroom and was working slowly backwards. Ten minutes before the lesson was due to end, Lily was called up.

"Lily! Come here please."

Lily got up and made her way to the front. She took a seat opposite her Professor, who was wearing a green sweater and jeans with some amazing black knee-length boots. Lily made a mental note to ask her where she shopped.

"Hi."

"Hi, Lily. How's life?"

"Life? It's okay, thanks."

"Yeah? How's Sirius?"

"Fine," but Lily's facial expression gave her away.

"Boy troubles, huh?"

"You could say that," Lily realised there was no point trying to hide anything from Ms Van Spyk, and found herself saying it all. "He's so bloody paranoid! I like him but he's bloody obsessive! If I try to tell him I don't wanna shag him he gets all offended so I end up doing it anyway and it sucks. I just want some freedom – he's treating me like we should be joined at the hip or something. Shit, I shouldn't have told you that."

"Whatever. I had sex at fourteen, no big deal."

"Really?"

"No, I lied. Yes, of course. And let me guess: you've found your eye wandering."

Lily blushed. "Not _exactly_."

"I'm not accusing you of anything, but I'm guessing you have. It's not a sin."

"Yeah, I guess so." Lily instinctively looked back at James, whose head was bowed over his parchment. She looked back to her Professor and found her smiling knowingly. Lily scowled. "You're trying to set me up with James, aren't you?"

"No. I'm merely trying to aid people in broadening their horizons and getting closer to people they ought to befriend. You liking young Mr Potter there is not my problem."

"Fine," Lily was suddenly angry. It _was_ her problem. It was all her fault. "It _is_ your stupid fault! I wouldn't like James if it wasn't for you!"

"Aha!"

Lily suddenly realised what she had said. "I like James."

"Excellent deduction, Detective Evans. Well done." Lily banged her head on the desk. "Don't do that, Lily. You don't want a massive bruise on your forehead tonight."

"Hmph," Lily's head was still on the desk.

"Look, Lily, I know you don't want to hurt Sirius, but right now all you're doing is hurting yourself. Give yourself some time, but you need to end it. Otherwise when it finally ends, Sirius will be hurt that you let him think you loved him, James will have got over anything he feels for you, and you'll hate Sirius because he stopped you getting James."

"Why. Do. You. Always. Have. To. Be. _Right_!"

"Because I am amazing. Now, your outfit. What are you going as?"

"A vampire. What muggles think of as a vampire anyway."

"Hmm, original. What are you wearing?"

"A black dress, red cloak, red pointy ballet slippers. And the girls have decided to turn my hair black so it doesn't clash with the stupid cloak."

"You've got good friends. I'm guessing you didn't want to wear the cloak?"

"Yup."

"Trust me, you should. You need to have something swishy to make you look truly evil. Mastered how to do fangs yet?"

"No, I keep ending up like a bunny rabbit." Professor van Spyk snickered. Lily decided to distract her before she decided to take the piss. "Professor, where do you shop?"

"Call me Petra; 'Professor' annoys me."

"But –"

"Shut up. Don't argue. I shop anywhere and everywhere. Mainly muggle shops though." Lily raised her eyebrows. "Just because I'm a Slytherin doesn't mean I hate muggles. Anyway, their clothes are cheaper. CLASS DISMISSED!" As the rest of the class began to get up, making a lot of noise as they did so, Petra added, "Stop by my office when you're ready, I'll fix your teeth."

"Thanks," Lily said, turning away. When she left the classroom, she turned back around and said, "Bye!" then added - as an afterthought – "Petra."

>

The girls raced through the Halloween dinner – one couldn't really call it a feast, as it was nothing compared to the usual - and ran upstairs to their dormitory. The ball started at eight, so they only had two hours to get ready. Getting dressed was the easy part, although Lily had to borrow a strapless bra from Chrissy as she had completely forgotten about underwear and didn't have the time to mess around with vanishing the straps on one of hers.

Chrissy was wearing a wig so her hair wasn't a problem. Carrie had perfect hair as it was, and just let her blonde locks fall onto her shoulders. Jess had tied up her hair and Carrie had taken charge of teasing curls out of the ponytail and setting them in place magically. Chrissy had the difficult job: Lily's hair. She had found a colouring spell which she said had worked perfectly (Chrissy wouldn't let Lily use a mirror until she was finished) and was now curling Lily's hair into long soft waves – not too tight, not too loose. Or so she said.

Carrie finished up Jess's hair and began painting Lily's nails. They had all agreed that her long nails should be blood red to match her cloak and shoes.

Next was the makeup: Lily worked on Chrissy, as she was the most reliable at eyeliner. Jess sorted Carrie's 'natural look' out: she was barefaced apart from beautiful sparkling fake eyelashes and blushing cheeks. She looked every inch the innocent. When Lily was done turning Chrissy into Cleopatra, Chrissy began working on her.

Suddenly, as Chrissy was finishing, Lily thought of something. How was she going to get to Petra's office without anyone seeing her outfit?

"Chrissy, could you do me a favour please?"

"Sure, what?"

"Go and ask James if I can borrow his cloak."

Chrissy snapped on her golden mask and bounded out of the room, and Jess said, "How do you get her to do that?"

"Easy. She ain't gonna say no to a chance to see Remus half-naked! Plus, she knows she looks amazing."

>

Chrissy knocked on the boys' door.

"Come in," she heard Sirius say.

She entered and gasped. All four guys were standing there topless, Sirius in boxers. She didn't care though -- all she could see was Remus.

"Yeah?" James grinned, amused.

"Er, Potter, can – can Lily borrow - borrow your cloak?" she managed to stumble out.

"Sure," James bent over to pick it up from the end of his bed. Chrissy vaguely registered _'nice ass,'_ before he threw the cloak to her. She quickly exited, heart pounding, not listening to the conversation as the door shut behind her.

Remus spoke first. "Wow, who was that?"

"Chrissy," James said. "Who else would Lily be sending to do her dirty work?"

"She looked…amazing," Peter said, his mouth wide open.

"Yeah…" said Remus.

James grinned exasperatedly at Sirius and whispered, "Why doesn't he pull her already?"

Sirius shrugged. "Why does Lily want your cloak anyway?"

James shrugged back. "Who knows? They're girls."

>

Lily laughed as Chrissy fell through the door, cloak in hand, a huge dopey grin plastered across her face.

"Remus half naked, huh?" Chrissy could only nod. "That good?"

She nodded again, then remembered the only other thought she had had while in the room. "James has a nice ass…"

The other three girls burst out laughing.

_>_

_Knock, knock_

Petra van Spyk opened the door and Lily pulled the cloak off her head. Petra was dressed as an elf, wearing a long forest green dress which somehow managed to show _a lot_ of cleavage while still looking demure and elf-like. She had her hair curled like Lily's and her now-pointy ears poked out. She really looked amazing.

"Wow, I love your outfit!"

"I was about to comment on yours actually. You look good evil."

"You reckon?" Lily grinned slyly.

"Definitely. You seen a mirror yet?"

"Nope."

"Good. I repeat: you have good friends. Who did your hair?"

"Chrissy."

"Ah. She seen Remus half naked yet?"

"Yep."

"So she's lying on a bed somewhere fanning herself?"

"That's about right."

Petra laughed. Lily noticed that she didn't look quite as evil when she smiled. "Let's see about your teeth then," she cast a spell Lily didn't quite catch, and said, "Smile!" She nodded with a satisfied smirk and said, "Pure evil."

"Thanks. I'd better be going though – I've still got to find my shoes for Carrie."

Petra nodded. "Just hold on a second; I think I've got a finishing touch." She fished in a drawer of her desk and stepped behind Lily. "Hold still." She draped a necklace around Lily's neck and then spun Lily around to face her.

"Thank you. It's yours?"

"Yes. It's somewhat…special to me." Petra picked up the pendant and fingered it, wearing a wistful expression, then placed it back on Lily's chest. "Be careful with it." As the pendant touched her bare skin, Lily felt the unmistakable tingle of magic. She wondered what it was bewitched with, but didn't get a chance to ask. Petra said, "You'd better be getting back," and, next thing Lily knew, she was standing outside the portrait hole.

>

This chapter is mainly there to move the story along, and I didn't really know what to do with it, so I included some fun with our favourite Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher cos, let's face it, we love her! Well, I do...

Anyway, I know this isn't my best chapter. In fact, I wrote my best chapter last night, forgot to save it, and deleted it. You know those really old versions of Microsoft Word where all the documents are in the same window? Well I was working on one of those, and I'd written about 2500 words (and it took me hours!), when I decided to open another chapter to check something. I closed it and when the window came up saying 'Do you want to save changes to Chapter 10?' I automatically (being a dumbschnitzel) clicked 'no' and there it was- gone! And my stupid AutoRecover settings didn't work either. Grr... But oh well, I rewrote it today. It's now almost 5000 words long, so that's a treat for you guys next chapter, plus I think it's better than the first one I wrote.

Thank you time...

**Angel2510** Love that review! It's joint favourite with one of HPBeatles', which just said 'it rocked. loved it.' You can't beat that, but you're as close as it gets. I love randomness - it's what makes life interesting! I totally know what you mean about Sirius. I love the guy, but I'm making him so annoying! How did that happen? Oh well, there may be some Sirius-bashing later on, hehehe. Yeah, they slept together. I didn't want it to happen, but it happened to me and it made a big impact, so I can't really say this story is based on me if the same stuff doesn't happen, you get me? I hope this update is soon enough, and keep the randomness coming!

**Dayle** Thanks, characters have always bothered me - it's so hard when you have to write about groups of friends, and just make them up, and to succeed in making them all individual is one of my big goals. I hope I'm achieving it! By the way, I love your email address, pure genius!

**Weird Not Boring **I hope I answered the part about the ball well enough at the top, but thanks for pointing it out. It does annoy me when things like that happen, and also when they go on 'spring break' and have 'semesters'. JK doesn't call them that, so why should we? Lol, rant over. Sorry. Thank you very much for the compliments, I must say I enjoyed writing the L/J chapters the most. Who wouldn't!

**HPBeatles** Ohh, the tension is coming...it's coming! Trust me. I am evil.

Right, we're into double figures! I think that's a reason to **review**, don't you? As soon as I get four reviews I'll update this next chapter. I think that's gonna become my minimum update number, but I've got some faithful reviewers now, so thanks to them you shouldn't be kept waiting too long!

Thanks guys

Becca


	11. Lust

**Lust**

As Lily entered her dorm again, Chrissy gasped. "Wow, Lil, you look amazing!"

"Ah, you're still delirious, I see," Lily said off-handedly.

"Shut up, Lily. Really, you look great. I swear if I was male I'd do you right now."

"What do you mean, 'what if'?"

Lily's face was soon hit by a high-speed pillow. "Alright, alright. I was only joking. You look gorgeous too."

"That's better!"

"Where are the other two freaks anyway?"

"Hey!" this was Carrie's voice from behind Lily's bed, answering one part of her question.

"Hey, Carrie, where's Jess?"

"In the bathroom fixing her cleavage. Apparently there isn't enough of it."

"My ass. That girl has enough cleavage for the four of us to share!" Chrissy said disgruntledly.

"Lily, can I have your shoes please?"

"Oh, sure." Lily bent down to rummage through her trunk and picked up a pair of white satin ballet shoes. "Here you go, honey. You'll have to shrink them though – my yeti feet are way bigger than yours."

"Thanks, Lil." Carrie got out her wand and began the adaptation process.

"So, Lily, ready for the grand unveiling?"

"Mais oui, naturellement!" Lily laughed.

"Come on then." Chrissy strode over to the bathroom and knocked impatiently on the door. "You got a big enough cleavage yet, Jess?"

"I think so," came Jess's muffled voice. "Come in."

Chrissy threw open the door and marched Lily inside. Lily felt Jess's hands from behind the door covering her eyes. She felt herself being pushed to where she knew the full-length mirror was, and Jess spoke.

"Three…"

"Two…"

"One…"

"Tada!"

Lily gaped. She really looked like a different person. Her dress worked wonders for her figure, and her cloak and shoes matched perfectly. The black curls falling down Lily's back didn't wash her out, but changed the shape of her face, bringing out her cheekbones and, along with her heavy dark eye makeup, made her eyes look much more…intense. The last thing Lily noticed was Petra's necklace. It was a delicate silver chain with a red snake made from tiny rubies dangling just above the fabric of her dress. It was perfect. It matched to perfection, and complimented everything about her outfit. Lily smiled. Even to her critical eyes, she looked great.

Lily turned around to thank her friends and saw that all three of them were now wearing the finishing touched to their outfits: Jess was wearing turquoise translucent harem pants and a _tiny_ fuschia bustier showing off her flat stomach. She was wearing a gold belly chain, anklet, and headband. Her shoes were fuschia to match her top, and had pointy curling toes. Her mask was turquoise and gold, and she was wearing huge gold earrings.

Carrie, on the other hand, was very understated. Her white dress billowed and she had attached white ribbons to the ballet shoes that snaked up her slim legs and tied at the knee. She wore sparkling wings and a matching tiara. All you could see through her white mask was her eyes. The only makeup she wore was sparkling mascara, giving the effect of huge glittering butterfly wings.

Chrissy had put on her gold sandals and a snake-shaped gold bangle she wore on her upper arm. The gold beads in her braided black wig toned in perfectly. Her mask was white to match her dress, with gold edging.

"Come on then, girls. Let's go!"

The girls arrived in the entrance hall just in time, passing many students from younger years who had clearly come out to see the costumes. After all, if you couldn't go to the ball, you could at least enjoy guessing the identities of those under masks.

"Bloody hell, it's packed!" Chrissy said. All of fifth to seventh-year were stuffed into the entrance hall like sardines, waiting with great anticipation for the doors to open so they could see the sumptuous decorations they were sure Dumbledore would have concocted.

As they chattered, gazing around at the outfits of their peers, the doors began to creak open. Lily was swept inside by the crowd, and she could only gaze in awe at the decorations. The house tables had disappeared, and there were new stone benches all around the walls, lined with scattered cushions of orange and deep purple velvet. Every so often there was a ledge for drinks, and by the doors stood trestle tables laden with bowls of fruit punch and stacks of golden goblets. Cobwebs lined the walls, clustered in cracks and crevices, and bats hung from the rafters and swooped above the students' heads. Pumpkin lanterns glimmered and cast their eerie shadows from high upon the walls. Music played as if from nowhere, as there was no live band.

Lily looked around and saw her three friends, standing a few metres away. She made her way over.

"Where are the boys?" Chris shouted, craning her neck to look over the crowd.

"Dunno," Lily yelled back. "They shouldn't be too hard to spot though; four guys joined at the hip."

The girls set off looking for the Marauders. After fifteen totally unfruitful minutes, Jess yelled, "Where the bloody Nora are they?"

"Merlin knows," Chris replied.

"Maybe they're not together after all," Lily said.

Carrie thought for a moment. "Yeah, maybe Peter's with some Ravenclaw friends."

Lily grinned. "I think you might be right. Look behind you."

Carrie turned and saw what Lily had spotted a short way away at the edge of the dancefloor: three guys chuckling suspiciously dressed as the Three Musketeers. The girls made their way over, and when the Musketeers noticed them, one stepped forwards and swept his plumed hat off his head, revealing tufty black hair.

"Miladies."

Lily smiled. Being the girl with the best dress for it, she curtsied in reply. "Milords." Then every single one of them burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" a second Musketeer asked, sweeping his dark hair out of his face and under his hat.

"I don't think they're taking our chivalry and comradeship seriously," the third Musketeer answered, grinning.

Jess burst out laughing. "Hahahahahaha! We're not taking you Siriusly!"

Sirius sighed. "_Why_ is that joke _always_ made?"

Lily said, between giggles, "Because…it's actually…damn funny!"

Sirius looked at James exasperatedly. Lily had to admit they all looked rather dashing in their old-fashioned outfits, especially with their new-found manners.

"Right, Padfoot, I think it's about time we split this lot up. Why don't you escort your lady to the dancefloor and we'll see what we can do with these two."

Sirius smiled and held his arm out to Lily. "Milady?"

She took it. "Come on then, you."

Lily danced with Sirius for over an hour, occasionally dancing with other friends and acquaintances who came over for a chat. The music so far had been very up-tempo, so when a slower song came on, Lily sank gratefully into Sirius' arms.

_Gone, the voice that used to fill the room is all but gone_

_An echo of a perfect love that ended wrong_

He placed his arms around her waist.

_Girl, we tried so hard when love was on our side _

_And yesterday will always be the reason why_

Lily rested her head on Sirius' shoulder.

_You keep comin', you keep comin' back, you keep comin' back for more_

Lily blushed as she thought of the last time she had felt this safe and secure with a man.

_I'll see you in my dreams _

_There we'll be safe tonight, from the lonely days of memory_

_I'll see you in my dreams_

Why did she blush to remember it? At the time, there had been nothing between her and James.

_Time, time will never be a friend of mine again _

_It tries to make your memory fade but I won't let it end _

And there still wasn't, she reminded herself.

_Let the sun go down, so I can drift away _

_Let me close my eyes and live another day_

How could her emotions be so fickle?

_You keep comin', you keep comin' back, you keep comin' back for more_

She cared about Sirius so much, and enjoyed spending time with him, but she didn't want to be with him.

_I'll see you in my dreams _

_There we'll be safe tonight, from the lonely days of memory_

_I'll see you in my dreams_

She had decided, in that instant, that she would have to end it. But when?

_The truth, oh it's there for you to see_

_Sometimes it's painful to be on your own_

The song was right. She didn't want to be on her own. I'll see you in my dreams

_There we'll be safe tonight, from the lonely days of memory_

But she had to be. That was a decision she had made and she knew that it was the right one.

_I'll see you in my dreams_

_Back in my arms again, and no matter what tomorrow brings_

_I'll see you in my dreams._

But another thing Lily knew was that she could never be with James. It just wouldn't be fair on Sirius. He would know then that something had happened between her and James. Not only did she not want to lose her friendship with Sirius, but she didn't want James to lose his either.

"You look so beautiful tonight, Lily."

Lily stepped away from him and looked at her feet. "Thank you."

Sirius tried to take her in his arms again, but she pulled away. "Sirius, I'm tired. Do you mind if we sit down for a little while?"

"No, course not, love." Sirius took her hand and led her over to a bench. She sank onto the cushions and, to her dismay, Sirius put his arm around her waist again. She had the sudden urge to swat it like a fly. Lily made a show of coughing.

"Oh, do you need a drink?"

"Yes, please," she smiled the most genuine smile she could, while thinking _bad Lily._

"Wait here, I'll go and get you one." Lily watched as Sirius disappeared through the crowd in the direction of the doors on the opposite side of the room.

Lily breathed a sigh of relief and closed her eyes. Because of this she didn't notice that someone had taken Sirius' vacated seat until they spoke.

"So, the mudblood's shagging my dear cousin."

Lily's eyes snapped open and she spun around to face the intruder. She had long dark curls like Lily's, and was wearing a green and silver mask which hid her eyes. But Lily knew exactly who she was by the Slytherin smirk plastered across her immaculately lipsticked mouth.

"Bellatrix Lestrange."

"Cleverly observed, mudblood. I must say you've done an excellent job at hiding your identity. I would hardly have noticed you were a filthy mudblood whore, except for the man you were draping yourself all over."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You. The mudblood. Are shagging _my_ cousin."

"Your cousin? Sirius isn't your cousin."

"You mean he hasn't told you about his family?"

"I don't care."

"Don't you? You're very angry for someone who doesn't care."

"Well I know he's not your cousin."

"Do you really? I believe he's introduced you to his darling cousin Andromeda?"

"Yes."

"She's my sister."

"No she's not. You look nothing alike."

"Thankfully. Fine then, if you're going to be difficult. Lucius tells me he saw you in Diagon Alley when he was out with Narcissa and some friends."

"Yes, but –" Lily thought back to that day. There had been only one woman in the crowd with Lucius Malfoy. And she had been…blonde, pale, and…exactly like Andromeda.

"Aha, she finally gets it," Bellatrix sneered, looking at Lily's expression of dawning understanding. "Narcissa Black, soon to be Malfoy, is my sister also."

Lily knew Narcissa. She had left Hogwarts the previous year and was another born and bred Slytherin bitch. She had never known her surname though. "But if you're Narcissa's sister, why is your name Lestrange?"

"Marriage, dear. It's what we _respectable_ people do when we want to fuck someone," Bellatrix flashed her ring before Lily's eyes. "Now, I didn't come her to give you our family history. I came here to give you a warning."

"I don't want to hear any more from you," Lily said, suddenly more confident.

"I'm afraid I can't just permit you to walk away," Bellatrix said, and stood as Lily did. "Stay away from my cousin. Remove yourself from him and remove the tarnish from our family name."

"No."

"Why not, pray?"

"I can't," Lily was walking slowly backwards towards the dancefloor, looking around desperately for someone that would help her. Bellatrix was dangerous.

"Why?"

"Because – because he loves me."

Bellatrix laughed, low and menacing. "He loves you? I had credited you with some intelligence, despite your disgusting trash that you call ancestors. He doesn't love you, you stupid bitch. He just wants to fuck you. He's gonna fuck you good and hard and when you get boring and whiney he's gonna leave you. Dump you like the mudblood whore that you are."

"He wouldn't," Lily said, her voice shaking. "He's not like you."

"Not like me? How mistaken you are. He's as Black as the rest of us, but his Gryffindor traitor friends like that Potter have polluted him. But he's still who we brought him up to be."

"I won't leave him," Lily lied, desperately trying to hold Bellatrix off her.

"Then you leave me with no choice." Bellatrix pulled out her wand.

"You – you can't do that h-here. You can't hurt me. Everyone would see."

"Wrong again, Miss Evans. No one's watching. No one will see. No one cares about you, Lily Evans. You're alone. All alone." Bellatrix bared her teeth in the most evil smile Lily had ever seen.

"Wrong!" a male voice said from behind Lily. "She's not alone. Put down the wand, Bellatrix, before I hex you to Timbuktu."

The voice was deep, calm and full of confidence. Bellatrix's smile faded, and she scowled, but lowered her wand.

"Now fuck off like a good little Death Eater."

She snarled, but turned and walked away. Lily turned to her rescuer and saw him putting away his wand. He was wearing chain mail and a helmet that only showed his mouth and had slits for eyes. His eyes were dark and deep, and his mouth – he had a beautiful smile, and as she watched him, Lily noticed a lip ring, right in the centre of his bottom lip. Lily bit her own lip. That was sexy. There was something dangerous about a guy with a lip ring.

"Nice fangs," the stranger said.

"Thanks," Lily replied, smiling and showing them off even better. "And thankyou. For saving me. My knight in shining armour."

He laughed, and his dark eyes sparkled. Lily noticed faint stubble on his chin, and shivered. It was the bad boy image to a tee. "No problem. Damsels in distress are my speciality."

Not only was the tall dark and handsome stranger funny, he was chivalrous too. "Well I'll have you know I'm no damsel in distress."

"You looked pretty distressed to me." That smile, oh that smile…

"Only because it was her. Bellatrix Lestrange is the sort of bitch who could make the devil cry blood."

"Tell me about it. At least you don't have to fucking live with her."

"What?" Lily was shocked. "You're a Slytherin?"

He laughed. "No."

"Then you're – oh, right. Matthew Kiedis."

"Head Boy," he nodded. "And I swear I'd give it up at the drop of a hat just to get away from Miss Fuck-me-I'm-the-Dark-Lord's-whore."

Lily giggled. "Well, hi. I'm Lily Evans."

"Lovely to meet you, Miss Evans." Matthew took her hand and kissed it. Lily felt herself melt under his penetrating dark-eyed gaze. "I've been watching you from afar."

Lily smiled again. She couldn't believe her luck. Of all the people who could have rescued her from Bellatrix, it had been a tall, dark, handsome, sexy, mature…Head Boy! Chrissy was not going to _believe_ this. Jess was going to be so jealous. Her smile grew even bigger.

"What are you smiling at, green-eyes?"

"Oh, nothing," Lily lied.

"It's the last song, Lily Evans. Want to dance?" Matthew asked as a new song started.

"Er – sure," Lily said, squealing inside. She couldn't believe her luck! It was a slow song, so Matthew steered her onto the dance floor and placed one hand on her waist and one on her shoulder.

_Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?_

_You been out riding fences for so long now_

Lily stared into Matthew's eyes. They were so dark and soulful.

_Oh, you're a hard one_

_I know that you got your reasons_

She seemed to have a thing about dark eyes.

_These things that are pleasin' you_

_Can hurt you somehow_

James' eyes were dark and deep.

_Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy _

_She'll beat you if she's able_

But Sirius' eyes were cold and grey.

_You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet_

Sirius. She was dating Sirius. She shouldn't be dancing like this with another man.

_Now it seems to me, some fine things_

_Have been laid upon your table_

Especially one this sexy. But what did it matter? She and Sirius would be over soon anyway.

_But you only want the ones that you can't get_

That line was so true. She wanted James, but she could never happen. But Matthew Kiedis…maybe that could happen.

_Desperado, oh, you ain't getting any younger_

_Your pain and your hunger, they're driving you home_

Lily felt Matthew's hand that had been on her shoulder on the small of her back. She held him tighter, moving her body closer to his.

_And freedom, oh freedom_

_Well, that's just some people talkin'_

Lily could feel his skin brushing against hers. Her cloak fell over his arms as he held her.

_Your prison is walking through this world all alone_

They were even closer now, Matthew's strong arms wrapped firmly around Lily as she melted against him.

_Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?_

_The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine_

They swayed together, Lily thinking that nothing had ever been this perfect.

_It's hard to tell the night time from the day_

Except for that night with James, perhaps.

_You're losing all your highs and lows_

_Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?_

"You okay, my vampire princess?"

_Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?_

_Come down from your fences, open the gate_

Lily nipped his neck with her teeth. He laughed, sending another wave of…lust, yes, lust, down Lily's body.

_It may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you_

Lily looked into his eyes, his deep brown eyes. They were so close…

_You better let somebody love you_

They were so close their noses were touching. Lily took a deep, shuddering breath, and readied herself for what she knew was coming.

_You better let somebody love you_

_Before it's too late._

The lights came back up, and Lily pulled away. She looked at the ground, embarrassed. She couldn't do this! She had a boyfriend, a boyfriend who – hell, a boyfriend she'd abandoned. A boyfriend who'd gone to get her a drink and had come back to find her seat empty. A boyfriend who could have seen her kiss another man. Thank Merlin she didn't.

"I – I've got to go," Lily stammered, and ran off, not waiting to see the shocked expression on the face of her knight in shining armour, the man who'd been there when she needed him.

Lily ran back to the dormitory, not stopping as she heard Remus shout after her, or when she crashed into an indignant Hufflepuff on the stairs. She only stopped when she reached her bed, and flung herself on it, sobbing. Why did everything have to be so hard?

Chrissy came in a few minutes later, out of breath. "Sirius wants to talk to you. He's – he's pretty upset. What happened?"

"Nothing," Lily said cheerfully, wiping her eyes on her hand. She avoided Chrissy's eyes and walked down to the common room, not looking at anyone she passed. She spotted Remus and James on a sofa, and Remus pointed out of the portrait hole. Lily walked outside and saw Sirius immediately. He was leaning against a wall, gazing at her intently.

"Hi, Sirius," Lily smiled weakly, but he didn't even seem to notice that she had spoken.

"Where were you, Lily?" His voice was deadly calm.

"Where was I?"

"That's what I asked you, Lily. I brought you a drink and came back, and you weren't anywhere to be seen. I sat there, Lily, sat there and waited, and you never came back. And then do you know what I saw?" Lily shook her head, refusing to look away from Sirius, whose expression was nasty. "I saw you dancing with another guy. Having the time of your life. You had eyes for no one else. You said you were tired, so I sat down with you. You said you were thirsty, so I brought you a drink. You weren't thirsty or tired, Lily. You had enough energy to dance with someone else. You don't love me any more, do you? You're a liar and a cheat, Lily Evans. A liar and a cheat."

"Sirius, it's not like that…"

"Stop with the bullshit, Lily. I don't want to hear it."

Lily was angry now. "Sirius, please –"

"No."

"Argh, why am I even trying? Of course you don't want to hear! I've tried to tell you things so many times and all you can hear is what you've decided I'm going to say! The reason I wasn't there is because your cousin was trying to kill me, and that boy I was dancing with saved me from whatever hell she was going to unleash on me! If _you_ had told _me_ about your evil family and what they would try to do to me, maybe I would have been a little bit more careful. Maybe I wouldn't have been in that situation to start with! You're right that I've been lying to you though. When you've asked me if I'm okay, I've said yes. When you've asked me if I want to spend time with you, I've said yes. You're an amazing guy, Sirius, but your jealousy and fucking paranoia has been driving me mad! I've tried to tell you, but you just wouldn't listen! You've been trying to keep me on a fucking leash!"

She looked at Sirius, who just looked like he was carefully ignoring everything she was saying. This was the worst thing he could have done. "You know what, Sirius? I feel I should tell you this just so you know what you've been putting me through," Lily was screaming and crying now. "I don't love you, Sirius. I don't fucking love you and I never fucking will."

Lily knew she had gone too far, but her mouth had run away with her. Sirius didn't even look at her, he just walked right past her, into the common room and back to his friends. Well, that was it, it was over. No more paranoid Sirius. But probably no more Sirius full stop. He would probably ignore the fact that she even existed now. And what she really didn't need was Remus or James coming out to berate her.

Lily ran away. Away from the guilt that was flooding her, away from the anger she felt at Sirius, away from her fear of what her friends would think of her now. She ran along the corridor, turned corners, ran along more corridors, until she came to a set of stairs: the Astronomy Tower. She could be alone there – no one went up there, it was out of bounds.

She hurtled up all the stairs and fell in a heap at the top, under the stars. She couldn't move any further, she was exhausted. All she could do was sob. She wept so hard that the cracks between the flagstones filled with water and formed streams, flowing gently to the edge of the tower.

Lily didn't hear the footsteps on the stairs, or the voice calling quietly, "Lily? Is that you?" She only looked up when she felt a hand on her shaking shoulder, and when she turned her head, the face she saw through her tears was James'. She was so relieved that he wasn't mad at her that she threw herself on him, crying her heart out.

A strange sense of déjà vu washed over James as Lily leant on his shoulder, sobbing like there was no tomorrow. But this time he understood why she was crying. Everyone in the common room, and probably a lot of Gryffindor Tower, had heard Lily yelling at Sirius, and James had found himself sympathising more with Lily than with his best friend. This was why, as Remus talked to Sirius, James had sneaked out to find Lily. He only found her on the Astronomy Tower because he went there himself, sometimes, when the guys were getting on his nerves. He had known she would be at the top because of the teardrops on the stone steps.

James felt Lily's sobs subside, and he realised that she probably had no more tears left to cry. He brushed her black hair out of her eyes, smiling at the memory of doing the same with her red hair weeks before, and she looked up at him. When she saw his smile, she smiled weakly back.

"I'm sorry," she said, but James ignored her.

"Let's go get you some hot chocolate."

He pulled her to her feet and they set off, walking slowly as Lily leaned on James, too tired to walk by herself. It would be a long walk, but one that they would silently enjoy.

* * *

First thing's first: I own neither of the songs used in this chapter. I searched long and hard for songs I knew from the early 70s (I'm figuring that's fairly accurate as to the setting of this story) and didn't have much luck. I ended up using _I'll See You In My Dreams_ by Giant in the 80s some time (it's a great song and I frankly don't care about the accuracy) and _Desperado_ by the Eagles in 1973. Also a great song, which you might know.

That was a long 'un as I promised you, and I hope you enjoyed it. I was very surprised by the number of reviews I got for chapter ten, thank you all!

**Angel2510 **How was double chemistry? I hope you're still alive :S I was thinking earlier, if my chapters get longer, will your reviews get longer too? I hope so hehe. I had a hilariously funny day today, despite horrible stomach cramps, and I'm updating about 10 minutes after getting home, just as I promised :D Enough Sirius-bashing for the time being?

**Blue Sky Dreamer** I updated! Hope you enjoyed it.

**Sunshine65** Thanks! I love Sirius too, and things will work out for him, I promise. But his character lends itself so well to 'fatal flaws' that it just makes him perfect for this kind of storyline. But everything's out in the open now. I hope I'm depicting Sirius well enough - has his character got enough depth? I'm trying my best but I don't know how he comes across to you guys.

**HPBeatles** Well, that was the L/S scene. I didn't want to draw it out too much as there'll be plenty more tension for all of them in later chapters. About the pendant: I think it will have some part to play but I haven't fully decided yet. It may be small, it may be large. Who knows? Any ideas anyone?

**Weird Not Boring **Sorry, I didn't mean to suggest that you were criticising unnecessarily, I appreciate it. Feel free to suggest anything else I should sort out or explain, whether I can do that in the story or not. Sometimes I just don't see those things. Petra has become my favourite character now. I just love naturally evil people! And thanks. I try my best :)

**scaramouche-black** I figure it might be a while till you read this, but I just want to let you know that your review is appreciated! I didn't think anyone would be so enthusiastic about the first chapter - I think it's a little boring. Oh well, thanks!

Right, well I'm _very_ tired now, haha. I've posted the first chapter to a new story and I'd appreciate it if some of you would check it out - I'm not too sure whether I should continue it or not. Anyhow, **review** please! I think I deserve it for this one...

Becca


	12. Fluff

Lily and James sat together, sipping their hot chocolate and gazing wistfully into space, listening to the sounds which invaded their companionable silence: the rustle of trees in the Forbidden Forest, the lapping of the lake against the shore, and the slow, steady sound of each other's breathing. Lily felt herself warming up and her sense of guilt and sadness ebbing away from the combined comforts of hot chocolate, stargazing, and James' company.

She sighed and contemplated the day's events. How lucky was she now to be sitting here drinking delicious hot chocolate with someone she cared about, someone that cared about her. The object of her thoughts turned to her with a serious expression and spoke.

"So, Lily," she cocked her head at him in reply, "Wanna talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" Lily asked, her heart sinking. She didn't want to have to talk about it. Not now, while she was so content.

James looked at her with his big brown eyes. "About why you're so upset all the time."

Lily brushed it off, trying not to succumb to those deep pools of…_no, stop it Lily_. "I'm not upset all the time, you just have bad timing."

James raised his eyebrows. "You and I both know that's a lie, Lil. Now are you going to tell me of your own free will, or do I have to physically force it out of you."

Lily thought. Pleasurable as it might be to have James physically force it out of her, or in to her, more to the point…_stop it Lily!_ If she hadn't known better, she would have thought James told the House Elves to but something in her drink. "Do I have a choice?"

"Nope." James said with his trademark cheeky grin.

"Okay then, we can talk." Lily said, but she didn't sound happy. Her voice was quiet, and James detected a slight tremor in it. As he watched her, Lily shivered.

"Cold?"

"No" Lily lied.

"Yes you are, I just saw you shiver."

Lily smiled at him. "Don't miss a trick, do you?"

"Nope" James said proudly.

"Fine, yes I'm cold but I don't want to go inside."

"I wasn't going to suggest that. I like it out here."

"Me too." Lily said quietly. There were so many things about James she didn't know. So many things she wanted to find out.

"Accio blankets!"

Back in the dorm, Remus, the only fifth-year boy still awake, opened the window to let out the blankets throwing themselvesrepeatedly against it. He smiled a knowing smile as he watched them disappear into the darkness.

"Clever."

"Aren't I just?" James batted his eyes at Lily, who laughed. "What's so funny?"

"Oh, I don't know. Just…just you." Just then, the blankets came soaring over the low wall they were sitting against and landed on top of them. Laughing, James wrapped a blanket around Lily's shoulders and one round his own. The last blanket he tucked over his and Lily's knees, then put his arm around her, pulling her in to his chest.

"What do you think you're doing?" Lily asked playfully.

James shrugged and grinned. "Keeping you warm like and gentleman would."

"Isn't that the blankets' job?"

James didn't answer, and Lily smiled to herself.

"So, now that we're comfortable, are you going to tell me what's up?"

"Nope, not comfy."

"Hm, you're picky. Alright, what's gonna make you comfy?"

"Stay put." James raised his eyebrows but didn't move. Lily put down her empty hot chocolate mug and shuffled forwards, sideways, then backwards so that she was sitting between James' outstretched legs and her head leant against his chest. She grinned, imagining his expression.

"Better?" James asked, cuddling her around the waist. His chin rested on the top of her head.

"I am now."

"Right, in that case, tell me what's up. And I've got you now. I'm not letting go until you tell me everything."

Lily contemplated keeping her mouth firmly shut, but didn't. "Well I'll start with the bit you know most about – Sirius." James didn't say anything, so Lily talked. She told James about the way she had felt about Sirius at the start, and her confusion when he ignored her owls over the summer. She told James about the night she and Sirius had had sex, and her feelings of worthlessness. Strangely, she didn't find any of this embarrassing. James just sat and listened, one of his hands now playing with a strand of her hair. She continued to tell James about all the times she had tried and failed to communicate her feelings to Sirius, and the way he didn't seem to care about anything the thought, anything she said or did any more. She told James about Sirius' paranoia, and her fear of his jealousy, her feelings of being trapped. Only when Lily had finished talking did James speak.

"I think I should tell you a few things too, Lily." He removed his hand from her hair, and Lily knew without looking that he would be ruffling his own dark mop, as he always did when he was nervous, anxious or uncomfortable. It seemed to build his confidence. Lily nodded and let him talk now. "Firstly, your owl. It wasn't an accident that she got injured. It was – we think it was – Sirius' mother who did it."

"His mother? But why would she want to hurt Juliet?"

"Just let me finish."

"Sorry." Lily blushed. James had let her speak without interruption, and here she was not letting him get a word in edgeways.

"It's okay. She's your owl. You're allowed to be concerned. Anyway, I kinda gathered you ran into Bellatrix at the ball." Lily nodded, deliberately staying silent. "Well, like she said, she and Sirius are related. Sirius' family is one big pile of pureblood Dark Arts. Sirius and his cousin Andromeda are the only non-Death-Eater-candidates of this generation. They are both regarded by the Blacks, and therefore by many other purebloods, as traitors. The Blacks hate muggle-borns, and when Sirius' mother found out he was dating you, she went ballistic. He was locked up in his room and she intercepted all his owls." Lily covered her mouth. She had made things worse, as usual. "Sirius eventually managed to escape by tying up his House Elf and sneaking out when he came to bring Sirius food. He came to my house. Anyway, his mother was so angry that when your next owl came, she just attacked Juliet. My mum tried talking sense into the woman, but failed. Mrs Black sometimes listens to my parents, as they're purebloods too, but this time Sirius is done for. If he sets foot in that house alone she'll probably kill him, and I'm not joking."

Lily felt a lump in her throat and swallowed hard. Maybe she had been too hard on Sirius after all.

"That's why he's so protective over the people close to him – he doesn't want to lose the rest of the people he loves. I'm not saying he was right to be so paranoid, Lily, but I hope you can see where he was coming from." Lily nodded again, fresh tears welling up even though she thought she had no more left to cry. "I think you did the right thing though, Lils, and I need you to know that. You needed to end it with Sirius, you couldn't carry on pretending. No matter what anyone else thinks, no matter what Sirius thinks, I know you did the right thing."

James was quiet then, and buried his face in her hair, his arms around Lily's waist again, holding her tight. He was so confused. He shouldn't be here doing this, not with Lily. It felt so perfect, and yet James knew they were only meant to be friends. Not able to handle his thoughts, James said "What else happened tonight? What made Sirius so mad?"

So Lily told James about Matthew Kiedis and what she'd felt with him, how free she'd felt. How that was what she wanted, someone who could make her smile and laugh, but hold her tight like she was the only girl in the world.

James didn't know, though, that he and Lily were thinking of two different men.

And Lily wasn't going to tell him.

James knew, then, that he had been right. Lily didn't feel anything beyond friendship for him, or she wouldn't be telling him about another man. He knew then that this was how they were meant to be, he and Lily, and this was how they would always stay. Totally comfortable in each other's presence, relishing being in each other's arms, but not as lovers. Never as lovers.

Lily knew, as she sat in James' arms, that this was how she wanted to be and how she wanted to stay. They were perfect together, and she knew James could feel it too. He wouldn't be here with her, holding her like this, if he didn't want to be anything more than friends. And she knew she wouldn't stop feeling this way about James for a very long time.

Lily and James sat talking until the sun began to glimmer on the horizon. They talked about their parents: how Lily's had been Oxford graduates and expected the very best from her, no matter what. How she always fell short of their expectations, how Lily felt so inadequate. How James' parents were high-flyers at the Ministry and expected him to do the same, but all he wanted to do with his life at the moment was have fun.

At ten o'clock that morning, when the sun was fully risen, a pair of feet trod the flagstones at the top of the steps. The figure looked behind it and said "Remus, careful. They're asleep." Remus climbed up the last stairs and joined Chrissy looking at the two sleeping teens.

"Ah, bless! Have you ever seen anything so cute?"

Remus shook his head, smiling.

Lily and James were still curled up in the blankets James had summoned from his dorm. James leant against the far wall of the tower, and Lily was curled up in front of him, her head lain on his chest, a small smile on her face. James' face wore a small frown, as if he was concentrating on something very complex. Lily's arms were around James' neck, and one of James' hands was one Lily's waist. The other was holding the pendant from her necklace.

"Do we wake them?" Remus asked, looking slightly perplexed. "They look so…peaceful."

"Oh God no. they're so cute!" Remus looked at her sideways. "Plus, you haven't seen what Lily's like when you wake her up in the morning. It's not pretty."

Remus shrugged and said "I guess we just wait for them to wake up then."

Chrissy sat down next to the sleeping pair and closed her eyes. Remus did the same on their other side, but he stared ahead at the stone wall of the tower. After a few minutes, Chrissy spoke.

"Are they together then, do you think? Lily and James, I mean."

Remus didn't speak for a minute, then spoke slowly, as if he was still thinking as he gave his answer. "No, I don't think so. Even if they were going to get together, I think both of them have enough sense to leave it a while, until Sirius has calmed down a bit."

"I guess so." Chrissy opened her eyes and looked again at the sleeping couple. Both were snoring slightly, and James' fingers were gently stroking the pendant he held. "They just look so perfect together though."

"I know. Does Lily like Prongs?"

"Yes. She's never admitted it to any of us, but I know she does. You can tell by the look in her eyes when she sees him, she looks like – like she's seen her soulmate. It's not like people are normally, getting all giggly and stupid. She doesn't get moony when she doesn't see him. She just – when she's around him it just seems like she's slotted back into place." _And that's exactly the way I feel when I'm around you._

Chrissy had the urge to spill her heart to Remus, to tell him everything she felt for him, but she knew, deep down, that it would ruin everything. Telling Remus would only scare him away, and while she knew she didn't stand a chance of ever being with him, she valued his friendship so desperately that she knew she would never be able to do anything that could jeopardise it, no matter how deeply in love she was with him. The urge to blurt it all out was too strong. This was the perfect moment, the perfect time, and Chrissy knew she had to ruin it if she didn't want to ruin their friendship.

"Why do you lot call each other those stupid nicknames anyway?"

"It's a long story. Long-standing joke, started this summer."

"Oh."

"That's deep. About Lily. How do you figure things like that out?"

_Because that's the same exact way I feel, and I see the very same look in her eyes when she's not around James as I see every time I look in the mirror._ "Because she's my best friend. I spend almost 24 hours a day with her. It's something that's pretty hard to miss."

"I guess that's something we have in common" Remus smiled, and Chrissy sighed, longing to be able to tell him everything that dwelled on her mind.

"What's that?"

"Being Lily's best friend. Noticing things about her that no one else does."

It was Chrissy's turn to smile. "It's strange, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Are the guys like that too?"

"Like what?"

"Sorry, that was a stupid question. I mean do the guys even feel that kind of thing? I've never really been close enough to a boy to know. Is feeling that kind of emotion just a girl thing, or are guys like that too?"

Remus was silent for a few moments. "Yes and no. Sirius is very deep, but he hides it. His kind of emotion is mainly pent-up anger and frustration from guilt he feels about things that couldn't be helped and never could have been his fault."

"That's like Lily then." Remus nodded, agreeing with her. "She feels guilty for everything: for her being a witch and Petunia being terrified of her, for any arguments her friends have, for anything that happens to her parents, for everything that happened with Sirius…but Lily cries it out. I've never caught her crying but I know she does. I sometimes hear her late at night when I'm drifting off to sleep. She wanders off by herself too, down to Hagrid's or up to one of the towers."

"Yeah. I often wonder whether to tackle her about it, but it's probably better to leave her to herself."

"Maybe."

"See, James is different again. He's very open about how he's feeling, which makes people either think he's obnoxious or stroppy. All the annoying habits he has are because he's nervous or upset. I think he does it to boost his self-confidence or something." Chrissy smiled, picturing James ruffling his already untidy hair. "But he's got a side to him not many people see. He's a joker in public, but if he knows someone well he's very perceptive and a great person to have a rant to. He just doesn't seem to have huge problems that weigh on his mind and he just doesn't get annoyed with people like the rest of us do."

"And what are you like?"

"Pardon?"

"What are you like, Remus? Are you as deep as the rest of them."

"Umm, I dunno. Anyway, there's Peter. No one really knows what's happened to him. He always looked scared though."

Chrissy mentally kicked herself. Why did she try to ask Remus anything about himself? He always seized up and got uncomfortable for some reason. Even though most people found this habit annoying, it was just another reason why Chrissy loved him. She loved his self-consciousness and his incredible sensitivity towards those around him. This conversation had just proved that more.

The two of them sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes, until Chrissy suddenly thought "Does James like Lily?"

"I really don't know. He certainly acts like it around her, but they're so close I can't work it out. They could just be really good friends, but my gut tells me there's something more to those two. This is twice now that she's cried on his shoulder and they've fallen asleep together. That's not normal guy-girl behaviour. Not when only one of them's single, at any rate."

"Twice?"

"Yeah. You know that time when she went off to the library when she was annoyed?"

"Oh yeah. I didn't know she was crying."

"James says so. Apparently she was in floods of tears and she didn't want him to leave her. They fell asleep on a sofa in the library and crept back in at about 5 a.m. I'm a light sleeper so Prongs woke me and I made him tell me what he was up to."

Chrissy nodded, thinking. "That is weird behaviour for a no-romantically-involved couple. There's got to be something going on. I think we should investigate."

Remus nodded his agreement, but before he could speak, Lily began to stir. She shook her head and murmured "No, not in the hot chocolate please." Chrissy giggled and Lily opened her eyes.

She slowly looked around her, at Chrissy, at Remus, at James who she was still lying on, and at James' hand which was still stroking her pendant. "Well, this is surreal" Lily said in a croaky voice.

"Morning sleepyhead. Have fun last night?"

Lily smiled. "Yes actually. I got a lot of things off my chest."

"Bet you did" said Chrissy who gave her a saucy wink.

"Not like that, you dirty cow!"

"So, is that a nice position to wake up in?"

"Definitely" Lily said, and snuggled up to James even further, stroking his hand that was on her stomach.

"You like him then?" Remus asked.

"Well done, round of applause for Remus." Lily said.

"Told you!" Chrissy stuck her tongue out at Remus,

"Hey, have you two been talking about us behind our backs?"

"No" Chrissy said innocently.

Lily looked disbelieving and Remus added "No really, we did it right in front of you, you just happened to be asleep. Not our problem."

Lily laughed. "If you say so."

"Anyway, do you reckon we should wake lover-boy up?"

"Shut up, you!" Lily leaned over to whack Remus but as she did so, James stirred beneath her and she pulled back.

"Aha! You really are rather fond of being in that position, aren't you!"

"Shut up Remus" Lily said, blushing.

"Don't worry about it Lils." Chrissy said, smiling. "He wouldn't say a thing. He's a big softie really." Remus scowled.

James opened his eyes. "Whazzaaa?"

Lily, Chrissy and Remus burst into hysterical laughter. James scowled.

"Sorry" Lily said. "You just look so cute!"

"Cute?" Chrissy repeated incredulously. "He looks like the back end of a Hippogriff!"

"Don't be harsh, Christina. He's just woken up and seen Lily!"

"Shut your mouth, Remus Lupin!"

"Aye aye mon capitan!"

Lily growled.

"Oh, man!" James said sleepily and rubbed his neck.

"Well if you will go to sleep sitting up with that great lump leaning on your chest…"

James scowled at Chrissy. "How was I supposed to know it's ache this much? It was perfectly comfortable at the time!" Lily glowed inside at the idea that he had liked having her snuggled up against him. "I've never fallen asleep sitting up before!"

"Non?" Chrissy said, raising an eyebrow. She decided, however, not to let the pair know that she and Remus were aware of their night-time excursions.

"Nope" James said, not batting an eyelid.

Lily yawned, and felt her eyes droop. She heard Chrissy say "Bless, sleepyhead" and felt James stroking her hair, one hand still resting on the pendant on her chest. She relished the feeling of his fingers against her exposed skin. "Aww!" Chrissy said again. Lily assumed this was at James' hair-stroking, and smiling.

"Leave her be" in James' soft, calming voice was the last thing Lily heard before she fell back to sleep.

* * *

Ooh, I just love the fluff! I came home in a disgustingly horrible mood today really wanting a cigarette, o I though 'hmm, what'll make it better? I know! I'll read reviews!' So I did.

**Angel2510** Yep, they're getting longer :D DOUBLE PE? WHAT FRESH HELL? I had physics, PE and maths all in one day today (and PMS lol) which explains the bad mood but ah well. I like Matthew, he's cute. I (in real life) met him at a gig with his older brother who is REALLY REALLY HOT (but too old for me sigh) Don't worry about the h/w, I'd do it in bits if I were you - read for 5 mins, 5 mins h/w...well that's normally my plan but it never actually happens that way haha. By the way, what's your name? (none of my business but ah well) I'm in need of names for new characters... I really wasn't gonna update today, but you just sounded so desperate and needy...so I updated. All for you! Yay! And please check out my other fic - I need reviews! lol

**Weird Not Boring** Merci beaucoup. I'm not a fan of Lily and Sirius either, but it happened in my life so it's happening in Lily's. plus it makes for lots of sexual tension...muahahahahahaha...

**Sunshine65** It's interesting that you say that...wanna appear as a Sirius-worshipper somewhere in this fic?

**HPBeatles** Well, we talked so I don't know what to say now except thanks!

**Clarey** Thanks a lot hun. I know it'll be a while before you get this far, but tis muchly appreciated!

Well, that's me done for now. And don't forget children, smoking is a dirty habit. Don't do it. Especially underage.

Becca


	13. Secrets

Petra van Spyk strolled lazily yet purposefully out of the front doors of Hogwarts castle, her eyes fixed on a particular tree at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. She couldn't quite see from her location, but she knew that, somewhere in the shadows behind that tree, someone would be lurking; someone would be waiting for her.

She tossed her head, trying not to look back at the castle. If someone was watching her, they would assume she was merely going for a stroll around the Hogwarts grounds, but if she looked back, they would start to wonder. You only looked back if you had something to hide.

She took the path which led down to the lakeshore, thinking that perhaps she could afford to postpone her inevitable meeting for a few minutes longer. She felt butterflies already in her stomach, and knew that, if she showed nerves, things would not happen the way she wanted them to.

The water was stony grey, reflecting the clouds which formed an oppressive layer above Petra's head. Not even the giant squid was venturing out on this cold November morning. The trees in the Forbidden Forest, growing ever nearer, rustled and swayed with the icy breeze.

The shadows and dark spaces between the trees reminded her that, however hard she tried to make everything perfect, something could always go wrong so very easily. Anyone could be behind that tree, with any intention. Petra prided herself on being able to look after herself, but she knew that if someone was out to get her, she didn't stand a chance. She was on very thin ice already, but she knew that she had to do this. If it wasn't for these meetings, her life as she knew it would end.

Secrets were always a risky business. Petra knew that all too well. She was a damn good liar, but no one could hide something from every living soul in the world forever. What made her secret so especially dangerous was that she was keeping it from both sides. In some eyes this would make her neutral, but in others she was an enemy to both. She knew without a doubt that if either side caught a whiff of what she was doing, she would be dead within the week.

But that didn't matter. Petra's first instinct had always been to follow her heart. Her second was to follow her fear. No one had ever quite understood this notion: they thought she meant that she always avoided anything she instinctively feared, but that wasn't it. No, if Petra feared something she would gravitate towards it.

Her philosophy behind this often stupid attraction was this: the more things you confront of your own accord, the less time you will waste running away from them when you could be preparing to fight the next thing with the experience from the risks you had already taken. This theory was initially what had lead her into this situation, and she often wondered whether her carefully thought out plan had a fatal flaw. But then she thought that if anything was to go wrong, she would most likely end up dead, and that didn't bear any dire consequences for anyone except her. And at least this way she would be dying a death she had chosen to die.

Someone looking out of a grimy window saw Petra as she walked across the lawn. They couldn't hear her feet crunching on the autumn leaves, her deep unsteady breaths or her pounding heartbeat. They could only watch as she made her way closer and closer towards the forest. They watched with both curiosity and a feeling of resignation, sighing and wondering why nothing was ever quite as it seemed.

Petra slowed as she approached the trees, staring intently at the shadows which swayed with their living counterparts as the wind whistled between twigs and branches. Petra shivered uncharacteristically, hugging her chocolate brown cloak around herself and throwing the hood up against the cold.

As she looked around her warily, watching for anything out of place, anything that could cause her ultimate downfall, she saw Hagrid the gamekeeper in his pumpkin patch, weeding enthusiastically. She sighed exasperatedly but with a hint of relief as she realised she would have to wait until Hagrid had gone inside his log cabin before she could make her move.

Petra knew a lot of the students taunted Hagrid and laughed at his home, but Petra would give anything to be inside it right now in front of the roaring log fire which she knew must be burning as smoke poured from the chimney. She couldn't use magic to warm herself lest she draw attention from the castle. The last thing she wanted was for Dumbledore to know she was using magic next the Forbidden Forest when by all rights she should be in the staff room in the warmth, chatting to any other teachers or ghosts who happened to be hanging around between lessons.

She sometimes wished she had an Invisibility Cloak, but she knew that, as she had been taught by Albus Dumbledore many times over the years, _'It's strange how short-sighted being invisible can make you.'_ She really couldn't afford not to notice anyone or anything out of place. Being visible to others was okay so long as they were visible to her. She knew that, the more fear and adrenaline she felt, the sharper her senses would be, and she didn't want them dulled.

Petra watched for a long time, she didn't know how long. Luckily it was the last lesson of the day so she didn't have to worry about getting back to her classroom to teach. Finally, Hagrid put down his spade and returned to his cabin, slamming the heavy wooden door behind him. Petra stood up and, looking around one final time, walked into the forest.

As she stepped behind the tree, as she always did, someone materialised in front of her, causing her to catch her breath.

Up in the castle, the face at the window disappeared.

* * *

Argh, apologies for the lateness of the chapter and its pathetic shortness. I've had loads going on and a serious case of writer's block. Anyway, here's the grand entrance of sub-plot number two (where's sub-plot number one, you say? now that'd be telling...) Actually, it wasn't really a grand entrance was it? To be honest it was a bit of a non-entity. But ah well, it's got me going again. I'll probably write the next one fairly soon as I know where I'm going with it. Hopefully...

**Angel2510** Well hi Lauren, sorry about the awfulness of the chapter but I thought I owe it to you lot to update, even this crappily. The Matt guy? Yeah, I met him at a gig. He's kinda a combination of two guys - one who was really sweet and his older brother (that's my inspiration for the sexiness hehe) who reckons a five-year age gap is too much. Bollocks! Anyway, I could go on about them for hours...and yes, he'll feature again. Neither of them saved me from a psycho but Mr Sexy did hold on to me in the mosh pit so I didnt't get crushed swoon I'm sorry - I've got no more chapters written but I'll try and write some while I've got some time.

**Weird Not Boring** Bummer, I thought I was doing okay. Well this hasn't been BETAed but I guess I'll try to find one beforeI bring another (way longer I promise) chapter out. Don't worry, I'm (this term is not mine - I owe it to Lamina Court) a grammar Nazi too. I swear I was an English teacher in a past life. I'm glad you like the plot so far, and I hope sub-plot number two takes your fancy as well.

**Sunshine65** Sirius-worshipping can be arranged if you give me a name (either yours or if you think I'm a creepy psycho a made up one) for your character hehe. I'm a real fluff obsessive but I've begun to appreciate the other things in life haha. I could tell you why but it would take several hours and probably make a very boring story...oh no, that's right - I'm writing it now! Seriously, I had actually forgotten that. This is bad. Anyway, thank you so much. How do you mean this story means a lot to you? It obviously means a lot to me too, as it's semi-autobiographical, but I'm interested as to why...if you don't mind telling me, that is :)

**HPBeatles** Very good point. Well made.

So, that's it for now, but please **review** and feel free to give me any plot ideas you may have - as I've already said there's a real shortage of inspiration here at the mo. I've got the main plot and a couple of little ones planned out but I'm still working on the little juicy bits - pranks etc. Thanks!

Becca


	14. Discovery

It had been a few weeks since the ball, and Lily was revelling in that loved-up feeling you get when you're stuck between two guys who are both acting like they're crazy about you and are both absolutely gorgeous. She knew that whichever way she moved she could have some kind of relationship with that person, but she also knew, deep down, that whichever guy she chose, James or Matt, in the end it would turn out to be the wrong choice. Either way, she would regret it eventually.

It was a very strange predicament to be in: after all, Lily saw James every day and he was fast becoming her best friend, always full of laughter and cheerfulness. Matt, on the other hand, she only really saw every once in a while. With him being two years older than her and in a different house, they were an odd pair. But every time the met in the corridors or locked eyes across the Great Hall, Lily felt a flutter and Matt would always smile or give a cheeky wink.

Awakening from her sleepy thoughts as she half-listened to Professor Binns talking monotonously about goblins and giants and some kind of Scandinavian civil war, Lily focused her eyes on the figure she had been unconsciously watching for the past fifteen minutes or so. She yawned, then frowned as Professor van Spyk got to her feet from the tree stump she had been sitting on.

Why was she near the forest? Surely she wouldn't take a walk for pleasure in this weather – it was absolutely freezing! And it seemed even less likely that the highly appearance-conscious woman would be sitting on a log letting her beautiful curls be tossed around by the wind unless she was waiting for something. But only Dark things resided in the Forbidden Forest.

Could it be that Petra was a Death Eater? After all, she was a Slytherin and definitely very cold and calculating. Lily mentally kicked herself. How could she have trusted Petra? She was Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, but that just meant she knew a lot about the Dark Arts! She had been alone with Lily in her office – she could have done anything! How could Lily have been so stupid?

As Lily thought about it, she became more and more sure that she was right. Her Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor was a Death Eater. And surely Professor Dumbledore didn't know, after all, it wasn't as if he would let a Death Eater teach at Hogwarts. Not knowingly anyway. Lily would have to tell him.

Then she realised how stupid it would sound – the only proof she had was that she had seen Petra near the Forbidden Forest, and that was hardly grounds upon which to accuse someone of being a Death Eater. There was only one way around it – she would have to investigate.

"James!" Lily hissed quietly, just loud enough for James on the desk in front to hear. Jess, too, had heard, and she turned around from Lily's right and raised an eyebrow. Lily stuck her tongue out and turned to James, who was looking at her quizzically.

"What?" He mouthed.

"Come with me after class." Lily whispered. He raised both his eyebrows but nodded and turned back around.

A few moment later, a piece of parchment levitated itself off James' desk and onto Lily's. She took one look and burst out laughing, causing even Professor Binns to turn around.

"Sorry Professor" she said quickly, and, with a relieved look, he continued.

The note read: _You're keen._

Lily grinned and scrawled _In your dreams!_ underneath, sending the parchment back in James' direction.

At the end of the class, Lily got up quickly and grabbed James' arm.

"Come _on_!"

"Alright, chill out woman! What's the hurry?"

Lily sighed. "I can't tell you now, just come with me."

"Hey, you could be taking me anywhere!"

"Don't you trust me?"

"No!"

"Really?"

"Well, I don't trust you not to pull some stupid prank on me!"

"Ahem, pots and frikkin kettles!"

"Alright alright, I'm coming. Remus, don't wait up."

"Wha?" Remus turned round, puzzled.

"I'm off with Lily."

Remus raised his eyebrows and made a rather lewd gesture behind James' back. Lily scowled but didn't retort. She dragged James by the arm out of the classroom and down the hall, down stairs, more corridors and finally the marble staircase into the entrance hall.

"Where the bloody hell are we going?"

"I'll tell you in a minute."

"C'mon Lils, can't I just dump my bag or something?" Seeing that they were headed outside, he moaned "Lily, it's bloody freezing out there. Can I go get my coat?"

"There's no time!"

"Well some of us don't have insulation…"

"Excuse me? What are you implying about my flabbage?"

"Did I once mention flabbage?" James grinned, and Lily suddenly didn't mind this comment.

"Okay, fair enough. Just get a move on! I'll explain outside."

James sighed but hurried after her. When they got outside, now moving at a brisk jog, James spoke again.

"Are you gonna tell me then?"

"Yeah. Well, I was looking out the window –"

"Lily Evans! Why weren't you paying attention?"

"Have you _ever_ paid attention in one of Binns' classes?"

"Fair point. So what? Was Hagrid's cabin on fire?"

"No" Lily laughed. "But I saw Petra."

"Petra?"

Lily suddenly realised that not all the class would know their Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher by her first name. "Van Spyk."

"Oh. So?"

"She was standing by the Forbidden Forest. Looked like she was waiting for someone."

"Again, so?"

"Duh, she was by the forest!"

"Well knowing her, she was probably going in for a quick shag."

"James!"

"Bet she was!"

"Bet she wasn't."

"Was!"

"Wasn't."

"How much do you bet?"

"A lot. Look James, what if she's up to something?"

"Like what? A mass orgy?"

"James, be serious! She's a Slytherin"

"Well I did try pointing that out to you a while ago, but you're the one that's all chummy with her."

"That's not relevant!"

"Is so."

"James, shut up!…..James, why aren't you saying anything?"

"You did tell me to shut up."

"I meant listen!"

"Well that's not what you said."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Look, don't you think it's a bit suspicious?"

"Suspicious? Yeah, but she is a Slytherin."

"I am aware of that. But what idiot would be out here in the cold for a shag in the middle of November?"

"A Slytherin?"

"Shut up about goddamn Slytherin, James!"

"Oh fine. Yeah, I s'pose she could be up to something sneaky, evil and generally Slytherin-like…"

"Potter!"

"Hey, I'm agreeing with you here! I could easily turn around and go back, you know."

"True. Does that mean you'll join my spying mission then?" Lily asked, talking quietly and slowing down so as not to alert anyone to their presence. They drew closer to the forest and began walking along the treeline.

"Where was she?" James whispered.

"About here" Lily said, stopping and peering into the trees.

"Shall we go in?" James said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Go on then." Lily said, grinning.

James led the way between the trees, brushing Lily's waist with his hand to guide her in the right direction. Lily couldn't help but smile at this. After a few minutes Lily thought of something.

"Er…James?"

"Yup. That's me."

"Isn't this a bit stupid?"

"Why?"

"Well, we're wandering around in the Forbidden Forest when we know for a fact that a Slytherin with a great knowledge of the Dark Arts and probably someone else is in here too. They could be watching us right now."

"Now who's starting with the Slytherin prejudice?"

"You know what I mean, James." Lily was beginning to sound a little scared so James turned around and hugged her, pulling her close to him. Lily grinned, suddenly feeling _much_ better.

"We're fine, Lils. Think about it. If there were people watching us. They would have done something by now. Why would they just be watching?"

"Yeah, I guess…"

"And we haven't heard a peep out of anyone. We'll just have to listen hard for anyone, that way no one could sneak up on us, yeah?"

The sky was growing darker as winter closed in, and Lily shivered as James pulled away from her.

"Yeah it's cold, but you're the one who insisted on coming out with no jackets."

"I'm sorry –"

"Don't worry, I was only joking. I would hug you again, y'know – the penguin effect, but that could make walking difficult."

"I suppose so." Lily wouldn't have cared though. They should make hugging-and-walking an Olympic sport, that way they'd have a damn good excuse to practice. She supposed the magical community didn't do the Olympics though. A World Cup then? She was jerked to her senses as James stopped, putting his arm out to bring her to a halt alongside him.

"Hear that?" Lily barely heard him speak, but she could see the words formed on James' lips.

She cocked her head to the side. "Rustling" she mouthed, and James nodded.

They crept forward, James' hand on Lily's shoulder, until they stood at the edge of a very small clearing. Now they could both see what Petra's secret meeting had been about.

"Bloody hell. What did I tell you?"

* * *

So so **so _so SO_** sorry for the lateness of the update and the shortness...I've been really busy and feeling really awful and I haven't really been in the mood to write about happy times. So sorry! Also, I haven't yet been able to find a BETA so if there are mistakes, I apologise!

**Harry Potter Mania** Telling you what role Matt will play would kinda spoil the story, non? Thanks anyway.

**Angel2510** Yeah you're right, they're all linked in one big plot, but I see the main plot as being about Lily and James and then loads of other underlying stories. Petra...she's gonna play an interesting role. I'm not sure how vital to the plot she will be yet, but she'll definitely spice things up a bit. And I repeat: weird reviews are GOOD:D

**HPBeatles** Yeah, you know about subplot #1, but only vaguely. I'm not gonna spoil it for you. I may need help in the near future, thanks - I'll let you know :)

**Weird Not Boring** Hehe, gotta love murder mysteries...I was wondering if anyone read other people's replies - I guess you've answered that for me! Sirius worshipping is ALWAYS good - thanks very much!

**Dk Lili** Thanks, I try... :)

**Sunshine65** I tried to get updating but it kinda didn't happen...sorry! Did you get my email? I'm sorry if that was totally out of order, but I just wanted to say something, and on here isn't exactly the best place...shrug

Right, I'm gonna be very ambitious here and ask for 10 **review**s before I update. I know enough people read it, so if you want me to update, check the **review** count and add yours please! I really need feedback if this is gonna work, so work with me here guys!

Just out of interest what do people think is gonna happen next?

**a) **Petra will be participating in a mass orgy.

**b)** Petra will be fighting someone.

**c)** She will have killed someone.

**d)** Someone will have killed her.

**e)** Petra will be talking to some really scary Death Eater-type people.

**f) **She will be having a shag against a tree.

**g)** She will be standing in the middle of the clearing talking to herself and occasionally yelling "Muahahahahaha! I will rule the world!"

Prizes for the people who get the right answer...

A million apologies for my bad writing at the moment, I'm just not really in the mood. Spur me on people!

Becca


	15. Surprise

"Oh God…no…please…oh…"

Lily's eyes widened. She hadn't been at all prepared for this. She could feel James next to her, his muscles suddenly tense, as if ready to spring. She placed a hand gently on his shoulder and felt him relax beneath her fingertips.

Petra's face was contorted in an unreadable expression, perhaps in pain from the way her head was being scraped against the rough bark of the tree behind her, or more likely…well, Lily didn't want to think about it too hard. This was her teacher after all.

"Holy crap on a frikkin stick!"

"Ssh!"

"Why should I bloody 'ssh'? I mean…ugh!"

"Well, you should be proud of yourself."

"Proud of myself? What the bloody hell are you talking about? Ugh, ugh, UGH!"

"Well, you were right."

"No I bloody- hang on, I was! I was right!" Lily rolled her eyes. "I was right, I was right, HA! I. Was. Right! Take that, Lily Little-Miss-Perfect Evans!"

"Yes, well done. However, you being right in this case is probably better than me being right. In fact, I'm quite relieved."

"You're only saying that cos you're WRONG!"

"Yes, I'm wrong. I repeat: well done. Now can you please shut up about it and tell me why we're standing here watching…this?"

"Er…I dunno actually. Why _are_ we standing here watching this?"

Lily shrugged. "Sex education?" she suggested.

"If you say so." James was looking at her sideways, and Lily remembered that sex education didn't exist in the magical world.

"Never mind" Lily said, grinning at James' bemused expression. "Muggle thing."

James nodded slowly, still looking at her like she was slightly deranged. Lily turned back to look at Petra and her…partner. This was bloody surreal – watching your Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor having a shag up against a tree. Lily supposed they should have left them too it as soon as they had seen (or heard, she reminded herself) what was going on, but she still had a niggling feeling that something was wrong. If anything could be more wrong than watching hardcore porn starring your teacher, anyway.

"Who is it, d'ya reckon?" Lily asked, glancing at James, who was staring, transfixed, at Petra. She tried not to laugh at the way his mouth was hanging open and nudged him. "James…"

"Eh…wha?" James shut his mouth and turned to look at her.

"Oh, get a grip. For God's sake!"

"Hello! She's fucking him up against a tree!"

"Er…so? Teachers are entitled to sex lives too, you know!" James merely looked dumbfounded, so Lily continued. "Anyway, it's not even as if you can see anything!"

"Well actually, if you tilt your head to the right a bit, you can sort of see her –"

"Too. Much. Information. I don't want to _know_ how much you can see."

"Well, if you will ask…"

"Grr…"

"Okay okay, calm down!"

"You've got a bloody nerve!" Lily stopped as soon as she saw James' grin – he was only trying to wind her up. "Look, I was just saying: who do you think that is?"

"Dunno, lucky bugger."

"James!"

"Well, she's fit!"

"And your bloody teacher!"

"So?"

"I'm getting a strange sense of déjà vu here…"

"Yeah, you just seem to keep repeating the same arguments over and over again…"

"James Potter, you know full well – oh never mind. It's a lost cause isn't it?" It was more of a statement than a question, but James answered anyway.

"Yup."

"C'mon, since we're here we may as well work out who it is."

"Why bother?"

"Well, it's a bit odd that they've come all this way just to have a shag isn't it?"

"What, you expect them to do it in the middle of the Great Hall?"

"No –" Lily sighed at his stupidity. Boys could be so _dense_! "But she could do it in her bloody office couldn't she?"

"I s'pose so."

"So why is she in here?"

"Might like it in the open air…"

"James!"

"Well she might! Slytherins are buggers for having creepy fetishes y'know…"

"How would you know? You know as little – thank Merlin – about Slytherin sex lives as I do."

"So that's what you want everyone to think, is it?"

"_What_ is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, I was wondering why you were keeping so quiet about those cosy little nights in with Snape."

"James Potter!"

"Oh, I know you love to scream my name, but really – twice in one night? I'm better than I thought…"

"James…" Lily had to try very hard to keep her voice quiet.

"But really, Snivellus will be disappointed –"

"JAMES POTTER!" Lily lost her cool. "NEVER CALL SEVERUS THAT AGAIN WITHIN MY HEARING UNLESS YOU WANT ME TO REMOVE BOTH YOUR EARS, STICK THEM UP YOUR ARSE AND MAKE YOU FART THEM OUT!"

James went pale. Lily, surprised that her outburst had that much of an effect, raised an eyebrow. Then she realised that James was not looking at her, but over her shoulder. She turned and saw Petra van Spyk gazing right at her, her lip curled in a manner Lily could only describe as terrifying. The man between them hadn't moved, and Lily guessed that he was too preoccupied to hear her, but Petra most certainly had. Then something she saw made her blood freeze in her veins and her heart feel like it had stopped beating.

Lily's first reaction was to turn and run. A few seconds later, she heard James stumbling behind her, breathing heavily and cracking numerous twigs beneath his feet. Lily ran into branches, tripped and fell into brambles, thistles and all manner of painful things, but she didn't stop running. James, alarmed, tried to catch up with her, but he was bigger than her and had a harder time navigating between the trees.

Finally, Lily saw light between the trees, Clutching a stitch in her side, she scrambled through the last of the trees until she was on cool, damp grass. She fell forwards, feeling the dewy blades against the skin on her face and neck. She was panting, not used to running so far and fast, not used to the fear she had felt, the adrenaline coursing through her. James fell to his knees beside Lily, and she could hear his fast, shallow breaths like her own. Even his rigorous Quidditch training, clearly, had not prepared him for following Lily's terrified sprint through the forest.

They lay there, not speaking, for what felt like hours, their breathing slowly returning to normal and Lily's fear ebbing away slowly as she watched the water in the lake steadily lapping at the rocks around its edge. The moonlight shimmered off the surface through a gap in the thick, dense clouds.

"Lily, what- why?"

She didn't need to ask what he was talking about. She gave a shudder and spoke, her voice trembling. "Didn't you see?"

"See what?" James looked genuinely perplexed, and Lily sighed again.

"His arm…"

"His arm?"

Lily could picture it in her head, frozen as if an artist had painted it there, on the back of her eyelids. She was staring straight at Lily, and his arm was behind her head, holding her up. And on his arm, there on that eerily moonlit skin, there it was. It was alive, it was evil. Lily fought back a sob.

"The Dark Mark."

"The – the what? Lily, what do you mean?"

"He had it on his arm. The Dark Mark." She was surer of herself now, and she needed James to understand, to believe her. "James, he's a Death Eater."

James nodded, accepting without question. He knew Lily wouldn't lie, and there was nothing else which could make her run like that. He had never known anything else to inspire such terror. "If he's a Death Eater, that must mean –"

"She's one too. I know." James smiled. Lily, affronted, said "What's so funny?"

"You were right after all. You thought she was a Death Eater, and I thought she'd be shagging someone in secret. Turns out we were both right."

Lily gazed up at the bright round moon and smiled. "Yeah, I guess we were."

The two lay in silence for a minute, until James spoke. "What do we do now?"

"Well…I guess we tell someone."

James paused. "But who can we tell?"

"Dumbledore? He needs to know."

James shook his head. "He'll never believe us."

"Why not?"

"Why should he? It's our word against a teacher's, plus we aren't supposed to be out in the dark, let alone in the Forbidden Forest!"

"I guess…"

"We can't have her knowing we're trying to snitch on her either."

"She already saw…we're in enough trouble as it is!"

"If we keep quiet though, maybe she'll let it go…maybe she'll think she was imagining things."

Lily had her doubts, but she couldn't suggest anything better. "Alright, just let it go. But we'd better keep an eye on her. After all, she's a Death Eater. She could be up to anything!"

James' head jerked up and Lily's heart began to race again. Someone was approaching, right behind them.

"'Ello, you two. What the ruddy 'ell are you doin' out 'ere?"

"Oh, Hagrid!" Lily could have kissed him. "It's only you."

"Damn righ' it's me. Potter, wha' you doin out 'ere?"

"Er, we were just…"

"…Stargazing."

"Yeah. Stargazing."

They could tell Hagrid wasn't remotely convinced. "Well ge' inside! It's full moon ye know!" He looked meaningfully at James, who turned white.

"Full – oh SHIT!" He jumped to his feet and sprinted away, swearing loudly until they couldn't hear him any longer.

"Wha' the ruddy 'ell was tha' abou'?" Hagrid asked after a minute, looking bemusedly at Lily.

She shrugged. "Who knows? He's a weird one."

"Ye can say tha' again."

Lily smiled. "What's wrong with full moon anyway?"

"Er…I…er…nothin'. I jus' mean'…" Hagrid stuttered. Lily sighed.

"Is it Remus?"

"Remus? Lupin? Why would I' be anythin' to do with 'im?" Hagrid was bright red, Lily could see that even by the moonlight.

"I'm right aren't I? Is Remus a werewolf?"

"Nothin' slips pas' ye, does it?" Hagrid said disgruntledly.

"Don't worry, I already knew. I mean. He never told me, but it's pretty hard not to know after being best friends with him for four years."

"Hm." Hagrid still wasn't happy.

"Look, Hagrid, I'm not going to say anything to anyone. I don't mind, I just wish he would have told me…"

"Don't ye worry yoursel' about tha' – 'e 'asn't tole anyone but Dumbledore, Madam Pomfrey and meself. Even those scamps 'e calls friends only found out by followin' 'im one nigh' –" Hagrid broke off. Clearly he had said too much.

"Following him where?"

"Nowhere, I jus'…It was a figure o' speech."

"If you say so." Lily would get it out of him another time, she really couldn't be bothered now. Not that it would make a difference anyway – full moons were private for Remus and she would never confront him about it or invade it.

"Look, ye'd better ge' back ter the castle, it's not safe, even fe me and me crossbow." He tapped the weapon slung across his shoulder. "C'mon, I'll walk ye back."

"Thanks Hagrid."

Wondering vaguely where James had gone, Lily walked with Hagrid back to the castle. She would find out one day, but not tonight. He was too long gone.

>

James raced towards the Whomping Willow, panicking. He suddenly stopped, dropped his bag and started rifling through it, looking desperately for something. Finally, he pulled out a mirror and gave it a rub with his sleeve.

"Sirius!"

Sirius' face appeared in the mirror, grinning. His voice was echoey, as if it was coming from the middle of a cave somewhere.

"James, mate! You alright?"

"Yeah, but Sirius –"

"Where'd Lils drag you off to anyway?" Sirius frowned suddenly. "She didn't –"

"Sirius, where are you?"

"I'm in the common room, but –"

"Why aren't you at the bloody willow? The moon's out already!"

"Fuck. I forgot! Sorry mate. Can you hold him on your own? Peter and I will be down in a minute…"

"I'm not there either, that's the problem! I can be there in five, but –"

"Shit, shit, shit…"

"What? It's not that much of an issue is it? I was running cos I thought you lot would be out already, but if we're not there, he'll just stay put won't he?"

"Um, Prongs…" Sirius was biting his lip now, a sure sign that he was fighting an internal battle.

"What?" James suddenly went numb. He hadn't – not tonight. Not even Sirius would be that stupid…

"Well, you know how I was joking about telling Snivellus about Moony –"

"Sirius, you _dick_! You didn't! Please, please tell me you didn't tell him. Not tonight."

"Well, um…yeah."

"Oh FUCKING HELL, Padfoot! What the FUCK are we gonna do? Oh fuck you, I've gotta go get him."

James dropped the mirror on the ground, Sirius' face still staring out of it looking worried as hell. As he began to run for the fourth time that night, James heard Sirius' voice, this time sounding almost as panicked as his own, growing fainter as James left it and his bag far behind. "Prongs, you can't! James, he'll kill you. JAMES!"

But James didn't listen, he just ran flat out to the Whomping Willow. As he approached, still far too far away to do a thing, he saw a long-haired silhouette disappear into the shadow of the tree. _Fuck, fuck, FUCK! _he cursed, wondering if he could get there in time. Even if he could get to the willow, Remus could have ripped Snivellus – no, Snape he reminded himself - limb for limb. He upped the pace and grabbed the stick they always used from the ground near the tree. He jabbed at the trunk viciously, and the branches froze. James dived through the hole in the tree roots, scraping both his shoulders and knocking the wind out of himself. He squeezed his eyes shut and prepared himself for what he might see when he opened them again.

He opened his eyes and couldn't see a thing. As his eyes adjusted to the gloom of the passage, he listened. All was eerily quiet, except for quiet yet eager footsteps travelling in the opposite direction from where James stood.

"Snape" he hissed. The footsteps didn't falter. "Snape!" James whispered. He didn't dare speak too loud, for he knew that Remus' transformed ears were very sensitive. At least Snape was being quiet. "_SNAPE!_" James could see the greasy little bugger now, almost at the trapdoor. He stopped as James ran forwards, and turned around, a horrible sneer on his face.

"Potter" His lip curled.

"Snape" James nodded, clenching his fists. "You've got to get out of here."

"Why? Afraid I'll discover Lupin's little secret?"

"No," Snape snorted. "Well, yes, but you don't understand – you could get hurt."

"You expect me to believe that? You Gryffindors really are stupid. Why would you care even if I could get hurt? You hate me and I hate you."

"I may hate you, you prick, but that doesn't mean I want you killed!"

"Fuck off, Potter. I'm not gonna get killed. I forced Black into telling me how to find your scraggy little pal and I'm not letting it lie now."

"Get out, Snivelus." James was losing his patience. He was trying hard to be civil to Snape and to stop him getting killed, but the stupid bugger just wouldn't listen.

"Ooh, don't like me insulting your little bumchums? Looks like I've hit a nerve."

"Snape –" James was cut off by a thud from above. He could hear heavy paws scrabbling frantically and then the creak of a door and the thudding down stairs. "Snape, quick! He's coming, damn it!"

"Who am I supposed to be scared of?" Snape asked with another very familiar sneer, "Lupin?" Then Snape caught a glimpse of James' terrified face and it hit him. James wasn't winding him up. They were both in very real danger.

Suddenly, a snarling and scratching came from the trapdoor only feet away from where Snape was standing. Snape screamed and ran towards James. It wasn't a cowardly, girlie scream as James would have expected, but a strangely feral cry. He pushed past James, who was standing stock still, unable to move. One of his best friends was behind that trapdoor, wanting to kill him.

James heard Snape clambering through the hole in the trunk and then saw a huge, dog-like paw reaching through the now-open trapdoor. He couldn't move. If he let Remus past him, he would be sure to get Snape, and then they would all be in trouble – Snape would be dead, and Sirius would probably be sent to Azkaban for attempted murder. And Remus – Remus would surely kill himself rather than have to face the fact that he had killed another human being.

His mind was made up. He would stay put and hope that Remus would go for him instead of following Snape. He thought briefly about trying to transform into his new stag form, but then dismissed this idea. He had only transformed four times before: once in practice, once with the others at full moon in the summer, and twice at school in the grounds near the willow. But each time there had been no pressure, no urgency to change. He doubted it would be possible to transform now, with a werewolf dead set on killing him.

James quickly cast a shielding charm around his body, hoping that it would hold Remus off until James could get it through to him that he was his friend, he didn't want to hurt him, and he would not make a good midnight snack.

He watched as the fully-fledged werewolf clambered down through the trapdoor and waited for the onslaught he knew would come.

* * *

I've realised how stupid it is for me to expect 10 **review**s for such a short and frankly crap chapter, so I updated anyway. This time, however,I would like my **review** count up to 51 before I add even a letter onto this story. However, thank you to those people who did **review**...

**Weird Not Boring** Well, you were right on both counts - snogging and scary death-eater-like people. Yay! Yeah, I love the L/J moments too. Hope they're enough to keep the spice in it for the time being...

**HPBeatles** Hope you had a good weekend, glad to hear I have such a positive effect! haha

Anyway, I think I'm back to my usual standard with this one, so I hope I've restored your faith! The writer's block has disintegrated and my ideas are in full flow, soplease **review** guys, cos otherwise I honestly won't be writing anything any more. Nothing. Zilch. Nada. Nichts. Niente. But i really would love to write some more, so you know what to do...**review**!


	16. Fight

**Fight**

"Moony, Moony! It's me!" James said, trying (and failing) to sound confident as the fully-fledged werewolf advanced menacingly towards him, growling. "Moony? Remus? I'm James. Prongs. James Potter, remember me?" James backed away slowly, swallowing frequently even though his mouth felt dry as a bone. "Er…you don't wanna kill me, mate. I'm skinny, don't taste nice. Moony? Oh, _fuck_!" Remus was charging at him now, drooling in anticipation. James knew you should never turn your back on an adversary, but sprinting towards the exit was probably going to be more useful that hobbling drunkenly backwards and watching as your guts were torn out.

As he ran the few metres towards the hole which led outside, James could almost feel the werewolf's jaws closing around his throat. This spurred him on even further and he made a giant leap through, or at least part way through, the exit hole. He landed half in and half out of the hole, bruising his hips and probably breaking a couple of ribs, judging by the sharp pain in his torso.

He struggled to pull the rest of his body through and, just as he was dragging his knee over the threshold, he felt strong, lethal jaws clamp around his ankle.

"_Fuck!_" James yelled, screwing his face up against the pain. Any second now, Moony's fangs would hit and break his skin, and he didn't want to think of the consequences of a werewolf bite. He thanked his late grandmother silently for this particularly horrible, itchy and, more importantly, _thick_ pair of socks. Not even thinking what he was doing, James turned around and, using the wand he had been clutching ever since he had caught sight of Snape, used a quite skilful (or so he would tell his friends later) impediment jinx which, more out of luck than any particular aim on James' part, hit the werewolf's jaws and caused him to release James' leg. As fast as he could considering the situation, James scrambled out of the hole and pressed himself against the trunk as a rather lethal-looking branch whipped past his head.

Remus' snapping jaws were visible out of the hole but, in his current state of mind, he did not know how to freeze the Willow's branches. James, seeing that he was safe, could breathe once again. Now his only problem was how to get away from the Willow…

>

"- and then I had to leg it all the way up to the bloody castle before they locked the doors!"

"Wow, James. That was really brave of you!"

"Yeah, it was _amazing_," said Sirius, batting his eyes. "So amazing, in fact, that Wormtail may have a wet dream about it tonight, eh Rat-boy?" Peter went bright red.

"Aw Sirius, leave him alone. He can't help how in awe of me he is. After all, so are half the school."

"If you say so, mate," Sirius rolled his eyes. "Don't see why you didn't just leave Moony to finish Snivellus off though."

"Bit harsh, Padfoot."

"Deserves it though, doesn't he? If ever there was a Death Eater in the making, it's that one."

"True, though it'd deprive us of many a fun time to come…" James winked over at a girl on the Hufflepuff table, who promptly giggled, blushed and dropped her fork in her baked beans, causing them to splatter all over her front.

Sirius guffawed. "Nice one, mate!"" Peter, who had only just caught up with the conversation, started sniggering too.

"Where's Moony?" James asked Peter, who was usually the one who kept an eye on the Hospital Wing. Peter shrugged.

"Dunno, probably still in the infirmary."

"He doesn't know –" James broke off as Lily and Jess sat down beside him.

"I doubt it," continued Sirius in a hushed voice. "He can't normally remember what happens when he –" Sirius broke off again, looking around, "- can he?"

Peter and James shook their heads, and James pretended to notice Lily's presence. "Oh, hey Lils. Good sleep?"

"No. For _some_ reason, all I could hear all night was an odd sort of howling…sounded kinda like a dog. Or a wolf…"

James, Sirius and Peter all paled instantly. Of course, Lily had heard nothing of the sort, but now she had found out exactly what she needed to know: something _had_ gone on the previous night between the Marauders and their fourth member who was currently MIA.

"Where's Remus this morning anyway?" Jess asked innocently. Actually, this innocence on her part wasn't feigned, as only Lily had any idea about Remus' lycanthropy.

"Er –" Sirius started.

"He's in the Hospital Wing," Peter continued, clearly thinking fast. "He's got –"

"A furry little problem." James finished, and for reasons unknown to Jess, all three boys and Lily chose hat moment to burst out laughing.

"Right…" Jess said, but merely looked thoughtful and turned back to her steaming mug of herbal tea.

Lily took a sip of her own tea and spluttered. "Ugh, what _is_ that? It tastes like…gravel or something. Yuck!"

"Mine's alright," Carrie piped up from the other side of the table. "Weird flavour though; mandarin or something. Could have sworn it was Earl Grey…" she shrugged and resumed her conversation with Chrissy.

After a few minutes, Jess took a sip of her tea. "UGH! _VOMIT_ FLAVOURED? WHAT THE HELL?" She had spat her tea all over the table, drenching a couple of third-years sitting across the table from her. Then realisation dawned, and she turned to the Marauders, eyes narrowed. "It was you, wasn't it? You switched the bloody teabags for Bertie Bott's Every-Flavour Teabags! You…stupid…immature…annoying…little…"

"Geniuses?" James suggested. For a split second, Lily thought Jess was about to explode, but she didn't. She reached across the table for a jug of milk, and threw it in James' face.

Lily thought she was going to split her sides laughing. Milk was dripping from James' nose, down the lenses of his glasses, down the collar of his shirt and, strangely, down each spike of his tufty hair. By now, almost all of the Gryffindor table who had seen the incident and assorted members of other tables were laughing hysterically at James' expense. Scowling, he shook his head rather as a dog would, showering everyone within about eight metres with milk droplets. Then he smiled at Lily, and she didn't like the evil look he had in his eyes.

"Sorry guys, it was Lily's idea." Lily's jaw dropped as James continued innocently, "you know how she gets sometimes." Before Lily could even voice her indignant reply, Jess had picked up the magically refilled milk jug and thrown it all over Lily.

"Argh! Jessica frikkin Radley! That's a new frikkin top! Urgh!"

James was bent double with laughter, and Jess looked like she was about to suffocate. "Oh –" laugh, "- bloody –" giggle, "- hell –" snigger "- Lily!"

"It is _not_ funny!"

"It really is," Carrie giggled. "Look at yourself, Lils." James sniggered as Lily looked down at herself. "And you, James. You're worse than she is, actually." James growled, grabbed the milk jug, and threw it at Carrie.

"Ugh! James Potter, you will _pay_!"

James was laughing too hard at Carrie's appearance to notice her vault over the Gryffindor table, causing everyone in the vicinity to back away, terrified, and grab the milk jug. James suddenly realised that both Carrie and the milk jug were missing.

"Er…guys…where's Carrie? Where's –" he gulped, "- where's the milk jug? Why are you backing away? What –"

At this exact moment, Carrie grabbed the back of James' collar and poured the entire jug of ice-cold milk down his back. James gave a high pitched shriek, causing even the teachers to stop and stare. James leapt up, grabbing a tureen of porridge and dumped it unceremoniously over Sirius' head.

"FOOD FIGHT!"Chrissy and Peter yelled simultaneously.

After ten long and messy minutes, the students finally ran out of ammunition. Very wisely, Professor Dumbledore had alerted the House Elves in the kitchen to stop filling up the dishes. He had, however, prevented Professor McGonagall trying to stop the food fight.

"Don't worry about it, Minerva. They're only children, after all."

"Yes, but Albus! They're _destroying_ Gryffindor's reputation!"

"Rather fantastically, I must say."

"Albus!"

"If you try to stop it, you'll only get covered in food. Besides, it'll give the third-year Charms class something to do. Filius was just saying to me how they needed to improve their Scouring Charms."

"Whatever you say, Albus," Minerva McGonagall went back to her cornflakes with a sigh.

Back at the Gryffindor table, James, Lily andPeter emerged from under the table. James and Lily were, fortunately, only covered in milk. Peter, for some strange and miraculous reason, wasn't even ruffled, let alone covered in food. The Gryffindors not hiding under the table, however, were covered from head to toe in an assortment of breakfast dishes, beverages and anything else they had been able to lay their hands on, including mint humbugs.

Within seconds, everyone in the Great Hall was in stitches, even Professor McGonagall, though she tried to look disapproving. James and Lily sighed, looked down at themselves, looked at each other, and joined in the hysterical laughter ringing around the stone walls.

"Come on, you lot," Jess said, looking disgruntled. Than, when no one paid her any attention whatsoever, she shouted at them. "For heaven's sake! We've got classes in a few minutes and we're all covered in food! And Lily and James will probably stink to high heaven once that milk dries out!"

"Oh, chill out," James said. "You're just pissed off because you've got your precious hair messy."

"Well shouldn't I be?" Jess screeched. "None of this was my fucking fault!"

"Well…" Lily said brightly, "if I remember rightly –"

"Which she generally does," Chrissy piped up.

"- You were the one who chucked the milk in the first place."

"Well that was only because you two were so fucking immature!"

" Jess said, looking disgruntled. Than, when no one paid her any attention whatsoever, she shouted at them. "For heaven's sake! We've got classes in a few minutes and we're all covered in food! And Lily and James will probably stink to high heaven once that milk dries out!"

"Oh, chill out," James said. "You're just pissed off because you've got your precious hair messy."

"Well shouldn't I be?" Jess screeched. "None of this was my fucking fault!"

"Well…" Lily said brightly, "if I remember rightly –"

"Which she generally does," Chrissy piped up.

"- You were the one who chucked the milk in the first place."

"Well that was only because you two were so fucking immature!"

"Yeah," James muttered, "because throwing milk is so incredibly mature."

Jess opened her mouth, her expression furious, but she was cut off by Professor Dumbledore clearing his throat. The hall, and the laughter of people still staring at the Gryffindor table, ceased also.

"Professor Van Spyk has just informed me that your lessons start in approximately four minutes and twenty three seconds, so I suggest you all get to class. Oh, and I feel I ought to mention that lateness with no better excuse than that the student or students concerned are covered in food will be punished with instant detention."

"Bet I know who we've got to thank for that…" Chrissy grumbled.

"Bloody Slytherin," Sirius scowled, glaring and Professor Van Spyk, who was sipping daintily out of a coffee cup and looking highly pleased with herself.

"So, on that note, chop chop! Off to lessons you go!" Dumbledore beamed and sat back down to continue his conversation with Professor McGonagall.

"Argh! What did I tell you? If we'd just scarpered then, when we had the chance…"

"Shut up, Jess." Everyone looked at Carrie in shock. The girl must have PMS or something – she was normally the peacemaker. Then, sounding much more like her normal self, she said, "We've just got to make the best of it, I suppose."

Theseven Gryffindors got to their feet, neither Lily or Sirius sparing each other a glance although they walked next to each other in silence all the way to the entrance hall.

"Come on, quick!" Chrissy hissed. "We can sneak up now, pretend we're going to Divination or something!"

Lily checked around her furtively, then followed Christina up the marble staircase, the others in hot pursuit. As they reached the top, they heard Chris groan. "Bugger!"

"Nice to see you too, Miss Marsden. Oh, and half my class, I see! Well, isn't that just lovely? I can escort you to Defence Against the Dark Arts personally!" she smiled sweetly and gestured to them all.

"If she thinks I'm going anywhere with her…" James muttered to Lily, narrowing his eyes.

"Follow me please," she began to walk. "And if anyone even _thinks _of slipping off, it'll be detention for a month and fifty points from Gryffindor." Turning round and seeing the appalled looks on each of their faces, Petra smirked in satisfaction and sped up.

As they walked, each of them (except Peter and Carrie, neither of whom could multitask to save their lives) managed to perform a scouring charm to remove most of the food stuck to them. Sadly, however, this didn't seem to have any effect on odours; Lily and James were both beginning to smell rather sour.

At no point in the lesson, for some reason, did anyone come remotely close to Lily and James' desk, even Petra, who usually made a habit of having a chat with all her students. They found that everyone steered clear of them in Charms, too, and at break everyone seemed to disappear like lightning. Lily and James were left to enjoy each other's company all that morning without interruption. Professor Flitwick was too distracted by mumblings of, "Better than Cheering Charms!" and "Pure genius!" (this last one made James smirk rather more than Lily would have liked) to teach them deodorising charms that lesson. As their third class was Transfiguration, neither of them could do anything about their smell until lunch.

As soon as Professor McGonagall released them, both raced up to Gryffindor Tower, James arriving ahead of Lily, to shower and change. Lily ran up to her dormitory, grabbed a towel, shampoo and some clean robes, and headed down to the prefects' bathroom. When she entered, she heard that someone was already using one of the two shower cubicles against the far wall, so she entered the other, hung her towel up on the door, and undressed.

The occupant of the other cubicle clearly hadn't heard Lily enter the bathroom, as the sound of her shower being turned on shocked whoever it was. Lily heard the unmistakable 'thunk' of a bar of soap hitting the tiled floor, and then the squelch of someone stepping on it. After a loud 'thud', someone yelled, "Argh! Motherfucking titwank!"

"Don't tell me –" Lily said between giggles, "- you just trod on the soap, Potter?"

Evidently he hadn't been expecting her to speak, as another thud sounded, and James yelled, "Fucking hell, woman!"

"What'd I do? And, for that matter, what did you just do?"

"Stubbed my shitting toe. And you scared me! Twice!"

"Haha, I mean – sorry," she carried on laughing silently, leaning against the cubicle wall for support.

"I should bloody think so," James said sulkily. "I'll get you back for that, Evans."

"Yeah. Right." A thought suddenly occurred to Lily. "Don't even _think_ about looking under the gap – I can read your dirty little mind."

"Damn. Foiled. No, seriously Lily, I can't see without my glasses on and if I turn my head sideways they'd fall off, so it wouldn't really be worth trying. And don't you try it either – I could see that, even if I am as blind as a bloody bat."

"Wasn't planning to," Lily said.

"Liar."

"Whatever. Why are you in the prefects' bathroom anyway?"

"Remus gave me the password."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me – all for one and one for all, right?"

"Yup."

Lily sighed and shampooed her hair. It was a weird though actually, James Potter stark naked in the neighbouring cubicle. She hadn't had much chance to use the prefects' bathroom so far, and she'd never showered while someone else did. She smiled and rinsed, bubbles seeping through to next door.

"Don't tell me you're washing your hair?"

"Yeah, I have to."

"Why?"

"Why? Because otherwise it looks like crap."

Lily could almost see James shrugging. "Ah well, mine looks like shit anyway, so why bother?"

"Cos otherwise it'll smell like milky shit."

"Won't."

"Will."

"Fine. Pass me your shampoo. It's better not be girlie stuff."

"It isn't." Lily slid the bottle under the gap.

"Ow, that's my foot! Are you trying to kill me or something?"

"Definitely. Anyway, I'm done. I'll see you in a minute. And I want my shampoo back!"

"Right-o."

Lily wrapped a towel round her, and swore as she realised her clean clothes were on the other side of the bathroom. She would have to run across as quickly as possible and scramble into her clothes before James left the shower. In her haste, she slipped on the wet floor and landed dramatically in the huge bathtub.

"Aw, _shite_!"

She heard James' shower turn off and the door open. "Lily? What happened? Where are you?"

Lily almost laughed at his panicked voice, but then winced as she knocked her rib again. "I'm in the bath."

"In the bath?" She heard his feet padding over, then saw him (upside-down) squinting over the side of the bath at her.

"In the bath," Lily repeated.

"Fell in?"

"Yup."

"Ouch."

"Tell me about it."

"Hold on." He disappeared from Lily's (rather restricted) vision and then swung himself over the side of the bath, slipping on the wet bottom and landing on his ass next to her.

"I could've told you not to do that."

"Shut up, I'm being helpful here." Lily raised an eyebrow. "Well, I see your eyebrows aren't broken…anything else?"

Lily wiggled her limbs experimentally then shook her head. "I'll have some killer bruises though." She sat up and winced.

"You need the hospital wing?"

"Nah."

"Sure?"

"Very."

"Okie dokie, up you get then." James reached out a hand and pulled Lily gently to her feet. She then realised that both of them were only wearing towels, and went pink, staring at his naked chest.

"What?"

"Nothing," Lily said, averting her gaze. Then she suddenly realised that she, too, was showing off a lot that she didn't want to, i.e. her legs. She tried to pull her towel down further, then had to hoist it back up at the top.

"Don't worry," James said, sounding amused. "You look fine, and if you won't believe that, my glasses are still pretty steamed up anyway."

Lily grinned and looked at her feet. "Well you're climbing out first – I don't want you seeing up my towel."

"What about my towel?" James asked in mock indignation.

"There's more of your towel than mine."

"Well actually, that's not strictly true –"

"Shut up and get out."

"Well there's gratitude for you!" but he climbed out anyway, waiting for Lily at the top. "Can you walk alright?"

"I think so." Lily took a few more steps, and pulled a face. "My ankle's a bit fucked."

"Ah well, you'll live."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Mr Sympathetic as always."

"Well, actually, I have been pretty sympathetic in the past, but if this is all the recognition I get for it?" James folded his arms and refused to look at Lily, though she could see him trying not to smile.

"I'm sorry. It is appreciated, and you know it." He still didn't turn round, so Lily put her arms around him, giving him a backwards kind of hug, and let her head rest on his shoulder.

"Alright, I love you too. Don't get all soppy on me."

"Aw you're a big softie really."

"That secret stays between you, me and the bathtub."

"What secret? What were you doing in the bathtub?"

Lily and James spun around, crashing into each other and falling over in the process.

"Myrtle! How many times have I told you not to spy on me in the bathroom!"

"She spies on people in the bathroom?"

Myrtle nodded. "I wasn't spying now though, or I'd know what you were doing in the bathtub."

"We weren't doing _anything_ in the bathtub," James said rather too quickly, and Myrtle raised an over-bushy eyebrow. "Fuck off, spotty." Myrtle's eyes filled with tears and Lily looked at James, aghast, as the ghost zoomed away.

"James! You fucking –"

"Lily, relax. It's the only way to make her leave." He clambered to his feet then pulled Lily up.

"Really?"

"Yes. Would I lie to you?"

"Yes."

"I wouldn't!" he walked over to his pile of clothes and picked them up, walking away in the direction of the shower cubicles.

"I'm sorry!" Lily shouted as he disappeared. She, too, picked up her clothes, but she hobbled rather than walking over to the empty cubicle. Deciding to wait until she got back to her dormitory to sort her hair out, she put her clothes on and tucked her hair into her collar so it wouldn't drip everywhere. She walked out to find James waiting for her.

"Figured you might need help walking," he said, and she smiled gratefully.

"Thanks."

He put his arm round her waist and they made their way out into the corridor, moving pretty slowly. Suddenly, they heard a derisive laugh from right behind them.

"Well, if the mudblood whore hasn't found a new one already! Lunchtime romp in the showers, hm? It's enough to put anyone off their food."

"Bellatrix," James nodded.

"How did you get there?" Lily asked incredulously, looking at Bellatrix, who had appeared in the doorway to the prefects' bathroom.

"The prefects' and Heads' bathrooms are linked, idiot. Hasn't one of your precious books told you that?"

"Leave her alone, Bellatrix. I don't see why you'd be bothered even if there _was_ something going on between us." These words stung Lily slightly, although she knew they were true. "You hate Sirius."

"True," Bellatrix smiled nastily, "but I hate the mudblood bitch more."

"Come on," James whispered to Lily, and they turned their backs, leaving Bellatrix behind. As they left the corridor, Lily turned back and saw that Bellatrix was leaning against the wall exactly where they had left her, not blinking, watching them intently.

* * *

I had to try SO hard not to write some incredibly smutty shower scene, haha. Seriously, my fingers seem to run away with me and write something totally different to what should be happening. This milk fight actually happened to me a few months ago, and let me tell you - I STANK!

I've been on work experience 9-5 this week, so I'm absolutely shattered. Ever since the review count hit 51 yesterday, I've been slaving away getting this up for you, so I hope it's alright!

**Weird Not Boring** Well, you could have reviewed so I didn't know it was you...or just reviewed a chapter you hadn't reviewed yet :) Oh, and I love cliffhangers...that and I haven't really decided what is gonna happen with some people yet anyway. You think I'd let them kiss this early in the story? Well,I might...depends what happens really. I nearly wrote it in this chapter, but that would've been wrong. You don't kiss while wearing towels. Well, you don't _just_ kiss while wearing towels...thanks a lot!

**Freja** Thanks! I can see where you're coming from, but I don't write just for reviews. I love writing, but you've gotta understand how frustrating it is not to get any feedback. Sorry this took so long, but I've been really busy.

**Angel2510** I'm really sorry you've had to wait so long! i've tried to make this a good 'un, but I was so tired I really don't know what I came out with. I've been drawing dinosaurs, fairies and jewellery all week, so my mind is a little...confuzzled. :D

**MrsDanRadcliffe** Wow, thank you so so so so much! You mad emy day, my week, my month...maybe not my year, cos Christmas is still to come...thank you! You've got a very good point about James and Sirius - I'll try to do something about that. I'm editing my previous chapters at the moment, so I might add a few extra little snippets. Also, arrogant-prick-ness will develop. I'm figuring it would be much more fun to watch it develop than just take it for granted. Again, thank you so much! I updated as soon as I could :)

**vivphy05** Thank you!

**Jessie** Thanks a lot, you got the update sooner than most people!

**Megan** Thanks, hun!

**Jackie** Fluff and shit...can be arranged. Thanks.

**Samantha** Thanks, adorable was definitely what I was aiming for...strangely frustrating though.

**Kara** Haha, that made me laugh. 'Sex is good.' Sounds like something I'd say...Thanks a lot babe!

**Amanda** Sorry if it's confusing, I find it hard to tell how it comes across to people. Are there any parts that really need work? Thanks:D

**YOU GUYS ROCK!**

Anyway, I'd really like 10 reviews again, so when the count gets up to 62 I'll definitely post, but I may (if I have lots of time and energy) post before then if you're lucky. Fingers crossed!

Becca x


	17. Jitters

_'James,_

_I am _so_ bored. I've been trying to do this Potions essay and failed completely – I've managed to convince myself that owling you will help me. Or something._

_How's Sirius? Is he still mad at me? I know he thinks I'm lying about Matt, but I'm not, I swear. You know that, right? I'm just so sick of everyone thinking I'm a liar!_

_Lil'_

_'Lily,_

_You actually think that _I_ could help _you_ with homework? Lady, are you losing your mind? Sirius is still pissed off with you, I'm afraid to say, but what do you expect? Don't worry too much, though – I don't think many people have taken his side over this; you know I haven't. I could never think you're a liar, I know you too well._

_Prongs'_

_'James,_

_Oops, sorry that took a while – I was in the kitchen. Thanks for the vote of confidence – it means a lot. I just wish Sirius would wake up though! Does he want to blame me or something?_

_Lily_

_PS Why 'Prongs' anyway? You never did tell me…'_

_'Lils,_

_That's for me to know and you to find out if you ever get me drunk enough. Why were you in the kitchens, may I ask? We only had dinner a couple of hours ago and I swear you had more than one helping of mashed potato…_

_I really don't know about Sirius. I think it makes him feel better to blame things on you, otherwise he'll realise it was as much his fault as yours and become even guiltier about everything. That wouldn't make for a happy Sirius, and I don't like having a miserable best mate._

_James'_

_'Fine, _Prongs_, I'll just get you insanely drunk next Hogsmeade weekend and get it out of you._

_What are you now? My bloody dietician? For your information I was talking to the House Elves and picking Chrissy up some cookies._

_I see your point about Sirius, but he seems pretty miserable even though I'm being blamed for the big breakup. And, in case no one's noticed, it's not making me a happy bunny either._

_Lily'_

_'Lilykins,_

_My dreams of becoming a dietician are none of your beeswax and not to be ridiculed. Why would you want to talk to House Elves? And where the hell does that girl put it all?_

_James (with two miserable best friends)_

_PS What's wrong with this weekend?'_

_'Jamesypops,_

_For your information, House Elves are highly intelligent, fascinating creatures and, more to the point, a mine of information. I was asking them about bitch-features and whether they'd seen her up to anything. They wouldn't tell me much, though; they seem to love her._

_As for Chrissy? Merlin knows. She eats at least six meals a day, plus snacks at least every half hour. My mum reckons she wears it all off bouncing around and being in-your-face – Chrissy drives her up the wall!_

_Lily_

_PS I have a date'_

_'Lillian, my darling,_

_I just knew there had to be something you got out of it. Not that I'm calling you selfish or Slytherin-like, but House Elves are strange company to keep, even if you do hang round with Chrissy. Nice thought, though; wonder why they won't tell you anything. There must be something to tell, or they wouldn't be being secretive._

_James_

_PS Ooh, who with?'_

_'Potter,_

_I am _not_ selfish _or_ Slytherinish! I _do_ like House Elves, and _don't _insult my best mate. And for your information, it's not _Lillian_, it's just _Lily

_Lily_

_PS That's none of your beeswax. Ha.'_

_'Just Lily,_

_Back to surnames, are we? Ever heard of a little thing called _sarcasm_? I was_ joking_! You are quite Slytherinish though._

_James_

_PS What makes you think I'm bothered?'_

_'James,_

_I am _not_! You're the one who likes humiliating people! Whether you were joking or not, you shouldn't. You use people for humour's sake all the time without even thinking or how they might take it. Not everyone's as thick-skinned as you lot, you know._

_Lily (annoyed)_

_PS The fact that you asked in the first place, dumbschnitzel.'_

_'Lily, (annoyed)_

_I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to offend you. But I don't know what you're on about – I never upset anyone! And we're not thick-skinned; we just know how to take a joke._

_James (sorry)'_

_PS Whatever, I'll find out somehow._

_'James, (forgiven)_

_You never upset anyone? Are you blind, deaf and dumb?_

_Lily_

_PS You do that.'_

_'Lily,_

_What do you mean?_

_James'_

_'James, (BDAD)_

_Severus? All you do is make that poor guy's life hell! What did he ever do to you?_

_Lily'_

_'Lily,_

_He's evil! Have you ever seen him not throwing it right back at us? Anyway, if he washed his hair I might lay off him a bit._

_James (What does BDAD mean?)'_

_'James, (Blind, Deaf And Dumb)_

_You've just proved my point – he throws it _back_ at you, meaning _you_ started it. I've never seen him start a fight with you lot._

_Lily'_

_'Lily,_

_Fine, be all high and mighty. I'm going to bed; you can put away your lectern and go pester someone else._

_James'_

_'Fine',_ Lily thought. _'He can be stupid and immature as much as he wants, it's not my problem.'_ She yawned and looked up as Chrissy came in. As soon as she saw Lily, she yawned too.

"Bloody contagious yawning."

"Yeah, tell me about it. I'm shattered!"

"Better get your beauty sleep, babe – it's your big date tomorrow!"

"Yeah."

"You don't sound too excited. What's up?"

"Oh, it's just James being a prick."

"What's he done now?"

Lily chucked the pile of notes at Chrissy, who scanned them, sighing. "Lily, isn't it obvious?"

"No," she snapped angrily.

"Oh, come on – even I can figure it out and I'm thick!"

"Whatever."

"Stop being stupid, Lil. It's just a lovers' tiff."

"Oh, shut up with your stupid 'He likes you and wants your babies' crap."

"Chill out, Lil. Do you want to know what's upset him or not?"

"Yes," Lily said quietly, and Christina smirked.

"He's jealous."

"Jealous? Of what?"

"Don't be an ass. He found out about your date with Matt."

"So? He knows I like Matt."

"Yeah, but then you basically said you'd rather spend time with Matt than him, and –"

"I did not!"

"Shut up. You then started criticising him, and you even favoured Snape over him. In James' book, that's _bad_."

"You have _got_ to be kidding me."

"Nope. Think about it."

"Ugh, he is such a _dick_!"

"How do you figure that one out?"

"Look, if he likes me, why wouldn't he just come out and say it?"

"Lily, he's a guy. Since when have guys worked like that?"

"Good point. But still…" Lily trailed off with a heavy sigh. Why couldn't it just be simple?

"Look, Lily, think how you'd feel if he went on a date with, say, Jess, and then started talking about how you should stop being harsh on Bellatrix Lestrange."

"That so wouldn't happen," said Lily, laughing.

"Yeah, but imagine how you'd feel if it did."

Lily thought for a moment. "You are so right."

"I know. Night night!" and with that, she waltzed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

"Mental!" Lily muttered to herself. She glanced over at Jess and Carrie's beds, with their curtains already drawn, and blew out her candle.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

Lily was a bag of nerves the next morning, with the prospect of her date with Matt in Hogsmeade ahead of her. She supposed she should be really excited, what with him being gorgeous, funny, two years older and _incredibly_ sexy, but somehow that made the whole thing worse. Lily just felt inferior, like she was a silly little schoolgirl and he was her older brother's best friend or something. What if he'd just asked her out to be nice?

Anyway, Chrissy had helped her sort an outfit out. She had gone (reluctantly) for skinny jeans with a baggy grey jumper gathered with a black cloth belt round her waist. It was a slightly eclectic getup, especially with her coloured beads, headband and rainbow pumps, but both she and Chrissy had agreed that at least she'd be remembered this way. Chris had also agreed, for moral support, to wear her mental Biba skirt while she waited for Matt with Lily, so that they would both be insanely brightly coloured and "insanely stylish," as Chrissy put it.

So the two of them were sitting in the Three Broomsticks, sipping their traditional hot chocolate with a tot of Butterbeer and muchos chocolate sprinkles.

"Oh shit oh shit oh shit!"

"Calm _down_, Lily!" Chrissy grabbed Lily's hand, which had been absent-mindedly shredding a serviette, and slammed it down on the table. "You'll be fine!"

"No I won't. What if he doesn't like me? What if he thinks I'm a silly little kid?"

"Lily, you complete dumbschnitzel, he asked you out. On a date. Of his own free will. Therefore, he likes you. He thinks you're fit. He thinks you're incredibly stylish, gorgeous and probably kinky, if your vampire outfit has anything to do with it."

"Yeah, but you would say that!"

"Oh, shut _up_! If you don't chill out and start emergency lipgloss application, I'm gonna leave you here all on your own so you look like a tragic loner when he comes to get you."

"No, don't do that!" Lily said, panicking. "Don't leave me!"

Christina burst out laughing. "Lily, you really need to loosen up. I won't leave you, but you need to calm down. After all, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Umm, he could think I'm really weird, or I could say something really stupid, or we could have a horrible teeth-clashing moment…"

"Well, either of the first two can be resolved by the fact that he's in Ravenclaw, you hardly ever see him, and this is his last year at Hogwarts anyway."

"True."

"And the third one? Well, if your teeth clash, you must have been kissing in the first place, which has got to be a good thing."

"I suppose so."

"Right, you're sorted. Don't worry, just go with it."

"Right."

"And if all else fails, you can get James horribly drunk and marry him instead."

"Okay."

"See? It's fine. Don't look now, here he comes."

Lily used all her willpower not to look behind her, and to carry on talking with Chrissy as if her heart wasn't pounding and her stomach hadn't just disappeared off the face of the planet. Matt appeared to Lily's right, and Lily looked up at him, trying to smile like a normal person.

"Hi, girlies."

"Hey, Matt," Chrissy said, and looked pointedly at Lily.

"Hiya," Lily smiled, feeling slightly better. At least this proved that she could still talk.

"I'll scoot, I think. I've got to meet – er – Jess."

"I'd stay here for a bit if I were you, she's having an argument with that guy she's always getting off with. What's his name again?"

"Jake," Chrissy sighed. "Does the girl have no pride?"

"Apparently not," Matt grinned. Wow, smile. Lip ring. Smile, wow. Sexy. Wow.

"Yeah, stick around for a bit, Chris. I wouldn't wish that on you."

"You sure?" Christina looked from Lily to Matt, and both nodded. "Alright then. Sit down, Matt. Don't stand there like a pillock."

Lily gaped. "Chris!"

"He doesn't mind, do you?" she smiled sweetly.

"Nah," Matt said, but rolled his eyes at Lily when Chrissy wasn't looking.

Chris got up and said, "I need food. Anyone want some?" Lily and Matt both nodded mutely, trying not to laugh. When Chris had disappeared towards the bar, patting Matt on the head along the way, he leant back and sighed.

"Sorry about her," Lily smiled.

"Don't worry about it!" Matt grinned, and Lily melted. "She's good entertainment, anyway."

"True. So how are you?"

"I'm great thanks. You?"

"Shattered actually, but when am I not?"

Chrissy came back a few minutes later, and then Jess came storming in. At this point, Lily and Matt decided to take their leave. They wandered around the shops for a few hours, chatting amiably and generally having a laugh. However, Lily was getting very frustrated by the fact that they hadn't even held hands. When it started to get dark, the two of them walked back to the castle and said their goodbyes. Matt gave Lily a huge bear hug, and she kissed him on the cheek.

Matt seemed surprised by this, as he said "Aww," but Lily didn't answer. She just smiled and walked away.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

Lily and Chrissy sat together in Transfiguration on Monday morning, whispering between Professor McGonagall's explanation of Vanishing Spells.

"Vanishing Spells are among the most complex pieces of magic you will be expected to perform at OWL. They are not nearly as complicated as Conjuring Spells, which will only come up in Advanced Transfiguration at NEWT."

"What exactly happened on your date then?"

"Ugh. Nothing."

"Vanishing Spells become more complex with the increased complexity of the object you are vanishing."

"Really?"

"Yup. We didn't even hold hands."

"What? But I thought you were all over each other at Halloween!"

"We were! I didn't kiss him, though. Maybe he thought I was rejecting him or something."

"I doubt it."

"For example, Vanishing a piece of parchment or another inanimate object would be much simpler than Vanishing a living creature."

"Well either way, it's bloody annoying. I tried everything! I moaned that I was cold, I tripped over…"

"And he didn't pick you up?"

"Well yeah, he did, but then he let go again! I even kissed him on the cheek and he didn't take the hint."

"That is why we will be learning how to Vanish parchment today, and proceeding to mice next lesson. For those who manage to Vanish their parchment, there are old exercise books for you to practice on."

"That's _bad_. What's wrong with him? Did you do something really stupid?"

"I don't think so. I was wearing jeans, so I can't have had my skirt tucked into my knickers…"

"Miss Evans, please repeat what I just told you."

Lily panicked. "Um – there are books for people that manage to Vanish their parchment?"

Professor McGonagall nodded, and Lily breathed a sigh of relief. "Miss Marsden. What did I say prior to that?"

"Um – er – Vanishing is easier with live creatures?"

"Detention, Miss Marsden. Kindly listen in my lessons, then you may realise that all spells are more challenging with living things."

Christina flopped onto the desk and glared at Lily. "_Why_ do you _always_ get away with _everything_?"

Lily smiled sweetly. "I'm just wonderful."

"That's as may be, Miss Evans, but I'm sure the rest of the class don't nee reminding. Move next to Mr Black, please."

Sirius' face contorted. "No, Professor! I won't sit with her."

Professor McGonagall sighed exasperatedly. "Fine. Swap places with her. You can sit with Miss Marsden and Miss Evans can work with Mr Lupin."

Lily was stung. Sirius wouldn't even look at her, or apologise as he slammed into her on his way to the back of the room. She felt tears welling up, but balled her fists and plonked herself down next to Remus, knowing that he would make everything seem better.

* * *

Wow, 10 reviews took a lot less time than I expected...however, I got this up the day I got my 10th! I'm quite proud of that.

**HPBeatles** Thanks. You keep being busy or away, so I don't talk to you. I've been really busy lately too, so that might explain it.

**Angel2510** Alright, I took note of the hint, so here it is! How are you anyway? I'm so tired - I worte this whole thing today, and I'm pooped out.

**Black For President** I really kicked myself when people started pointing the Remus thing out - I've gone back and changed it now. I think I did it because I'd written the first little bit about a week beforeI continued, and I'd forgotten what I'd written. Me being a bit of an idiot, I forgot to check. Duh. Thanks!

**Amanda** I know! Awkward situations are so fun to write, too. I've been in enough of them myself. I'm glad you're enjoying it. :)

**Anonymous** Ugh, I was so annoyed with myself about that. Anyway, thanks a lot for letting me know, and I'm glad you like it!

**Weird Not Boring** I love food fights! Milk absolutely reeks though. I like Bellatrix's character, but I agree that she sucks. I just love writing evil people hehe.

**TraptyetfreE** Thanks. This fic isn't intended to be AU, and as far as I know it fits in with JK's depictions of Lily and James. If I'm wrong here, please correct me, but Lily and James hated each other at the end of fifth year, and didn't get together till seventh year. Harry was never told why they hated each other apart from that Lily hated James' cockiness. So I figured that maybe there was another reason they hated each other, and that at one point they might have been friends. When you're 15 your character is still developing, and at the moment this fic is still about the start of fifth year, so some stuff may happen to change things. I can't really tell you the rest of the way I see it, as that would ruin the plot, but I hope that makes sense to you. :)

**Megan** Thank you! I've really got back into this since you reviewed actually, so a double thanks is due!

**brooke michelle** Thanks so much! I read your bio, and I couldn't help noticing the part about the lip rings...I love them too, as you can probably tell by this story haha. Anyways, you got a quick update, so I hope you enjoy!

Thanks a million, everyone. You're really boosting my ego at the moment. (I'm not sure if that's a good thing, but it seems to make me write faster, which can't be all bad) I'm gonna have trouble updating every 10 reviews if this is anything to judge by, so my new promise is: I'll update **every 15 reviews**, or if I'm feeling particularly creative maybe before that. Either way, you know how to make it happen, or to make suggestions, or anything you wanna say really.

I was also wondering: what did you guys originally think about Lily and James? Did they have any history, or had they always just got on each other's nerves? Let me know if you review - I'd be interested to know.

Becca x


	18. Subterfuge

**Subterfuge **

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After that incident, Lily started noticing Bellatrix more frequently. She would be walking in front of Lily as she moved between classes, or strolling down the same paths in the castle grounds. Bellatrix never seemed to notice Lily, but as soon a Lily turned her back, she would get a feeling that someone was trying to bore holes in her back with their eyes. Given that this was Bellatrix, Lily thought, that wasn't as unlikely as it sounded. The girl seemed to think she was Medusa or something. Or possibly a Basilisk.

There were no more incidents involving James in the showers, but Lily hadn't been expecting any. She saw a lot of him, as always, and made the most of any opportunity, as always, to flirt with him. Chrissy, Jess and Carrie remained convinced that James was secretly crazy about her, but Lily was trying not to get her hopes up too high. She knew she would have to tell him how she felt about him eventually, but as far as she was concerned it wasn't necessary until at least ten years of unrequited love had gone by. She was, however, considering trying to have a serious conversation with James about their relationship; she was sure there was something more than friendship in it, but not sure that it would ever come to anything.

Lily wasn't quite sure that she trusted any of her friends' opinions on this matter, but she couldn't really go to anyone else. Sirius would have been the obvious choice, being James' best friend, but Lily hadn't even spoken to him since Halloween, or he to her. A few weeks ago, she might have considered confiding in Petra, but since she and James had discovered Petra and her Death Eater lover in the Forbidden Forest, that option was out of the window. Lily supposed that Remus was now the best person to consult, but Lily wasn't sure that was the best of ideas. Though he hadn't said it, Lily knew that Remus was angry about the way she had ended her relationship with Sirius and, since then, he and Lily had been drifting apart a little. Remus probably wouldn't like the idea of Lily and James as a couple because it would upset Sirius so much, so he wasn't likely to give Lily's feelings for James any encouragement.

Lily realised vaguely that Chrissy had turned around from her desk in the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom to look at her, and that the class was strangely quiet. "Eh –" Lily shook her head to clear her vision. "Wha?"

James sniggered, and Lily glared at him. Chrissy was grinning too, and she jerked her head towards the front of the classroom, where Lily saw Professor Van Spyk with a raised eyebrow and a smirk on her annoyingly beautiful Slytherin face.

"Sorry, Professor. What did you say?" Lily asked, trying to look interested. Normally she really enjoyed Petra's lessons, but ever since she had found out that Petra was Dark, the subject suddenly didn't seem as alluring.

"I asked you, Lily," Petra said, her voice clearly amused, "what your opinion was on the Unforgivable Curses."

"I didn't know non-Death Eaters were allowed to have opinions," Lily muttered to James, who snorted. "Well, Professor," she said more loudly, thinking fast and trying to make it look like she had been paying attention, "they're Unforgivable. Surely their name says it all?"

"Nice comeback, Miss Evans. If you had been listening, you would have realised that we had been debating the use of these curses as Defensive spells when confronted by a Dark attacker. As I'm sure you are aware, as are the rest of the class who deign to pay attention, the Ministry of Magic has been debating for a long time whether to allow its Aurors to use the Unforgivables when targeting Dark threats. What say you, Lily?"

"I –" Lily thought for a second, "- I think that if these curses are bad enough to be named Unforgivable, then there's no way anyone should be allowed to use them, even against Dark wizards or witches. That's just stooping to their level. Anyway, if you start doing that, people will start using them and give the excuse that they thought they were fighting a Death Eater."

"Do you think so?" her Professor asked, eyebrow still raised.

"I agree," James butted in.

"Go on," Petra looked at him, clearly intrigued.

"I know a lot of Aurors, and they have enough trouble with people pretending they're under the Imperius Curse and things already. If you allow people to use the Unforgivables, people can even start saying that an Auror put them under the Imperius or something, and it will actually be believable."

Petra ignored his (very good, in Lily's opinion) explanation. "You know a lot of Aurors? How might that be?"

"What's it to you?" James said, defensively. Lily could tell that he was worried about this reaction. She wouldn't be surprised if he was regretting mentioning any contacts he had. After all, he now knew she wasn't to be trusted.

"Excuse me?"

"Look, I'm not exactly gonna tell you any Aurors I might have contact with. After all, for all we know you could be sneaking off between lessons to have secret meetings with Death Eaters in the Forbidden Forest." Lily gasped quietly. James had just deliberately told Petra that he knew about her secret. They had agreed not to say anything – the possible danger was too much to risk. "Anyone could be Dark; we've always been taught never to trust strangers." Very clever of him; she would get his point, but no one else would suspect a thing. Why had he mentioned it, though?

"I'm regarded as a stranger, then?" Petra's gaze didn't falter as she looked at James. Although her words didn't say it, Lily knew she meant, "So, you saw me, did you?"

"Yes," James said equally calmly. "I'm not completely stupid."

"And why don't you trust me?"

"Why should I?"

"Professor Dumbledore trusts me," she smirked. She was rubbing their faces in it now. She was telling them without words that if they so much as tried to snitch on her, she'd play Dumbledore's trust for all it was worth and probably get James expelled with it.

"Well, Professor Dumbledore trusts many questionable people," James replied. This time Lily knew he had crossed the line. Petra's eyes didn't flicker, but she folded her arms.

"Detention, Mr Potter."

"For what?"

"Five points from Gryffindor. For questioning a teacher to whom you should be showing respect."

"I was only being honest! Anyway, I thought you wanted 'respect as peers' and all that."

"Another five."

"Oh, come on!" Lily snapped, quite unaware of any previous intention to do so.

"Miss Evans?"

"Er…I…well, that's just stupid. He made a fair point and you're sticking him in detention for it?"

"What in your eyes may be a fair point, Miss Evans, is an insult in mine."

"It's true, though! How do you know he meant anything against you? Dumbledore _does_ trust a lot of people no one else would."

"For that, you can join Potter in detention."

"What!" This was Chrissy, Jess and James.

"She's only sticking up for him, Professor!" Chrissy said, reasonably.

"Keep out of this, Miss Marsden, or I will have to deduct more House Points."

Chrissy sat back sulkily, and Lily could see both her and Jess giving Professor Van Spyk exceedingly evil glares. If looks could kill... When Petra had turned back to the board, James whispered, "Isn't that your first detention since…er…ever?"

Lily thought for a moment. "Actually, yeah. Well, I had one with Slughorn a few years ago before he went gallivanting, but then he decided I should be in the Slug Club and ignored the fact that I didn't turn up to it."

"Nice one," James grinned. "Well, at least I'm not a loner this time."

Lily smiled back. "Don't you normally have Sirius to keep you company?"

"Well yeah, sometimes, but most teachers have learnt to give us separate detentions so we don't cause more trouble," James sighed. "Killjoys."

"Haha, punishments are finally getting through then?"

James looked shock. "Detentions? Punishment? Oh, no…they're vital planning time!"

"Planning? Surely you need Sirius' approval to plan."

"Aha," James smirked evilly, "we have our methods."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Like what?"

"Now that'd be telling."

"You know you wanna tell me…" Lily batted her eyes and pouted.

James laughed. "Nope. Marauder's code. Secrets stay within the four."

"Aw, c'mon. You tell me loads anyway!"

"Most of it you help plan, though. This is a secret weapon – I can't possibly divulge vital information like that."

"Mr Potter, Miss Evans, I believe I asked for silence. One more word and I'll have twenty points. I mean it!"

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

"Please tell me!"

"Tell you what?"

"What you were talking about earlier. Your 'secret weapon', or whatever it is."

"You know I can't, Lil."

"Aw, c'mon, who'd know?"

"You would."

"So? It's not like I'm gonna tell anyone."

"You might."

"Won't."

"You'd tell Chrissy."

"Wouldn't."

"Would."

"Wouldn't."

"Would."

"Wouldn't."

"Give it up, Lily, I'm not telling you and that's all there is to it."

Thoroughly annoyed, Lily kicked at a pebble. It splashed into the murky water and sank without a trace.

"Lily, don't be mad. I can't tell you."

"You wouldn't even if you could."

"I would, you know I would."

"Wouldn't."

"Would."

"Wouldn't."

"Would."

"Wouldn't."

"Argh, Lil! Chrissy will be back in a minute."

"No she won't. You know how long it takes her to find _anything_ she's left lying around, let alone a book – anyone could have picked it up and stowed it somewhere. She probably won't think of using a Summoning Charm either, knowing Chris."

James laughed. "That's true." Then he shivered. "It's bloody cold out here! Remind me why we're siting here?"

"Because Remus is busy, Sirius is pissing you off, and you just love spending time with me."

"And Chrissy."

"And Chrissy," Lily pulled a face. "I'll lend you some body heat if you tell me…" Haha, excellent plan – information _and_ a hug.

"Tempting offer…"

"Go on…" Lily pouted again.

"Oh, fine," James laughed quietly. "C'mere."

Lily shuffled over and unzipped her (very cosy) duffle coat. James, who had been too much of an idiot (read: male) to bring one, hugged her round her waist, his hands inside her coat. She squirmed, trying to get comfortable. Trying to hug and sit at the same time on a cold rock wasn't easy. She end up leaning across James with her head resting on his chest, his arm round her waist and the other in her pocket.

"Don't tell me you haven't even got your own pockets!"

"Well yeah, I have," James grinned sheepishly, "but I like yours better."

Lily rolled her eyes, but grinned. "Ah well, at least I get my own personal pillow."

"As usual." Lily grinned. "You're like a bloody hot water bottle, you are."

"Yup," Lily smiled. "Not complaining, are you?"

"Nope. Like I said, it's bloody cold."

"Yeah, sure. Great excuse. 'Hmm, it's cold. Can I snuggle up to you?'"

"You wish."

"You know it's true."

"Moo."

"That's my word."

"So?"

"Don't be a prick. So, what's this secret?"

"Do I have to tell you?"

"I'll remove my hands…"

"Alright, alright. No need to take drastic action."

"Go on then."

"Well, it's nothing big really. Me and Sirius have these two-way mirrors so we can talk to each other wherever we are."

"Oh. That's all?"

"Yup."

"Pretty cool though. Why didn't you just tell me in the first place if it's not a big deal?"

"I like winding you up." Lily grabbed James' hands and pulled them out of her coat. "Argh, Lily!"

"Was there something?"

"I'm…bloody…cold!" He grabbed her and tried to get his arms around her again, but she pushed him over, so he ended up lying on the ground.

"Ha!"

"Not so fast, bitch."

James pulled her arm so she fell down with a thump. "Ow!"

"Serves you right."

"Not fair!"

"Is so."

"Is not!"

"Is so."

"Is not!"

"Is so."

"Is not!"

"I'll say sorry if you let me use you as a hot water bottle again."

"Only if you'll be pillow-man."

"Deal." James hoisted her by her shoulders so she lay with her head on his chest and grabbed her round the waist again.

"Y'know, if you did more Quidditch practice, you might not make as good a pillow."

"Are you saying I'm fat?"

"Not exactly."

"Ooh, so it's like that, is it? Have you ever noticed how squishy hot water bottles are?"

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

I am **so** sorry it's taken so long for me to update - I've had so much to do, so much coursework etc...I won't go through the whole list, but trust me when I say that I'm sorry. The chapter's not great either, but it's given me a springboard for the next one.

**HPBeatles** Busyness isn't great. Unless you're doing something you wanna do, of course.

**Weird Not Boring** Thanks - I was bored, so decided to change things a bit.

**Angel2510** Don't ask me why, but I've always just been a fast typer. About work experience - I went to a design place and loved every second of it. Whatever you do, don't go for a shop job - they're supposed to be the most boring. Thanks babe!

**Kristin** Thanks - snazzy is such a great word, I should use it more often.

**Megan** I don't think they're getting shorter... :S I'm just gonna say it must be you haha. Thank you so much, and I'm sorry for taking so long.

**Katarina** I update as fast as I can, but it's hard when I've got so much else to do. I don't wanna rush this either - there's no point packing everything into about five chapters. It's not half as fun to read when people do that.

**vivphy05** The aim with the names was hilariosity - I'm glad it worked! Thanks a lot, and I hope you enjoy this one.

**Black For President** Thank you! here it is.

**Mahazzy** If I told you when they get together, that'd ruin it, don't you think? Anyway, JK said they don't get together till 7th year, so...

**Hannah M.** Well, Lily slept with Sirius when she and Sirius were dating. As she and James **aren't** dating (and I don't see Lily as someone who'd have sex unless she was at least going out with someone) they haven't had sex.

**jessie** I'm sorry I took so long:'( Thanks for sticking with it.

**Kemi** Thanks a lot, hun.

**-Scp-** I was really pissed off when we found out about it only starting in 7th year, but then I thought: what if that's all everyone else knows? ;)

**anonymously morgan** Thanks so much, I try my best :)

**Kara** Alright, alright looks sheepishI finally updated...

**Alyssa P.** As I've said before, I write this as I go, so I update when I finish a chapter. Therefore, updating two at a time would take twice as long. Savvy?

**.Wannabe.Band.Geek.** Hahahahaha, doll-face? Nice one! And spectacular? Why, I can feel my head swelling...Thanks so much, babe. You're lucky you get an update this soon haha.

Thanks to everyone who's still reading and again, I'm really sorry. I still have loads to do though, so I probably won't be able to update until the 20 review mark (though I'll update as soon as I can, even if it doesn't get to that). I guess that's **99 reviews** I'm hoping for in total. Don't let me down, guys!

Becca xxx


	19. Schemes

**Schemes**

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"Argh! I couldn't find that stupid textbook _anywhere_. Do you guys know where it is?"

"Hm?" Lily looked up. "Sorry Chrissy, no idea."

"Don't tell me you've been looking for half an hour and still haven't found it?"

"Yes, James," Chrissy said irritably, "that is what I'm telling you."

Lily tried not to laugh. "Chris, you are so _blonde_!"

"Thanks Lil, great words of comfort there."

"Sorry. Well, have you looked everywhere?"

"No, I gave up because I haven't looked everywhere I can possibly think of, asked Carrie, tracked down Jess and prised her away from her vampire face-sucking boyfriend. What do you think?"

"Hahahahaha – I mean, erm, have you tried asking Remus?" James looked perfectly innocent, but Lily knew by the way his hand was twitching on his lap that he was trying to wind Chrissy up. She shot him a disapproving look, but smiled.

"Precisely _what_ are you trying to imply, James Potter?"

"Nothing," James replied equally innocently, "just that I know Remus was doing his Potions essay earlier, and if your textbook was sitting in the common room, he probably would have used that instead of getting up off his ass to find his own."

"Oh." Christina looked a combination of disbelieving and frustrated as she mentally tried to find flaws in this explanation. However, she had obviously failed, as she soon spoke again. "Fine. I'll go ask him then."

"Really?" Lily looked surprised. Chrissy usually avoided Remus these days, as she was convinced he hated her, or that was what she told everyone anyway. Lily wasn't a hundred percent sure that Chrissy believed this herself, but she was definitely intent on avoiding Remus.

"Well, if you come with me."

"Chris, you don't need escorting to look for your textbook!"

"I've had enough of looking like an ass on my own for one day, thank you very much."

"You'd have thought she'd have got bored of it permanently, but apparently not," James whispered to Lily, just loudly enough for Christina to hear.

"Right you, you're coming too."

James grinned. "What did you think I was going to do? Sit here like a loner all afternoon?"

"You don't like being a loner? There I was thinking you did it by choice."

"Well, unlike you, at least I _have_ a choice."

"Your mum has a choice."

"Don't even get me started on 'your mum' jokes. You know I'm the maestro."

"He's right, Chris. I wouldn't try it. What was that anyway? 'Your mum has a choice.'"

"Shut up."

James and Lily both started laughing at Chris's annoyed expression. Pretty soon she joined in, and they chortled hysterically all the way up to the castle.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

"You are quite sure he has given up?"

"Yes. I have given him no reason to believe or hope that I will make contact again."

"Good. I brought you here for your own safety, as well as to fill an empty space."

"I know that, and I am grateful. If it weren't for this, I may have been very unlucky."

"Indeed that is true. But enough of this. How are you finding life here?"

"Well, it is still very familiar and dear to me, as you know. Somehow this place feels more like home than most."

"It is strange how many people I have heard say that."

"There is just an aura here; one of safety and security."

"Of course, that was the intention of those who created the wards and enchantment surrounding us."

"Hmm."

"Have you encountered any particular problems since we last spoke?"

"Not at all. There are a few who prove challenging, but they are what makes it interesting here."

"I am glad to hear it. One should always be challenged; pushed to one's extremes."

"That is an interesting view, I am sure. Anyhow, I have much to do, and I'm sure you have also. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, I hope to see you in the morning."

"You will."

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Lily sat with James in the common room, staring at the fire. Once again, it was just the three of them: Chrissy was sitting in a corner doing her Potions homework, having finally found her textbook. Remus had used it after all, and Chrissy had even managed a ten-minute conversation with him without making a fool out of herself.

"So," he whispered, "I feel like figuring out who Über-Bitch Number One was shagging in the forest."

"Why?" Lily replied, checking that Christina was still thoroughly absorbed in her homework. "So you can ask him for the videotape?"

"No, you ass. Don't you think it might be important?"

"Well yeah, course I do. But then again, it might not. I really can't work out whether she's the type to get involved with plots and schemes or not."

"I know what you mean, but you can guarantee that if she _is_ involved, she'll be right in the thick of it."

"Very, very true."

"Well in that case, I'm with you. I want to know what she was up to –" she could see what James was thinking, "- _besides_ the obvious, but we have to be careful. Death Eater or not, she's dangerous."

"Nah, she's a Slytherin. All bark and no bite."

"Need I remind you that almost all, if not all of the Death Eaters are Slytherins?"

"Are you ever wrong."

"Yes, but never as wrong as you."

"That makes no sense."

"It does."

"Why?"

"Because I say so. Anyway, she now knows we saw her, and she got nasty about it." James snorted. "Look, I don't want to be on the wrong side of her, do you? No wait, stupid question. You don't give a damn because she's a teacher. Will you ever get the notion of being careful into your thick skull? Oh no, another stupid question."

"Lily –"

"Look James, you really piss me off sometimes. You just don't seem to listen to reason. You're so –"

"Lily, I'm _sorry_, okay?"

"No you're not, but whatever. Can't you see she's dangerous? We know she's in some kind of relationship with a Death Eater –"

"Oh, the euphemisms girls will use instead of saying sex…"

"Actually, I _meant_ relationship. If she's having sex with him, there's something else going on too. You don't do _anything_ with a Death Eater lightly."

"Unless you're a Slytherin."

"Will you stop being so _obsessed_ with Slytherins?"

"I'm not obsessed with them! They're evil little scumbags who –"

"Yes you bloody well are. Listen to yourself! Everything anyone does, it's either because they're a Slytherin, because a Slytherin put them up to it, or in some other way related to a Slytherin."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is."

"No…" James fell silent, looking at his feet.

"Look, I'm not trying to pick a fight here –"

"Well you're doing a bloody good job of it."

"James, _listen_. You've got to see past all that – Petra's a Slytherin, yeah, but she's got brains, you know that. You're just sore cos you thought she must be a Gryffindor and, more to the pint, you thought she was fit and then she made your best mate look like a dick which, I might add, he definitely is."

"Easy for you to say, fucking him and leaving him."

"You – you…" Lily broke off, her voice shaking, "…you have no idea."

"Lily –" But Lily didn't stop to listen. She pelted up to her dormitory and threw herself on her bed, slamming the door and yanking her curtains shut behind her.

A few minutes later, she heard Chrissy come in. "Lily? Lily, are you okay?" She didn't answer. "Lily, James wants to talk to you." Lily answered into her pillow. "Sorry Lil, didn't quite catch that."

"You can tell him to go fuck himself."

"You don't mean that."

"Yes I do."

"No you don't. And he didn't mean it either."

"Why would he say it if he didn't mean it?"

"Lily, you're being stupid."

"Am not."

"Yes you are. Listen to yourself. People say the wrong thing at the wrong time, it's a fact of life."

"So? I thought he understood. I thought he actually cared. You know what? He doesn't. Guys aren't worth it, they're all stupid, idiotic, immature, selfish, biased, sexist, hypocritical, twisted, devious, lying bastards."

"See? You don't believe that really, you're just pissed off. James was pissed off too – can't you understand that he's upset for Sirius?"

"Fine, Little Miss High-and-Mighty. Fine. But I still don't see how me hurting his best friend – and I still think I did him a favour dumping him sooner rather than later – gives him the right to say that to me!"

"It doesn't. But Lily, it is kinda true. Just think about it from a guy point of view. Technically you _did_ fuck him, and you _also_ left him."

"Right. You can tell him to go fuck himself. And you can go fuck yourself while you're at it. No, tell you what, why don't you go and fuck _him_? Then we'll all be happy."

"Lily, what –"

"Fuck you, Chris. Fuck all of you."

Lily heard Chris sigh in what she thought was a very patronising matter, and her fist twitched. Finally, after what seemed like hours, she heard her best friend leave, and she was free to cry and listen to the gentle breathing of her two oblivious dorm-mates behind their velvet curtains.

* * *

Yay, I wrote another one! I know it's short, but at least it's relatively quick. you all have to say thanks to **Daphna**, who basically prodded me, poked me, and kicked me up the ass in order to get this written.

**xxprongsysgalxx** No they're not together, which is the reason for all the frustration. The Sirius/Lily thing isn't going to be easy either, and it makes it more difficult for James (being Sirius' best mate) and Lily to get together.

**Megan** Remus gay? I know there are a lot of Remus/Sirius fanfics out there, and it is plausible, buta gay Remus just doesn't float my boat. thanks for reviewing!

**wandless** Thank you!

**F.B.** Thank you - I was hoping to get Lily right. She's still really clever and gets good grades and stuff, and she's probably got more of a conscience than the Marauders, but I figure James wouldn't have fallen for a complete goody-goody know-it-all.

**Weird Not Boring** Ta muchly! The fluffiness is so fun...you can probably tell I'm holding myself back though - can't go overboard.

**-Scp-** I was wondering if that would make anyone laugh - I don't even know where it came from. Probably from caffeine-and-sugar land. I'm not saying my theory is exactly what _will_ happen, but I'm seriously consideing it. I'm just too impatient heh.

**HPBeatles** You better be proud of me. look, I even put your name up there and everything... :)

**Kara** Oh, I wish...

**Black For President** Their conversations are a way of cheering me up as well as them - they really make me laugh. I think it's weird to laugh at your own jokes/story/conversations-in-a-fanfic, but I do it anyway haha. Thanks babe!

I'm not even gonna try and set an estimate for how long I'll be, as someone glares daggers will probably make me update when I should be revising for my stupid exams, but never mind eh? See y'all soon...

Becca xxx


	20. Resolution

**100 REVIEWS! YAY! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! LOTS OF HUGS AND KISSES COMING YOUR WAY!**

**

* * *

Resolution **

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

Lily trudged down the dormitory stairs, straightening her robes as she went. She could see her friends sitting round the fire in the Common Room – this November, the winter had really closed in around Hogwarts, and fires were burning all around the school in an effort to keep students and teachers warm. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, Remus, Peter and Sirius got up abruptly, and as she approached the others, Chrissy grabbed Jess and said, "Oh, Jess! Look at the – er – forest. It's really pretty!"

"What? Oh – er – right." She got up and she and Jess followed Christina hastily over to the window. Lily rolled her eyes and sat down on a sofa, not looking at James. However, she didn't have to, as he spoke first.

"Lily, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have –"

"It's not your fault. I overreacted."

"True, but I shouldn't have said it in the first place."

Lily boiled inwardly at the fact that he thought she overreacted, even though she knew she had. "Well no, you shouldn't, but if you meant it, I can't change that. It's better to know if you think I'm a slaggy bitch."

"I don't. I didn't mean it like that, it's just –"

"It doesn't matter. Let's just leave it. I'm mad at you, you're mad at me. Let's just leave it at that, shall we?"

"Don't be silly."

"I'm not. It's not like either of us can just take it all back though, is it? I can't change what happened with Sirius, and you can't change what you said. We've both just got to get over it."

"I suppose so."

"Right, that's settled then," Lily turned away and walked towards her friends, a falsely bright smile upon her face. Her eyes prickled for a moment, and she wondered why such a small conversation was able to cause so much anger and frustration. She supposed it was to do with all the things she always left unsaid with James.

"Lily!" Jess said brightly, completely failing to hide the fact that she, Carrie and Christina had been discussing only seconds ago what was going on between her and James.

"Hey Lil," Chris said, not bothering to pretend. In fact, she rolled her eyes behind Jess's back at her exceedingly bad acting.

"Hey guys," Lily replied, smiling a genuine smile. "Alright?"

"Yeah ta," Carrie grinned. "So, what did you say to him?"

"Oh, not much," Lily said lightly.

"You have _got_ to be kidding," Chrissy scoffed. "We all know you're bloody fuming at him!"

"Maybe I was, but we're all good now."

"Oh come on, Lily," Carrie raised her eyebrows slightly, "I know it's difficult, but it'd probably help if we knew what was going on. So we could back you up, or you could talk about it and…stuff," she finished feebly.

"What she _really_ means," Jess grinned, "is that we're all dying to know exactly called him and whether he was able to drop his famous pride and apologise."

"He didn't call me anything, and whether either of us apologised is irrelevant," Lily answered shortly. Carrie and Chris looked at each other, confused, and Jess frowned slightly. "Anyway," she continued, her voice unnaturally perky, "I'm really hungry. I think I'm going to go down to breakfast." Lily turned on her heel and exited through the Portrait Hole, not giving her friends, who had actually been waiting for her to come downstairs so they could all go to the Great Hall together, the chance to join her.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

Lily took a seat between Peter and Remus at the Gryffindor table, sighing deeply as she did so. Peter was chatting avidly with Sirius, who pointedly didn't even glance at her as she sat down. Remus, however, was thoroughly engrossed in his bacon.

"Remus?"

"Wha? – Oh, hey Lils," and he went back to his breakfast. Lily sighed again, but didn't try again to start a conversation. When Remus was in a mood, it was best just to leave him alone. She ate her way through half a slice of toast, nibbling unenthusiastically, and drank a couple of goblets of pumpkin juice. She carefully ignored Chrissy, Jess and Carrie when they came downstairs a few minutes after she did, and they knew better than to try to talk to her when she was avoiding them.

After she had eaten, Lily collected her bag and made her way to Transfiguration alone. As she walked slowly along the stone corridors, being jostled to and fro' by the crowds of students hurrying to their lessons, she caught sight of a familiar face.

"Lily, hi! Long time no see."

"Hey Matt," Lily smiled, a real one this time. "How goes it?"

"Pretty well, thanks. How're you doing? You don't look so great."

"I think I'll take that as a compliment that you're concerned," she smiled again. "I'm not bad, just kinda stressed out – there's a few people I'm not getting on with so well at the moment."

"Your ex again?" Matt asked, giving Lily a quizzical look. She had refrained from telling him Sirius's name, as she knew that he was well-known, and didn't want to cause trouble, either for Sirius or for herself.

Lily nodded. "I guess so. He's not really speaking to me still, so it's not as if I'm getting any grief from him any more."

"That's good. In that case there's gotta be something else, right?"

Lily shrugged. "Yeah, but I can't explain it now – it's a little too complicated."

"I understand," Matt said, and Lily couldn't stop herself from thinking, _'Mmm, sexy Matt…'_ "How about we take a walk later then? You obviously need to talk about it."

"Alright," Lily said gratefully. "I've got Defence Against the Dark Arts last, so –"

"I'll pick you up from there," he said with a grin. "I need to see Van Spyk myself, and I've got a free lesson then, so it won't be a problem."

"Thanks, Matt," Lily smiled, and hugged him hard. She felt him pull her into a bear hug, and snuggled into him. They broke apart fairly quickly, however, especially when Lily saw Sirius and James approaching over Matt's shoulder, both frowning.

"You look guilty," Matt said, raising a sexy eyebrow as Lily tried to look busy. He bent down and whispered in her ear, and she could feel his warm breath against her skin, making her shiver. "Is there something you're not telling me about those two?"

How Matt knew who she'd been looking at, Lily didn't know, but she whispered, "See you later," hoping he'd understand, and sped off to Transfiguration, not wanting to incur the wrath of Professor McGonagall as well as James and Sirius.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

"Lily, stay behind."

Christina and Jess shot Lily confused looks, but she said, "I'll catch you up in a bit," and turned to face Petra as her friends, the last out of the classroom, shut the door behind them. "What did you want, Professor?"

"I want to know what happened between you and James."

"Nothing happened."

"Don't even try it, Lily. You two didn't speak to each other all lesson, and I know how unusual that is."

"So?"

"Lily, what happened? Look, you're upset. I could see your eyes welling up."

"They were _not_ welling up."

"Whatever you say, Lily."

"Look," Lily said sharply, and then corrected herself, "Professor, I _really_ don't want to talk about it."

"Well I do."

"Professor, I –"

"Are you arguing with me, Lily?"

"No, Professor, but -"

"Well then, tell me what happened."

"I don't want to!"

"You're going to." Petra narrowed her eyes, and Lily grimaced.

"It's my business and no one else's."

"Do you want detention for a month?"

"No, but –"

"Then tell me what happened." Petra had a highly evil smirk on her face now.

"You can't do that!"

"Oh yes I can."

"Fine. Fine, you evil, conniving, manipulative cow. You take so much pleasure in everyone else's discomfort, don't you?" Lily was so angry that she didn't dare look at Petra for fear of wanting to hit her, hard, in the face. "Right, I'll tell you what happened. James called me a slaggy bitch, I cried, he apologised, I had a go at him, he had a go at me, we're not on great terms. And that hurts. It really fucking hurts, cos I care about him so much. His opinion is the only one that really matters to me, and when he calls me a bitch, I know it's true. And it's painful. I wouldn't expect you to understand, because I doubt you're even capable of felling pain. Happy now? Hm?"

Finally, Lily looked up at her Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor and was surprised to see that Petra was not angry, or pissed off, or downright murderous as Lily had expected. She was gazing over Lily's shoulder, an expression of puzzlement and contemplation on her face. For a moment, Lily thought she saw a tear in Petra's eye, but thought she must have been mistaken, as when Petra spoke, her voice was steady and firm.

"I bet you feel much better now, don't you?"

"What?" Lily couldn't understand what her Professor was talking about.

"I always find it helps to shout at someone. Failing that, taking it out violently usually works, but promoting that isn't really a good idea."

"You _wanted_ me to shout at you?"

"I didn't say that." Petra's voice had hardened, and Lily could tell that shouting at her perhaps hadn't done her any favours. Just as Petra opened her mouth again, there was a knock on the door. She strode over to her desk, sat on it, and smiled at Lily, raising an eyebrow. For a moment, Lily couldn't understand Petra's sudden change of demeanour, but after a second she cottoned on, and plastered a smile upon her own face.

"Come in."

For some reason, Petra hadn't wanted to give the impression that either she or Lily was anything less than delighted by the conversation they had been having.

Matt poked his head around the door. "Hello, Professor." He noticed Lily, and grinned at her. "Hey, Lily."

"Hi Matt."

"Ah, Mr Kiedis," Petra smiled. Lily rolled her eyes. If she didn't know student-teacher relationships were banned, she would be sure that Petra would have tried it on with Matt.

"Professor, could I have a word? After you and Lily are done, that is."

"We were just finished," Lily said quickly, smiling at Matt, and Petra didn't contradict her. Lily exited the room, saying to Matt, "I'll wait outside, 'kay?" He nodded, and she pulled the door closed behind her.

When Lily got out into the corridor, she found Remus waiting for her. He said, "Hey Lils, how's it going? Thought I'd come and see how you are – didn't want to leave you alone with our serpent Professor in there." What he carefullydidn't say was _who_ thought he should come to check on Lily; the fact that he had heard every word Lily had said inside the classroom; and that, until a few moments ago, he had been hidden underneath James Potter's invisibility cloak, watching Matthew Kiedis's reaction to everything he heard Lily say.

* * *

Well,I thought 100 reviews was a good time to update, so...I did! haha. Anyway, thank you all so much for reviewing, reading, and generally sticking with me. It's appreciated more than I can say. I would thank each of you individually, but thanks to new rules, I have to do that via their new messaging thingy, so...I will. I LOVE getting messages of any kind, so if anyone fancies sending me a message to test the system, that'd be fun times for all, I think.

This new thingy also means that **I can't reply to you unless you're signed in**. However, if you don't and you ask some important questions,I think I could get away with answering those, so no worries if you don't have an account.

Becca xxx (much love, liebe and amore)


	21. Reluctance

"So, Lils, you and Matt?"

"What about us?" Lily feigned ignorance.

"Well, what's going on?"

"Nothing," Lily shrugged. Remus had been too distant to her lately for her to want to tell him anything just yet.

"Lily, please? I just wanna know what's going on. After all, we're best mates, and –"

"Are we though?"

"Sorry?" Remus looked genuinely puzzled.

"Well, it's not like you've been too bothered about me lately, is it? You've been spending more time with someone who hates my guts than with me. You weren't there when I really needed you. How am I supposed to feel about you when you just left me to cry?"

"Lily, I wasn't just leaving you, I –"

"I don't really care, Remus. I've had enough of people at the moment. Why are you here, anyway? Come to hear me cry?"

"Lily, the reason I've been spending more time with James than you is –"

"I don't _care_, Remus!"

"I know you like him, Lily! I've –"

"I do not!"

"Lily, I'm not fucking blind! You like him and you're bloody miserable because he's doing fuck all about it. I've been trying to get him to do something – I know he likes you, Lily, and so does the rest of the bloody world. Would you rather I'd just left it and you two had ended up loners forever?"

"Remus, I'm –" Lily's voice was softer, and she was biting her lip.

"Save it, Lily. Everyone's sick of your stupid mood swings. Just don't give up on James. You two are perfect for each other, however much Sirius tried to persuade him you're not worth it. All James sees is you going after some guy who's gonna use you like a piece of meat and dump you like a slut."

"Remus –"

"Whatever, Lily. I just hope that sinks into your bloody stupid skull. I'll leave you to pimp-boy, shall I?"

"Remus, don't –" But Remus was already walking away and, as lily gazed at his back, he didn't turn around.

"Lily?"

Lily spun around. "Oh, hey again. Van Spyk done with you?"

"Yeah. Wanna take a walk?"

"Sure." Lily decided, for better or for worse, to forget about Remus, forget about James, and just have fun. As they walked, they talked, and eventually came to the spot at the edge of the forest where she and James had been when they had decided to follow Petra. Lily sighed sadly.

"What's up, Lil?"

"Oh, nothing of consequence."

"Yes it is. You admitted earlier that there was something wrong."

"True."

"Well then."

"Argh, alright." And, as they set off walking again, Lily told Matt all about James and what had happened. She carefully edited the story, however, to make it sound like James didn't mean anything to her any more. After all, it wasn't as if anything would ever happen between them, and Matt was a chance too cute to miss. When she had finished, Matt spoke again.

"Sounds like you're well rid of him, to be honest." Lily frowned, so Matt went on. "Obviously I don't know him as well as you do, but from what you've told me and from what other people say about him, it sounds like he's not worth your time."

"You're probably right," Lily sighed.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

"Hey Lily," a voice said as Lily made her was up to Gryffindor Tower.

"Oh, hi Remus." He had come along the corridor leading from the library. "Homework?"

"Yeah. Peter's still struggling with Transfiguration, so James and I were helping him out before McGonagall's Grand Crackdown."

Lily smiled. "Where's James?"

"Still there," Remus grinned. "I just couldn't take it any more though."

"Fair enough. Look, Remus – about earlier…"

"Enough said, Lils. Let's just leave it, eh? No worries."

"Thanks, Remus," she smiled.

"No probs. So, been walking with Matt all this time?"

"Yeah."

"Fun?"

"I guess."

"Why only 'I guess'?"

"Well, he wanted me to tell him what was up, so I had to tell him all about James and everything. He already knew about Sirius, of course, so…" she trailed off, looking at Remus. "What?"

Remus smiled evilly. "All about James? According to you, there isn't anything between you two to get bothered about…"

"Don't try that one on my, Remus Lupin." Lily narrowed her eyes. "I was just upset about the argument we had, nothing else."

"Yeah, sure."

Lily sighed. "Why won't you believe me?"

"Because it's damn obvious, Lily. Please, just talk to me about him. It's not like I'm telling you to confess that you're madly in love with him and want his babies."

"Yeah, but still – Hey! I'm not madly in love with James, and I _don't_ want his babies."

"Well that's besides the point. You like him, don't you?"

Lily grimaced. "Yes, but –"

"Aha! I _knew_ it!"

"Yes, you've been saying that for the past I don't know how long, but –"

"Haha, you confessed!"

"Oh, come on, it's not that big a deal! And anyway –"

"It is! I cracked Lily Evans! That doesn't happen every day."

"Shut up, Remus."

"No. Haha! You like James, you like Potter, hahahaha…"

"Remus."

"Yes?" Remus halted briefly to look sideways at Lily.

"SHUT UP!"

Remus burst out laughing, and Lily glared at him. He didn't stop, however, and pretty soon Lily felt a tug at the corners of her own mouth. Within seconds, she was giggling madly along with him, and the two of them ended up propped up against the stone wall. Just then, Peeves zoomed along the corridor towards them from the direction they had come. Lily tried her best to sober up, not wanting the poltergeist to get them while they were down, but failed miserably.

"Ooh, in the mood for one of Peevsie's little jokes, are we?"

Remus tried to control his laughter. "Erm, no, Peeves, we were just…" But Peeves had pulled from behind his back a cluster of small brightly coloured objects.

Not wanting to stay and find out what they were, the two of them took off along the corridor. Lily heard something hit the ground behind her and looked back to see a puddle of bright green liquid which smelled like –

"Paint bombs!" Lily yelled, and she and Remus sped up, trying their hardest to outrun the speedy poltergeist.

"Kapow!" they heard Peeves yell as more paint bombs collided with the walls, splattering Lily and Remus with flecks of different coloured paint.

They ran all the way to Gryffindor tower, not knowing whether they had lost Peeves, but hearing the echoes of squelching pockets of paint nevertheless. Lily collapsed against the wall where the Fat Lady sat in her frame, looking alarmed.

"Whatever has happened to you two?" she asked.

"We were…" Remus panted.

"Running away from Peeves," Lily finished, sliding to the floor in exhaustion.

The Fat Lady tutted. "That insufferable poltergeist will get what is coming to him one say, you mark my words."

Lily grinned. "Remus, turn around." Remus did so, and she burst out laughing.

"What?"

"You look like a packet of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans!" she laughed.

"Bet you do too," Remus said as the Fat Lady joined in Lily's amusement. "Get up."

Lily heaved herself to her feet and turned around, sighing reluctantly.

Remus snorted. "Yup, Bertie Bott's it is." Lily turned back around and, as they looked at each other, both burst out laughing again. They only stopped when James and Peter approached up the corridor, looking completely perplexed.

"What's so funny?" asked Peter.

"You look like you've all gone mad," James added.

"Private joke," said the Fat Lady sniffily. "Password?"

"Bubotuber pus," James said, and the portrait swung open. The four of them clambered through, Lily and Remus still chortling behind the other two, who looked completely nonplussed.

When they got inside, Lily immediately noticed Chrissy sitting by the window, looking harassed.

"What's up, Chris?" Lily asked, walking over to her. Remus followed.

"Oh, I'm just tired," Christina smiled. "And I want to slaughter Van Spyk."

"You're not the only one," Lily grimaced.

"This homework _sucks_. _Why_ are we supposed to be writing about the way the Dark Arts affect relationships?"

"We are?" Lily asked, puzzled.

"Well, we can all see that Lily always pays full attention in Defence Against the Dark Arts lessons," Remus grinned.

"Shut up, Remus." Lily turned to Chrissy. "When did she say that?"

"Last lesson. How pointless, though – you'd think she was trying to give us relationship counselling or something."

Lily snorted. "From her? Lesson one: how to be a first-class bitch…"

Remus and Chrissy chuckled, and Remus said, "What's she done to piss you off, Lily? I'm sure she's not that bad."

"Oh come on, Remus. She's set us pointless yet difficult homework – I think Lily has the right to be annoyed."

Lily was grateful, although homework wasn't exactly the reason she was annoyed with Petra. "Yeah."

"Ugh. Anyway, what have you two been up to?" Chrissy asked, piling up her books and parchment and stuffing them into her bag as she spoke.

"Not much really," Lily said. She would talk to Chrissy about her walk with Matt later. "How about you?"

"_Trying_ to do this homework," Christina sighed.

"And failing?" asked Remus, looking amused.

"Of course."

Lily grinned. "Is it ever any different?" and before Chrissy had a chance to berate her, she spoke again. "Guys, I need your help."

"We've known that for years," Chrissy said, and stuck her tongue out at a disgruntled Lily. Remus mimed licking his finger and marking a line on an invisible tally chart.

"Touchė!"

"Well, what's this specific problem then?" Remus asked.

"Three guesses. I doubt you'll need more than one…"

The other two looked at each other, grinned, looked back at Lily and said, simultaneously, "James?"

Lily sighed. "It really is that obvious, isn't it?"

* * *

I feel very guilty about not updating over the holidays. I had this written before Christmas and I was planning a bumper chapter. However,I didn't write another word until yesterday because I felt damn awful. So here it is, and I hope you're not too mad at me. I've managed to reply to reviews at least, but who doesn't wanna thank you lovely people for an ego-boost? This chapter is really just a filler, asI planned some action later but, as you can see, it just didn't happen. I'm sorry.

A belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Becca xxx


	22. Amusement

A sixth-year boy ran into the common room and stowed what looked (and smelled) like a bag stuffed full of dungbombs down the back of a sofa.

"What's the big deal?" a girl who he'd shoved out of the way asked indignantly.

"Cost me five Galleons, these did! McGonagall's coming up here and I don't want another detention."

"Yeah, you'd better watch it. That's three Quidditch practices you've missed now!"

"Don't I know it! I've still got bruises from when Nell lost it with me."

The girl snickered. "Serves you right, though. You're the only person I know who managed to get caught by Filch in the Forest."

"I didn't know the stinking git even left the castle! All he's done is prowl since he got here. Gets off on making our lives hell, he does."

The only reason Lily could hear this conversation was that she and Chrissy were sitting in identical armchairs on the other side of the common room fire. Chrissy smirked at her and jerked her head at the Portrait Hole, which was swinging open.

A few people turned round in surprise. It was very unusual for their Head of House to come to the common room. In fact, she normally reserved her visits for big news. Before anyone could start questioning conversations, however, Professor McGonagall spoke.

"Don't panic. I'm not here to bring bad news." A few people breathed sighs of relief, and others rolled their eyes. "You would have heard this at breakfast tomorrow morning. However, I will not be here as I have to run some important errands outside the school." Lily glanced at Remus, sitting across from her, who looked non-plussed. "I have news about your Divination Professor."

Lily saw Chrissy look up, interested. Their Divination Professor had been taken ill in October, and they had made do with a succession of substitute teachers since then. Lily didn't particularly like the subject, but Professor Carter had been nice, and she would be happy to hear that he was recovering.

"Is he better, Professor?" someone asked.

"Professor Carter is recovering, yes, but he says that he will sadly not be joining us again. He has retired, and his replacement will arrive tomorrow. Any of you with Divination lessons in the afternoon will have them with your new Professor."

A buzz of chatter filled the room. Nothing particularly interesting had happened in the past week, so people were keen for some new gossip.

"There is another thing I wish to say, If I may." Professor McGonagall raised her eyebrows and gave a rather severe look to a group of third-year girls who were giggling loudly. Needless to say, they quietened down rather abruptly. "The fifth-year Muggle Studies class are requested to attend an extra lesson in your usual classroom at 7 p.m. tomorrow evening. Should any of you have a problem with that, please give your apologies to your Professor through a friend who will be attending."

Professor McGonagall swept out of the room in a hurried manner, leaving the fifth-years to wonder what an extra Muggle Studies lesson meant. All of Lily's Gryffindor friends apart from Carrie had opted to take Muggle Studies, so their evening was spent happily pondering the possibilities of the next evening.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

Lily, James and Chrissy hauled themselves up the stepladder to the room at the very top of North Tower for their Divination lesson the next afternoon. As they entered the normally dark and dingy room, they had to shield their eyes. Sunlight streamed in from the high windows, bouncing off dangling chains of beads and sequins. The light didn't reach the floor, however, and the plush poufs and armchairs were, as usual, shrouded in shadows.

The three of them, being the only Gryffindors who had deigned to arrive early to what most people deemed to be a pointless or frustrating lesson, sat and waited silently for a few moments, and Chrissy was the one to speak first.

"What's up with you two?"

Lily looked up, startled. "What do you mean?" James looked equally astonished, but Lily suspected that his look was only that; she, unlike him, was fearing imminent embarrassment. _Surely_ Chrissy wouldn't be tactless enough to mention anything now.

"You know what I mean. You two are normally like this," Chrissy crossed her fingers in the air in front of them, "Have you had another fight? You swore you were okay with each other," Christina glared at Lily, "and you did, too," her gaze was on James now.

Lily made a mental note to ask Chrissy what else she had been asking James regarding her, and then (also mentally) told herself to shut up and get a grip. She then realised she was being glared at, and opened her mouth to speak, but James got there before her.

"Well I'm not doing anything. I've been nothing but perfectly civil, and –"

"_Civil_? You've barely spoken to me all day!"

"I haven't done a thing!" James looked at her indignantly.

"Exactly!"

"Well I'm sorry we haven't had a conversation for the best part of a day; I didn't realise we were supposed to be glued at the hip!"

Lily realised she must look like a bit of an idiot with her mouth hanging open like that, but for some reason her jaw didn't seem to feel like returning to its usual position. However, James's disgruntled attention was soon diverted from her goldfish impression.

"Oh, for heaven's sake – I didn't mean to start a domestic!"

"Chris, leave it," Lily said, quietly.

"Yeah," James said. "Lily knows I'm joking, right Lil?"

Lily opened her mouth, shut it, then said, "Er, yeah. Course," which was, naturally, a complete lie.

"Sure about that?" he smirked.

"Of course I'm bloody sure. That doesn't mean it's funny to just go around winding people up, though. You can be _so_ immature sometimes."

"Immature but incredibly funny."

"No, not funny." James looked at her disbelievingly. "Oh, alright. Damn funny as long as I'm not the target. Got it?"

"Got what?"

"Stop trying to wind me up."

"Stop talking to me then."

"Fine, I will."

"Okay then."

"Right."

"Prat."

"Idiot."

"Twerp."

"Cow."

"Immature freak."

"Bossy know-it-all."

"Charmless nerk."

"Complete lunatic."

"Infernal procrastinator."

"What's a prothinginator?"

"Ha! Being a bossy know-it-all has its perks."

"Like being a walking dictionary, you mean?"

"Better than being a walking ego."

"And this is you not talking to me, is it?"

"Just because you lost."

"I did _not_ lose."

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did. You're just a stinking bad loser."

Chrissy was wearing an expression which comprised an interesting combination of defeated boredom and amusement.

"Bad loser? _Me_?"

"Yes, you!"

"Oh yeah, because you _never_ storm off in a huff when I beat you at chess."

"No I don't."

"Do so!"

"No I don't, mainly because _you_ never beat me at chess!"

"The accusation! I'll have you know that I remember perfectly well –" James was cut off by another voice from behind the three, and an unfamiliar one at that.

"What is this? Fighting? Before we 'ave even begun?" The voice was deep and feminine, and they all spun around. A formidable-looking black woman stood behind them, hands on hips, lips pursed in Lily's direction.

"Er, we're sorry, but –"

"Who are you?" Chrissy asked, rather bluntly, and Lily grimaced, thinking that this wasn't one of Chrissy's wisest moves.

"Moi? I am Madame Forte, your Divination Professor, and I will teach you to 'ave a leetle more respect for your teachers, Mademoiselle!"

Even James wasn't laughing. "Like Lily said, Professor –"

"I was under ze impression zat I 'ad addressed your friend, monsieur. Now, if you will kindly shut your mouth and let 'er explain 'erself, as she is obviously ze most outspoken of your leetle trio, I may resink my opinion of you. Do I make myself clear?"

James gulped, and Lily had the strange urge to giggle as she saw James Potter lost for words. "Yes, Professor."

"Madame."

"Yes, Madame."

"Thank you. Now, Mademoiselle…"

"Marsden, Pro- Madame."

"First name?"

"Christina."

"And you?" she rounded on Lily.

"Lily Evans."

Madame Forte frowned for a moment. "James Potter?"

"Oui."

"Ah, you try to make me feel at 'ome?" James grimaced, waiting for another telling off, but it didn't come. "Merci beaucoup. Per'aps I was mistaken about you after all." James grinned, and Lily scowled at him. _Why_ could he always get himself out of trouble with practically no effort? "So, we 'ave Christina Marsden – Chrissy, non?" Chrissy nodded. "Aussi, Lily Evans and James Potter. Where, zen, is Sirius Black? I 'eard you two were almost never wizout each uzzer. Or am I mistaken again, M. Potter?"

"Not mistaken, Madame," came Sirius's voice, and he almost bounded forward from the front of the classroom, where no one had seen him lurking. "I, the honourable and notorious Sirius Black, am at your service."

"Fantastique!"

"Mais oui!" Sirius beamed, and Lily sank into her chair in empathetic embarrassment for Sirius, though he seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself. "One for all and all for one and all that…"

Madame Forte raised an eyebrow. She looked at Sirius from behind square glasses perched on the end of her nose. "But I believe there were three musketeers, not two…"

"And here's the third!" Sirius grinned, dragging Remus out from behind him. Remus, Lily was glad to see, looked moderately embarrassed. At least _one_ of them had some pride.

"Ah, magnifique!" Madame Forte beamed. "And who might you be, sir?"

Lily noticed that, as Mme Forte got less angry, her French accent receded, but it seemed that she preferred French adjectives to English ones.

"Remus Lupin," he muttered.

"Remus? Bon! I gather zat you are all to be taking my class, oui?"

"Yes indeedy," Sirius said, and Lily sank lower in her seat.

"In _zat_ case," said Mme Forte, her eyes narrowing and voice lowering, "I will 'ave Sirius at ze front on ze left, and Remus on ze right. I trust zat you girls are capable of keeping an eye on zis garçon?" Her gaze shifted to Chrissy, who nodded mutely, and then to Lily, who replied.

"Oui, naturellement."

"Ah, anozer wiz a taste for my language? Très bien. But if I see _any_ misbehaviour –" she looked at James, "- and I _will_ see, let zere be no doubt about zat –" then to Lily, "- zen zere will be repercussions. Understand?"

"Yes," said Lily with a sigh. If she and Chrissy were to sit with James, trouble would be inescapable. The Marauders, even at distant corners of the room, were always a force to be reckoned with, and when they set their minds on something, there was little anyone could hope to do about it. It was a pity, Lily thought absent-mindedly, that what the four Gryffindors invariably set their minds on was trouble.

Several more students appeared from the shadows near the portrait hole, and before long, every pouf and armchair in the room was filled.

Madame Forte began her class, as all the teachers did when they first had a class, by taking the register. At first, her French accent caused several people to giggle, particularly at her mispronunciation of names. However, as soon as she glared at the offenders, they would immediately cease their laughter. After all, thought Lily, it wasn't very pleasant to be on the receiving end of one of those looks. When Mme Forte reached Lily's name in the list, she looked up and said, "See me at the end please, Mademoiselle." Lily sighed and nodded, and wasn't surprised that her new Professor repeated this at Christina's name and James's.

Mme Forte was the kind of teacher who commanded respect: the class soon learned that they could share a joke with their teacher, but they would have to be very careful to toe the line. As soon as any of them went over the top, they were given such a yelling at that Lily felt she might soon develop a headache. One look at Remus, siting on the front row, was enough to tell her that those sitting closer to the source of the noise were much worse off.

The first few minutes of the lesson were taken up by an explanation of Mme Forte's unexpected replacement of their previous teacher, Professor Carter. It turned out that Mme Forte used to teach at Beauxbatons, "Surprise, surprise," James said. That explained the French accent, anyway. Professor Dumbledore had apparently asked her to take over Professor Carter's classes, as she was not expected back soon, if at all.

Their new Professor had a much more practical approach to Divination than they were used to, and Lily found that the subject made a lot more sense the way Mme Forte taught it than the way she had learned before. They began by reading tea leaves, as they had done at the beginning of the year, because Mme Forte said it would be "beneficial to see the differences between ze many interpretations of zis renowned skill." Lily could see her point, although she didn't have much more success reading James's tea leaves than she had before.

"Professor," Lisa Brocklehurst sang out from the front of the room in her seat next to Sirius, where she was presumably attempting to read signs in the soggy pulp at the bottom of his cup.

"Oui?" Madame Forte was at her side almost instantly.

"Professor, what does a motorbike mean? It doesn't give any muggle vehicles in our textbook…"

"Cool, a motorbike?" Sirius said with glee, "I've always wanted one of those!"

"Let me see," Mme Forte said imperiously. "Hmm…a motorbike indeed. It almost looks airborne…a flying motorbike? I 'ave never encountered one of zese in ze tea leaves."

Lisa looked intrigued, but Sirius was gazing into space, mouthing what looked suspiciously like, "A _flying_ motorbike…I hadn't thought of that…"

Lily turned to James, who was busy telling Chrissy that she was going to be trampled by a herd of centaurs, and said, "James, promise me that if Sirius ever buys a flying motorbike, you'll _never_ ride on it."

"What?" said James, who had clearly missed Lisa's conversation with Mme Forte.

"If Sirius ever gets a flying motorbike, promise me you'll never ride on it," she repeated.

"Er…okay," James said, still looking bewildered, and Chrissy started laughing. "Now what?" he asked, looking worried.

Chrissy stopped laughing, but still looked highly amused. "You two. One minute you're arguing, the next minute you're agreeing to anything Lily says, however stupid."

"Hey, that is _not_ stupid! Don't tell me you want James falling off a flying motorbike and killing himself!"

"Well no, but why would that have anything to do with Sir-" she was cut off by Mme Forte, who was announcing that the lesson was finished.

"I will see you all again tomorrow, I 'ope. And you three," she looked at Lily, Chrissy and James, "do not forget zat I wish to speak to you."

James sighed, and the three of them slumped in their seats. Mme Forte came over, waited for the others to leave the classroom, then addressed Chrissy.

"All I 'ave to say to you is zat you should look out for your friends." She didn't seem to notice that Chrissy looked highly confused, but continued. "Learn to feel zeir auras and you should do better. Zey need you, never forget zat."

Chrissy nodded, and gestured to the open trapdoor. "Should I-?" Mme Forte nodded dramatically and made a waving motion towards the ladder sticking out from the hole in the corner of the room.

"Professor, what did you want to speak to us about?" Lily asked quickly. She didn't particularly want to stay here for long. If she was going to be told off (though she didn't see quite what she had done wrong), she would rather just get it over with.

Mme Forte drew herself up impressively, and spoke in ringing tones. "Quite 'ow you expect anyone to make a decent prediction in zis class is unclear, as ze pair of you seem intent upon casting a bad aura around us."

"Bad aura?" James echoed.

"Did I ask for a parrot? Non." Lily couldn't help it – she just had to snigger. "And you – you should know better! You should know zat boys are immature. I _thought_," Mme Forte's eyes narrowed again, and Lily heard her bangles jangle as she placed one hand on her hip, using the other to gesticulate wildly as she talked, "zat you would 'ave more sense, girl! Whezzer you 'ave any faith in zis subject is completely beyond my control, but I would at least ask you to set some store by my abilities as a Diviner! I can tell more about your futures zan you can comprehend, Miss Evans, and I would thank you _not_ to ridicule something you know so little about merely because it frightens you."

Lily looked flabberghasted. "_Frightened_?"

"Ah, I see we 'ave a troupe of talking macaws! 'Ad I finished? Non! As I was saying before I was so _rudely_ interrupted, you would do well to learn to appreciate knowledge beyond zat which your textbooks can show you. Not all truths in our world are corporeal, and perhaps you are lucky not to know what I know."

"Madame, are you –" Mme Forte span around to look at James, "- are you saying you know what's going to happen to us? In the future, I mean…" he trailed off, looking apprehensive. Lily wondered if he, like herself, felt that perhaps he didn't want to know.

"Zis is why I am always so frustrated! You children, you cannot _begin_ to understand… Nothing is certain. Ze future, like ze present, is ever-changing and never still, not for one moment. I can sense no-one's future. Neizer can I predict for certain an event, as many claim is possible. Divination is not the art of telling the future. It is the art of reading the past; sensing the present; feeling the signs. All I can sense is an aura: a kind of feeling of what may 'appen, or some hint or clue as to what is to come."

"Why…" Lily spoke, and Mme Forte didn't cut her off. "Why are you telling us this, Professor? Have you sensed something from one of us?" Lily caught James's eye and blushed. He was looking at her in a…she supposed intense was the right word. In an intense sort of way. It wasn't the first time she had felt that she had said something that he would have asked, or that her thoughts had come out of his mouth. She supposed she could put it down to being such close friends, but a little part of her wanted to believe it was a sign. But hadn't she told herself, and others, that signs and portents were bollocks?

"I don't know why I am telling you this, Lily." Mme Forte's voice was quieter, and her accent was almost gone. She sat down heavily in Chrissy's vacated chair, and sighed. "From you two I can sense only fog." The two of them looked at her, puzzled, and she elaborated. "There are bad feelings between you two. I did not have to hear you arguing to know this. However, I cannot know whether what I sense is merely emotional or whether I have stumbled across a deeper sign; a trace of something else. Until you have put aside your differences, whatever they may be, I cannot tell."

"But Professor," James said quietly, "that wasn't a real argument. Lily and I –" he looked down, refusing to catch Lily's eye, "- we don't fight. Not really. I mean, we argue, but who doesn't? There's nothing deeper going on, we're just friends who have a joke around, that's all. Right?"

Something about these words stung. _'We're just friends who have a joke around, that's all. Right?'_ Lily knew, deep down, that he could not have meant this in any other way than to say that they were good friends, not enemies, but it still hurt. Of _course_ James wouldn't go around telling teachers,_ 'Yeah, me and Lily – we're about to be a couple. I've liked her for ages, of course, but nothing's really happened.'_ Even if that was true, why would he say it? But that didn't change the fact that it hurt.

Lily suddenly became aware of the fact that she was being stared at. They were waiting for an answer. "Oh, right. I mean, yeah. We're good mates and all that." She knew she was blushing, but hoped desperately that the gloomy classroom with its creeping shadows would hide her sudden embarrassment.

Mme Forte looked disbelieving for a fleeting moment, and Lily wondered if she had imagined the look of curiosity that flickered over her Professor's face, but then stopped wondering. It didn't matter whether she was curious or not – there was nothing to be curious about.

"Well, zere is certainly something 'ere. I cannot tell you what, but zat is no surprise. Your problems are your own to solve." Her accent was back as she looked from James to Lily, and from Lily to James. "'Owever, when Professor Dumbledore offered me zis position, 'e was convinced zat I could 'elp 'is students. I am wondering now whezzer I can 'elp you."

"We don't need helping, Professor." Lily was shocked to hear James's voice turn hard and cold.

"You don't? Well, I am sure zat I can find someone who can better appreciate my time! I am 'ere if you want my 'elp, but you should know zat I cannot do anything for you until you are honest wiz each uzzer!" Lily cringed, and she knew that James was looking at her. He got up, and she followed suit, slowly. "Leave me in peace now, ungrateful boy! And you too," she looked at Lily, "alzough I 'ave a feeling you know more zan you're letting on, Mademoiselle."

That was the worst thing Mme Forte could have said, thought Lily as she left the classroom behind James. Now James was bound to ask her questions to which she could give no answers.

* * *

Wow. As you know, this took me an unimaginably long time to write. Well, actually it's more the first little section that took me that long - the rest happened in a couple of days. Anyway, I am so sorry for taking so long; I'd really lost track of how long it was since I'd updated. I haven't been feeling great over the past couple of months, so it's been difficult to get round to doing anything constructive, but hopefully I'm back on track now! 

Again, so sorry - and thank you to everyone for your reviews, and for sticking with me.

Becca xxx


	23. Evasion

"What are you hiding, Lil?" James asked as they walked. Lily sighed. She had hoped that he wouldn't ask her: they had managed to walk all the way to the seventh-floor corridor which housed the Fat Lady's portrait without any awkward questions.

"Hm?" she answered, pretending (very badly, she knew) that she hadn't heard him.

"What are you hiding, Lily?" James repeated patiently, catching her round the waist and halting.

Lily stepped backwards, trying to look puzzled. "What?"

"Forte says you're hiding something."

Lily smiled. "Oh, so her word's more valuable than mine now, is it?"

"That's not what I said," James said, looking serious. "Now stop avoiding the question."

"I'm not avoiding the question," Lily said, straight-faced. It was almost true, she told herself. "I just don't have anything to tell you that you don't already know."

"Sure."

"I don't!"

"Well, aside from the things I really _don't_ want to know, there must be something."

"How so?"

"Forte says so."

"She's a fraud."

"You think?"

"Yes, I think," Lily said firmly, avoiding James's gaze. "They're all frauds. Divination is bollocks."

"You're only saying that because she found you out."

"I've been saying that for years."

"No you haven't."

"I have."

"The wall agrees with me."

"No it doesn't."

"It does so. It says you can't get enough of Divination, especially when Chrissy tells you you're about to meet a tall handsome stranger called Matthew Kiedis."

Lily was genuinely taken aback. "I'm sure Chrissy's never talked about Matt in Divination."

James shrugged. Lily looked at him, confused. He slumped against the wall, and she joined him. "What's up?"

"There's something you're not telling me."

"There isn't!"

"If you say so."

"Why would I hide anything from you?"

James shrugged again, looking sulky. "Beats me."

"Potter, there is _nothing_ you don't know about me that you a) would want to know or b) would find remotely interesting."

"Oh, fine. How's Kiedis?"

"Hm?"

"Kiedis. How's the situation?"

It was Lily's turn to shrug. James was the last person she wanted to talk to about Matt. "We're okay. It's at a bit of a standstill, to be honest."

"How come?"

"I dunno." Lily paused for thought, staring absent-mindedly at a spider travelling up the wall opposite her and James. Nearly Headless Nick floated past after a moment, giving the two of them a curious look but not stopping to chat. "It's a bit of a stalemate, actually."

James snorted. "In other words, he doesn't like you as much as you like him."

"What was that for?"

"What was what for?"

"That was a bit uncalled for."

"Oh." James looked a bit perturbed. "I wasn't trying to be harsh."

Lily knew she shouldn't be annoyed, but that didn't stop her. "Oh, whatever. Try thinking before you speak, and people might not get so pissed off with you."

"I wasn't aware that most people had a problem with me."

"Well you wouldn't be, would you," Lily muttered.

"What was that?"

"Oh, it doesn't matter." Lily stood up, and said, "Why are we standing out here like pilocks anyway? We should be at dinner."

"Oh." James pulled a face. "That's true. Off we go then." He started walking off, and Lily had to rush to catch up with him.

"Now who's being stressy?"

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

"Oh, hey guys. What took you so long?" Chrissy said, chopping her Yorkshire pudding in half.

"Forte," James said, and Remus nodded.

"How many detentions did you get?"

"None," Lily said, surprised.

Remus looked shocked. "Potter asked to stay behind by a teacher and not given a single detention? I must be dreaming. Pinch me." Sirius leaned over the table, elbowing Chrissy's pumpkin juice on the way, and pinched Remus. "_Ow_! I was being metaphorical!"

"Metawhatical?"

"I'll give you metawhatical, you complete idiot!" Chrissy yelled, whacking Sirius across the back of the head. "Look at my plate!"

They all dutifully looked at Chrissy's aforementioned plate, which now held a messy orange pulp which, presumably, was the remains of her Yorkshire pudding. Lily sighed. Things were about to get messy.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

After dinner, the fifth-years waited behind in the Great Hall for the announcement they had been informed about. There was much speculation as to what the subject would be: a telling-off, thought Peter; a school trip to see the Quidditch World Cup, suggested by Sirius; Carrie thought there might be a new lesson or club; and Chrissy was hoping for some kind of school treat. Many people, it seemed, were going for Carrie's idea. Duelling clubs stopped and started, but there were too many accidents for any teacher to want to be responsible for one. Lily hadn't made up her mind what she thought, but enjoyed joining in the discussions anyway.

Fifteen minutes or so passed in this way, while the rest of the school gradually filtered out of the Great Hall. The Marauders (joined by Chrissy and Jess, to Carrie's consternation) were seen to hurry stragglers, namely a group of terrified-looking first year Hufflepuffs, out. Finally, when only the fifth-years were left, Professor Dumbledore got to his feet. Several of the other teachers remained at the top table, including Professor Van Spyk, Professor Estella, their Astronomy teacher, Madame Forte, and their much-despised Potions teacher, Professor D'Arcy. Lily only managed to get through each Potions lesson by reminding herself at sixty second intervals that she would be gone at the end of the year when Professor Slughorn returned.

"Good evening, fifth-years," the Headmaster beamed as the students in front of him fell into a hush. "It gives me great pleasure to announce to you a priveledge which your recent predecessors did not have." The eight Gryffindors looked at each other, James and Sirius with conspiritorial glances. The words "England versus Mexico" were just audible, and Lily smiled. "I take no credit, however, for the organisation of this event. I will leave further explanations to Professor Van Spyk."

Dumbledore took his seat again, and nodded to Petra. She got to her feet and gave Dumbledore a smile before looking around at her fellow teachers. She then addressed the students. "These ladies and myself thought it appropriate that we introduce something new into your curriculum." They all looked at Carrie, who smiled modestly, gesturing that they should listen. "However," she continued above the slight murmur that her words had invoked, "this will not be another lesson in the way that you are used to classes being organised. Without giving too much away, I can tell you that this will be an entirely practical subject, with sessions alternating between the four of us." She gestured to Professors D'Arcy, Estella and Forte. "More information about exactly what the first part of your course entails will be posted on boards in your Common Rooms tomorrow morning, courtesy of your heads of houses. They, however, know no more than you do about the upcoming events, so _please_ do not inundate them with tedious questions which they will not be able to answer. Professor D'Arcy will explain further." As the Potions teacher stood, the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor sat, and took a sip from her goblet. Clearly, the interesting part was over.

"Upcoming events?" Jess wondered aloud, absent-mindedly swilling her pumpkin juice in her goblet. "That sounds like something interesting."

"More lessons? How can that _possibly_ be a good thing?" Sirius replied.

"Oh, I dunno," Remus retorted. "She said it'd be a practical thing, didn't she? Could be fun."

Sirius still didn't look convinced, so James leaned over and said, in a stage-whisper, "Plenty of pranking opportunities too...you can get Van Spyk back for that first lesson..."

Sirius perked up immediately. "You know, I'm beginning to like the sound of extra classes. What do you reckon, Wormtail?"

Peter gulped. "As long as it's not anything difficult, I think it sounds okay."

"I'm sure it'll be fine, Peter," said Carrie kindly.

"What's it all about though? I'm not doing _Study of Creatures Far Too Dangerous for Normal Wizards_ or anything equally ridiculous," said Sirius.

"Why don't you listen then?" said Lily, who, though amused at the conversation, would have preferred to be able to hear Professor D'Arcy. After all, there might be something important left to say.

"...and this class will concentrate on general knowledge which you will all need to possess for later life."

Lily could hear Chrissy behind her, saying, "This _clahss_ will concentrate on general spiffing knowledge, which you will need for later life, doncha know!"

James then chimed in, in a truly ridiculous (and slightly too loud for comfort) falsetto, with, "Truly fan_tab_ulous, old bean!"

Lily snorted in amusement, but carried on listening all the same. "All of you have had the option of taking Muggle Studies. However, there are some things about the Muggle world which we should regard as general knowledge. The segregation of magical and muggle communities means that not all, or even many, of us know enough about Muggle life, history or traditions to be able to live happily and harmoniously alongside Muggles." Suspecting more than a little discontent, Lily looked around at the Slytherins. Sure enough, there were scowls and narrowed eyes aplenty. Well, they were just going to have to deal with it. "Therefore, we have come up with a curriculum which will teach you about Muggle and magical history, an extraordinary amount of which intertwines; general world knowledge relating to other cultures within magical and Muggle communities; and also life skills such as financial management and First Aid."

"PSE," Lily muttered under her breath.

Chrissy turned to her and said, "What's PFD?"

"PSE," Lily repeated, "stands for Personal Social Education. They teach it in Muggle schools. My sister calls it Pretty Sodding Excrutiating."

"Is this going to be really boring then?" asked Peter, wide-eyed.

"I doubt it," said Lily. All the Gryffindors were looking at her now they knew she had some prior experience of what they would be doing. She, rather than elaborating, motioned for them to listen to Professor Estella, who had stood up in Professor D'Arcy's place.

"This class will be compulsory." A few people groaned. "However, no homework or other extra activities will be required of you. Anything other than the fortnightly classes will be entirely optional." This sparked off more conversations, as a homework-free class was an unusual thing. Professor D'Arcy sat down, presumably having nothing more to say, and leant over to speak to Petra, who didn't look to pleased about it.

"Wow, so basically we get to sit in a room for an hour or so every couple of weeks, doing nothing, then ignore any homework we're supposed to be doing and not get detention for it. Sounds good," James grinned, looking slightly shocked.

Lily frowned. "Don't you think there'd be more to it than that?"

"Should there be?" James asked. "Sounds to me like a Ministry thing they've got to do that they're not really that bothered about."

"So why are they making such a big deal about it?"

"She's got a point," agreed Chrissy. "Why would Van Spyk and Estella get involved if it was something boring and Ministry-run?"

James shrugged, and Sirius piped up, "Why should we care? If Van Spyk and D'Arcy are involved, it can't be a good thing."

"How so?" Jess asked.

"Because they're both evil Slytherin bitches, that's why."

"Evil Slytherin bitches promoting Muggle awareness? i think not," Lily retorted.

"Why are you sticking up for them?" Sirius scowled. "No, wait, you always have to be teacher's pet, don't you?"

"Sirius!" Chrissy frowned. "This is not the time!"

"Why not?"

"Because...because it just isn't."

"No, he's right, Chris," Lily said. "Why shouldn't he say exactly what he thinks whenever he thinks it? After all, we can't really expect him to understand tact or sensitivity or anything that emotionally complex, can we?"

Sirius opened his mouth to reply, but Remus spoke first. "Can you two please leave this alone? It's not our faults your relationship fucked up, so can you stop fucking up good times for the rest of us? It's just not fair."

Lily tried to think of something to say, but closed her mouth again. Remus was right, and there was no getting round it. "Sorry, Remus," she said quietly. "Sorry, guys."

"No worries," Carrie said quickly, and James nodded. Sirius, however, didn't say anything or make any kind of apologetic gesture. Somehow what Sirius did or didn't do just didn't seem to merit comment, but Lily couldn't avoid it.

"Anyway," Lily said, changing the subject back to the teachers' announcement, "Slytherin bitches they may be, but I don't think this has anything to do with Slytherin bitchiness. This is something else."

"Hang on, Lil," Jess said. "Who says this is anything more than one of those PSE thingies?"

"Have you ever known a Slytherin get involved in something that wasn't beneficial to them?"

Jess thought for a moment. "That is a _very_ good point."

"So," asked James, "what's the plot?"

* * *

It's been too long, and I'm sorry.I had this finished last night, and I'm not that happy with it, but I owe you guys an update. I've had too much going on, with a new job and study leave and panicking about GCSE orals, andI hope you can forgive me for keeping you waiting. I don't forsee it being anything like as long before the next chapter, so hang on in there! I'll get more written as soon as physically/mentally possible. Thanks,

Becca


	24. Confrontation

When Lily reached her dormitory that night, she found a letter waiting for her on her pillow, and a kestrel perched on the curtain rail of her four-poster. As she picked up the letter, the bird gave a loud cry and swooped out of the still-open door. Jess was sitting on her bed, reading an unknown book with a startlingly pink cover which Lily thought she probably didn't want to know the name of, sporting a rather wary expression.

"Has it gone? The bird?" She leaned sideways and attempted to see around the door, but only succeeded in very nearly falling off her bed.

Lily laughed. "I assume so. Whose is it? I've never seen anyone with a bird of prey to carry letters." She frowned and tried to think who she knew who would be able to tame a kestrel. Perhaps Hagrid, but he tended to use the school owls.

Jess shrugged. "Beats me. It's been here a while, though; it was already here when I came up. It's been one-eyeing me the whole time."

"One-eyeing? What the heck is one-eyeing?"

Jess sighed. Then she turned her head to the side, looked at Lily, and pulled her lower eyelid down with one finger. "One eye," she said, matter-of-factly.

"Okay," Lily said, and grinned. "One-eyeing it is. Is that a verb then?"

"Yup. I one-eye, you one-eye, he / she / it one-eyes. Example: 'Wow, she's really one-eyeing that cake, isn't she?"

Lily laughed. "Fine." She turned to the letter and picked it up. Her name was written on the front, as you might expect, in slanted, loopy, slightly spiky handwriting. It didn't look particularly familiar, which confused her even more. Surely no one she didn't know would be sending her a note, especially not to her dormitory rather than at breakfast in the Great Hall.

"Who's it from?" Jess asked, bounding over to look over Lily's shoulder. "Get a move on and open it! It might be a love letter!"

Lily sighed, but grinned all the same. "Who do I know who would be sending me a love letter?"

"Matt? Sirius? Jamesypoo?"

Lily pulled a face. "Matt wouldn't bother, Sirius hates my guts, and Potter's handwriting couldn't look like this if he practised for an hour every night for fifteen years. Besides, it's girly writing."

"Alright, a lesbian love letter then," Jess said, not the least bit put off.

"Well then, I'd like to read my lesbian love letter in private, please," Lily commanded, pointing a finger at Jess's bed. She slunk away, pouting, and Lily couldn't help but grin. She sat down, unfolded the parchment, and read. It said:

'Lily, would you please return my necklace? I need it tonight, if possible. Thanks.'

It took Lily a moment, but then she clicked. Petra's necklace. She bit her lip – it had been weeks since she had borrowed it. In truth, she had forgotten all about it, which was weird, because she had worn it a lot. She never remembered putting it on, but she always seemed to be wearing it. In fact – Lily looked down and saw her fingers clasped around the silver chain. She dropped it as if it was white-hot, and shook herself.

"Are you alright?" Jess asked, frowning. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Lily said automatically, and started to think. She couldn't remember putting the necklace on, but she must have done. She didn't consciously eat or breathe or spit after brushing her teeth, after all. They were just things that she did, subconsciously.

"Who's the letter from?" Jess asked, just as Chrissy and Carrie came through the door.

"What letter?" Christina asked, looking from Lily to Jess.

"Lily's got a lesbian love letter," Jess said in a conspiratorial whisper. "She was just about to tell me who it's from."

"Van Spyk," lily said to Jess, ignoring Chrissy.

"You've got a lesbian love letter from Van Spyk?" Carrie asked incredulously.

Lily burst out laughing. "No, I just got a letter. Absolutely no lesbian references, implied or otherwise."

"Fair enough. What does it say?" Chrissy asked, and Lily threw the letter to her. She watched her friend mouthing the words, and then she said, "You have her necklace?"

"Yeah," Lily said, and unhooked the necklace, passing it to Chrissy.

"Wow," Carrie said, peering at it. "It's pretty."

"Very Slytherin, though," Jess commented as she stood up to see.

"True." Lily smiled. "Anyway, I reckon I'd better take it back to her before curfew. I really don't need a detention."

"No one's going to give you a detention, Lils, you're a prefect," Carrie said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh, I don't know," Lily said. "It's Slytherin night tonight." With that, she jumped off her bed and retrieved the necklace from Christina's clutches.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

When she reached Petra's office, Lily knocked twice and put her hand in her pocket, feeling for the now-familiar serpentine shape that was her teacher's pendant. It wasn't there, but she suddenly felt the weight around her neck that meant she was wearing it. She must have looked puzzled as she opened the door, because Petra said, "Good Lord, what happened to you?"

Lily was so shocked by the sight of Petra in pyjamas that she couldn't speak. Finally, after several long moments of stuttering, she said, "Your pyjamas…they have kittens on them." And, indeed, they did. Little white kittens gambolling around in a rather frightening manner, for that matter.

"Don't you like them?" Petra asked, looking down at her purple trousers.

"Erm – yes, they're, er, sweet," Lily managed to say.

"You think so? I think they look rather demonic. Come in," she replied.

Perhaps it was the sporadic appearance of the word 'miaow' that made Petra's pyjama bottoms so frightening, Lily thought, though it was more likely just the fact that Lily had never seen her teacher anything less than dressed to the nines.

"Oh," Petra added, "why did you look so confused? At that point, you hadn't seen my pyjamas." She grabbed a black dressing gown and pulled it on over her white vest.

"Nothing," Lily said quickly, "I was just thinking about Transfiguration homework."

Petra raised an eyebrow in mild disbelief, but nodded. "How are you?" she asked, gesturing for Lily to take a seat on her red sofa.

"Fine, thanks," Lily said. "You?"

"Could be worse," her Professor said, massaging her temples. "I've had a splitting headache all day, though. That's what comes of having seventh-years first thing."

Lily unhooked the necklace for the second time that evening, and handed it to Petra. "Thanks a lot, I completely forgot that I hadn't given it back. Sorry."

Petra smiled. "It becomes habit, doesn't it? Wearing it, I mean."

Lily nodded, wondering if Petra was getting at anything in particular, or whether the remark was completely innocent. "Yeah," was the only reply she could really come up with.

"How's James?" she asked abruptly.

"Er…" Lily said, taken aback, and Petra grinned.

"Or Matt, for that matter."

"Er…" Lily repeated, feeling like a bit of an idiot. "Well, they're both alright, as far as I know."

Petra's eyebrow raised again. Lily wondered absent-mindedly whether it spent more time raised than in its normal position. "It's not going well, is it." It wasn't a question, it was a fact.

"No," Lily admitted with a sigh. "I hate boys."

"You'll hate men, too," Petra said with a grin. "They're just the same, only bigger. That goes for the egos, too."

"Great," Lily said, grimacing.

"Well, that's one way to describe it," she replied.

"Your love life not going well either, then?" Lily wondered after saying this whether she hadn't overstepped the mark just a tad. After all, it was normally her teacher who asked the questions, not the other way around.

"No, in a word," Petra replied, looking at Lily in a rather odd way. "Contrary to your belief, I'm sure."

"What?" Lily said, confused.

"Just because I haven't mentioned it, it doesn't mean I've forgotten," she said grimly. "And I doubt that you two have, either."

Lily gulped. This was not going to pleasant, she could feel it. "About that –" but Petra butted in before Lily could speak.

"It's hardly my place to reprimand you for being in the forest, but I don't ever want to witness you two being anywhere you shouldn't, or _following_ anyone you shouldn't." Lily winced. Clearly, Petra had worked out their reason for being in that exact part of the forest. "Is that clear?"

Lily nodded swiftly. "I'm really sorry, we didn't mean to –"

"I dare say you didn't. The fact is, however, that you did. I won't try to confront Potter about this, as he probably couldn't take the embarrassment –" Lily grinned as she tried to imagine James's face if he ever had to talk to Petra about what he'd seen, "- but I want you to make sure that he doesn't get into any mischief either."

"I can't control what he does, I'm not –"

"Aren't you?"

"Aren't I what?"

"You tell me. Goodnight." And with that, Petra got up and ushered a highly confused Lily out of her office.

* * *

Well, I thought I'd better get something up, so here it is. If I went on any longer at this point, I'd give more awaythan I wanted to, so apologies, but the short chapter was at least partly necessary. Thank you so much to those who are still reading and reviewing, and for those who are still reading but not reviewing, thanks, and it would be nice to know that you still exist once in a while :)

I'm on study leave now, so I'm hoping to get some more up sooner rather than later, so cross your fingers for me!

Becca x


	25. Intrigue

**Chapter 26**

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Around a week later, the fifth-year Gryffindors were sitting near the fire in the Common Room, struggling through an essay Professor McGonagall had set for the following day. With a flourish, Lily added a full stop to the end of her parchment, and pronounced, "Finished."

"Me too," James said, and stretched before leaning back against the sofa Lily and Chrissy were sitting on.

"Give me thirty seconds," Carrie muttered, scribbling at top speed.

"Twenty," Remus added. They all found that they got through work much quicker when there was competition: nothing was actually at stake, of course, but it made the time pass more quickly. Chrissy was the next after Remus and Carrie to put down her quill, followed by Jess a couple of minutes later. Sirius had given up long before, and Peter was still writing, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth. Christina nudged Lily and gestured towards Peter. Lily grinned.

"Right then, what's next?" Remus asked.

"_More_ homework?" James moaned.

"Oh, no," Chrissy said. "I can't take much more."

Carrie looked down at her homework planner (they had all been presented with one at the beginning of the year, but Carrie and Peter were the only two who used theirs) and said, "There isn't really anything else we need to do yet. There's a Potions assignment for Thursday, but not much else really. We've already done the Divination and Charms."

"I still have Ancient Runes to do," Chrissy sighed.

"When's it for?" Lily asked.

"Friday."

"Don't worry about it," Jess said, mimicking James as she leant against Remus's chair.

"We can do something fun now, then?" Sirius asked.

Not directly addressing Sirius, Lily said, "I know! Who's up for a bet?"

"On what?" James asked, interested.

Lily grinned maliciously. "What Van Spyk wears to bed."

"What?" Carrie asked incredulously. "How are we supposed to find that out?"

"I'll happily find out," James said innocently, and Chrissy whacked him one from behind. He gave a disgruntled "Hmph," and rubbed his jaw.

"No need," Lily said, grinning and giving Chrissy a high five. "I already know."

"_How_?" Remus asked. Lily tapped her nose, and Carrie snorted.

"Don't tell me she was in her pyjamas when you went to see her that time?"

"Yup," Lily said.

"Fantastic!" Jess exclaimed. "How much are we betting?"

"Three sickles," Lily said immediately.

"Three sickles? I can't afford three sickles!" Chrissy said.

"Don't question the girl with the knowledge," Lily reprimanded her. "Besides, I know for a fact that you've got ten Galleons in your underwear drawer." Almost everyone (barring Chrissy and Peter, who had only just stopped writing and was trying to work out what they were talking about) laughed, and Lily pulled a piece of parchment from the arm of the sofa. She quickly scribbled everyone's names down the side, and then pronounced, "Right, people, anyone who wants to take a guess can cough up."

Everyone apart from Lily got to their feet, and the girls and Sirius headed off to their dormitories to collect their money. James and Remus dug in their pockets, and Peter began rifling through his bag. Lily could never understand why the boys tended to keep money on their person at Hogwarts, but then it occurred to her that they might do this kind of thing much more than your average Hogwarts student. Either that or they were in the habit of buying items from older students that Mr Filch or any of their Professors would definitely have confiscated.

Once they were all seated again, Lily said, "Who wants to go first?"

"Me," Jess said, putting her money onto the coffee table between them. "I reckon she wears a nightie with teddies on." Lily raised an eyebrow and wrote down 'nightie with teddies'.

"Remus?"

"Red satin."

"Red satin what?"

Remus grinned. "Now there's a choice…I think I'll go with one of those skimpy little negligee things."

Lily rolled her eyes but dutifully noted this down. "Peter?"

"Flannel pyjamas."

As Lily was writing this down, Remus said, "For heaven's sake, Peter; are you a reptile?"

Peter looked confused at this, so Carrie said, "He means 'Are you cold-blooded?' I'm going for PJs with bunnies on them or something."

"Sirius?"

"Some kind of weird PVC bondage thing."

James high-fived Sirius, and said, "Well I reckon she sleeps starkers."

Lily started laughing, while Jess looked disgusted. "Ew, Potter, that would mean Lily being in an office with a naked Van Spyk. _Ew_,"

"Well, I think it's quite a nice image…" James said, looking put out. This time it was Lily's turn to whack the back of his head. "Ow!"

"Are we all done?" Lily asked, looking around. There was a general nod, and a few positive murmurs, so Lily sat up. "Well, I can tell you that she doesn't sleep in any kind of sexual thing."

"How would you know what's classed as a sexual thing? You're female," Remus muttered.

"Give the girl _some_ credit," Chrissy said. "She may be straight, but that doesn't mean she doesn't know when a woman looks damn attractive."

"Fine," Remus said, still looking slightly disbelieving, or just disappointed. Lily smiled as she thought that she had probably just shattered one of his fantasies.

"Carrie was actually the closest," Lily continued.

Carrie grinned and clapped her hands in a five-year-old-with-Christmas-presents sort of way, and said, "Ooh, what does she wear then?"

Lily grinned again. "Purple PJ bums with kitties on, and a top with 'Meow' written on the front."

Jess burst out laughing, and James said, "Is that normal?"

"Fairly," Lily said. "In the Muggle world, at any rate. Why?"

"Just sounds weird. I s'pose I've never seen what most women wear to bed."

Chrissy laughed. "Well what do you lot wear to bed?"

"Boxers," Sirius said. "Except for Peter, who has Superman pyjamas and grandad slippers."

"Gotta love grandad slippers," Carrie said.

"What about you lot? Spill."

"Pyjamas," said Lily vaguely, and Chrissy grinned.

"Aw, c'mon! You know what we wear to bed, now we get to know what you wear. Fair's fair."

"Lily told you," Carrie said. "Besides, I don't want you lot wanking over the image of us in pyjamas."

"Too late," James grinned, and Carrie paled slightly, but the other girls laughed.

"Well in that case," Jess said, "there's no point in hiding the truth. We actually sleep together in one giant bed wearing black silk underwear."

"Or not," Lily added with a grin.

"Okay," James said, trying to arrange his face into an appropriate expression, "I think I can deal with that." He looked to Sirius to support, but he was having an impromptu and unconvincing coughing fit. Peter, on the other hand, had turned scarlet. Remus was the only one of the four who managed to meet Lily's eye, but she noticed that he couldn't quite look straight at Chrissy.

After a few seconds' pause in which everyone calmed their laughter (or coughing) and mustered some dignity, James said, "Hang on: that can't be right."

"Why not?" Jess asked with raised eyebrows.

"Because I've seen your beds and they're exactly like ours, only with more stuff stuck on them. And Lily wears white pyjamas."

It was Lily's turn to splutter. "_What?_"

James grinned. "You heard me."

Everyone looked at Lily, then at James, who was looking very pleased with himself. Most looked incredulously amused, but Sirius' look could have cut glass. Lily said, "You have never seen me in my pyjamas!"

"They are white, though," added Chrissy unhelpfully, "unless she's wearing the red and black ones with –"

"Shut up, Christina," Lily snapped.

"No, do go on," said James, and Remus nodded, grinning.

"I want to know how James got into our room without us noticing," said Carrie, looking scared.

"Me too," said Jess, scowling, although this was probably because she had been seen without makeup rather than because she valued her privacy.

"I have my ways," said James, and Lily suspected they involved a certain invisibility cloak, but she couldn't fathom how he had been able to get up the girls' staircase without being dumped unceremoniously on their backsides in the common room. She made a mental note to beat the truth out of him later.

"What's the time?" Carrie asked suddenly.

"Eight thirty," Remus said after checking his watch.

"Gotta run," Carrie said apologetically as she jumped to her feet. "I've got some books to take back to the library. Madame Pince will kill me if they're late again."

"Me too, actually," said Peter, scrabbling through his bag. "Wait up." Carrie waited, and presently the two of them headed off to the library.

Chrissy yawned loudly and said, "I'm sure I shouldn't be tired this early."

"Have a shower," Lily suggested. "That generally wakes me up."

"I might just do that," Chrissy said, and got to her feet, stretching. Sirius also got up, but he scowled and walked off up to the boys' dormitories without saying goodnight.

Lily decided to take a chance to interrogate James. "Oh, I've just remembered –" she said quickly, "- I've got books to take back too. I'll have to catch up with Peter and Carrie." The three remaining fifth-years nodded, and behind Jess's back, Lily jerked her head towards James and then towards the portrait hole. Remus raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment. Lily left, then James joined her in the corridor a moment later, and they started to walk.

"What's up?" he asked.

"I want to know how the bloody hell you got up our stairs."

"A magician never reveals his secrets," James said solemnly, and Lily glared.

"Tell me, or I'll be forced to tell the girl about your cloak."

James pretended to consider for a moment, though Lily knew she had won. "Okay, then. I flew."

"Flew?" Lily asked, wondering what the point was. "Isn't that a complete waste of time and effort?"

"It was a dare," James said, and Lily sighed.

"Does that mean you can fit a broom and at least one person under it?"

"At least two," James said. "Remus came too. I couldn't really go on my own, or I could just have lied about whether I sneaked in or not."

"Why am I not surprised?" Lily said resignedly. "The cloak didn't seem that big, though. Did you have to stretch it?"

"Yeah, a stretching jinx works on my cloak because it's so old. The new ones are jinx-resistant so you can't stretch it, cut it and get two cloaks in one."

"People never used to do that before?"

"Not really," James said. "People who could afford cloaks could afford as many cloaks as they wanted, generally speaking. There wouldn't have been any point trying to save money; all the old Pureblood families were rolling in it."

"Oh," Lily said, feeling a little ignorant. Well, not ignorant so much as out-of-place. The two of them fell quiet for a minute, then Lily said, "How did we not notice you?"

"I knocked on the door, waited until one of you came to answer it, then slipped through the gap. You were all fully clothed, don't worry."

"That's lucky."

"If you say so."

Another few minutes passed, in which they passed Mrs Norris three times. Lily kept checking her watch, and she was sure that the cat was waiting for curfew o that she could summon Filch and have them reprimanded for being out of their common room. James also seemed to have noticed this, because he whispered, "Next time she disappears, we'll get the cloak on."  
Lily hadn't even noticed that James had the cloak with him, but she supposed that he could have shrunk it if he could stretch it too. Sure enough, when the cat turned the corner, James pulled the cloak from his pocket and muttered a spell to return it to its normal size. He threw the cloak over the two of them, and they continued their walk along the corridors, which were now lit by hanging lanterns.

"Lily?"

"Yes."

"What should we do about Van Spyk?"

"Do?" Lily was confused.

"We can't not do anything. She's shagging a Death Eater, and doing Merlin knows what else. She could be really dangerous."

Lily bit her lip. "I don't know, James. She really doesn't seem likely to be doing anything really evil."

"How can you say that?" asked James incredulously. "She's a right cow, and she's a Slytherin. She's in a relationship with a Death Eater: what more proof do you want?"

"She's not a cow," Lily said indignantly. "She may be harsh on you, but you're hardly an angel, are you?"

"Neither are you," James pointed out.

"I hand in my homework, though, and I'm not half as loud as you in her lessons."

"That doesn't mean she has the right to be so…"

"Quick on the uptake?"

"That's not what I meant."

"What, then? As far as I can tell, she's a really good teacher and she's not even unfair towards us because we're Gryffindors."

"Lily, you're ignoring the Death Eater issue."

"She's not a Death Eater; I saw her arm, and there's nothing on it."

"How do you know she wasn't covering it up with some kind of charm to make you think she was safe? She knows we saw her, Lily, and you're the one who's telling me she's not stupid. She could have intended you to see her arm and assume she wasn't a Death Eater just because you couldn't see her Mark."

"You've given a lot of thought to the matter."

"I'm right, though, aren't I?"

"I don't know."

James stopped, and Lily followed suit. "Lily, what if she is a Death Eater? I _know_ you don't believe it, but we have to find out. If you're right, it's all well and good, but if I'm right, we've got to get her locked up before she can hurt anyone here."

Lily bit her lip again, thinking hard. "How do we find out? If she's covered up her Mark, there's no way of telling."

"Follow her," James said simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which it probably was to him, Lily reminded herself.

"What good will that do?"

"We can see where she goes and what she does, and if she sees that Death Eater again, maybe even listen in to their conversations. Anything."

Lily sighed. She knew James was right: they had to find out whether Petra was dangerous, but Lily just couldn't imagine her being a Death Eater. Following her couldn't do any harm, though, as long as they weren't caught… "Fine," she decided. "But we're not doing anything stupid. No ridiculous schemes that'll get us caught. If you're right and she's dangerous, we don't want her knowing that we're following her. Agreed?"

"Yep," said James, looking very pleased with himself. "So, when do we start?"

"Erm," replied Lily, not having given this any thought.

"There's no time like the present!" beamed James, and Lily wondered, not for the last time, what she had let herself in for.

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Lily and James crept down to the third floor where Petra's office was, and stopped in front of her door. Lily whispered, "Do you think she's here?"

"There's only one way to find out," James said, and knocked sharply, pulling Lily away as soon as the sound finished echoing around the corridor. They waited, trying not to make a sound, for at least a minute, before James said, "I can't hear anything."

"Wait a bit longer, she could be in the middle of something," Lily said, but James wasn't listening. He had thrown off the cloak and was examining the keyhole to Petra's office. "James, what are you doing?" Lily said in what was the closest to a shriek she could achieve while still whispering.

"I'm breaking in," James said.

"You don't even know she's not going to be in there! Have you got _any_ idea how much trouble you'll be in if she catches you? And if Filch catches you, you'll have to explain why you're trying to break into her office."

"I'll just tell him I was trying to get back some stuff she confiscated," James said nonchalantly, and continued examining the lock.

Lily could see there was no dissuading him, so she pulled out her wand, tapped the lock, and whispered, "Alohamora." Nothing happened.

James looked at her despairingly, and said, "It's not locked by magic. Everyone knows that charm."

"Oh," said Lily, feeling put-out. "How are you going to unlock it then?"

"With this," James said, pulling out what looked like a boiled sweet from his pocket and popping it in his mouth. Seeing Lily's expression, he said, "Egsphndg gbsthbbr."

"What?" Lily said, trying not to laugh.

"Expanding gobstopper," James said as he took it out of his mouth and shoved it into the keyhole.

"That's disgusting," Lily said, but was intrigued all the same.

"They start expanding as soon as they touch your saliva. It's a big challenge to try to finish one."

"You have to suck it faster than it expands?"

"Exactly." After waiting around a minute, the door gave a 'click', and James said, "Bingo." He reached for the handle and pushed the door open.

To Lily's relief, the room was dark, presumably meaning that Petra was elsewhere. However, that meant that she could return at any time. "What are we looking for?" Lily asked as she followed James across the room.

"Anything," he said, and he began to fiddle with the door that led through to the rest of Petra's rooms.

Lily left James to it and began riffling through papers on Petra's desk. Finding nothing more interesting than test papers and half-marked essays, she opened a drawer. Inside were a couple of shoeboxes which Lily didn't have a chance to open because James yelled, "I'm in!" and beckoned her to join him. She hurried over and stepped through the doorway after James.

The room around her was strangely similar to their dormitories. Petra had a four-poster bed, although it was at least twice as big as Lily's. The covers were a deep purple, and the curtains were the same colour, but with a silver trim. Always the Slytherin, Lily thought, smiling. There were several cupboards built into the wall, which Lily assumed would be wardrobes. James went straight for these, but Lily headed instead for Petra's dressing table. Women kept a lot of personal things there, and besides, it caught her eye.

Lily spent the next ten minutes examining Petra's vast jewellery collection rather than searching for clues of Dark activity, but this wasn't helped by the fact that every drawer she opened contained even more jewellery. When she got to the bottom drawer, however, she found a pile of what looked like letters. Picking them up, she called out to James, "I think I've got something!"

James, meanwhile, was looking at a piece of parchment. Suddenly, he said, "She's coming! Quick, grab whatever you can and get out of here."

Lily scrabbled around trying to pick up all the letters she could, and left James to shut the door behind her. "Shut the drawers!" she said frantically, and heard James slamming the desk drawers as they left.

"Accio!" James whispered, pointing his wand at the lock, and the gobstopper, now five times its original size, zoomed into his hand. "Reparo," he finished, and the lock clicked back into position. "With any luck, she'll think she forgot to lock the door. Come on." And he threw the cloak back over the two of them as they hurried away, so that they were round the corner as Petra came into the corridor.

"Where do we go now?" Lily asked once they had put a few corridors and a flight of stairs between themselves and the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher's office.

"Fancy a trip up to that tower?" James asked. "We can't go back to the common room yet, and I don't want to waste time looking for an empty classroom."

"Suits me," Lily said, "as long as it's not too cold up there."

"Oh, it won't be," James reassured her. "It's easy enough to Summon some blankets or a coat, anyway. Our dorm window is always open, just for that purpose."

"You make a habit of sitting on towers and Summoning blankets?" Lily asked curiously.

"You should know that," James grinned, and Lily's stomach gave a flutter. "Actually it's also very useful for throwing Sirius' duvet out of when he won't get up in the morning."

Lily laughed. "Fair enough."

The two of them made their way up to the tower they had sat on after the ball, and settled themselves leaning against the wall as they had before. Lily pulled the bundle of letters from her pocket and handed half to James.

"Let's get reading."

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_First of all, as always (or so it seems), apologies for how long this update has taken. I owe that to all of you, but mostly to Daphna. I promised her I'd have this written before she went away this summer, but it's two months late. I'm so, so sorry. I started to write, and then I had to go back and check a few things, and before i knew it, I was redrafting and rejigging and generally turning everything upside down. I've looked back and seen how much a hate some of the beginning of this story, so I'm going to have to do something about it._

_Here's my plan: I want to change the name of this fic, because it sucks. I also want to rearrange it: combine some chapters, maybe add a couple of little bits, but nothing earth-shattering as far as the plot is concerned, just the writing. However, I have no idea if there's any way of replacing and reducing my number of chapters without deleting all the reviews I already have for the chapters that may not exist once I've reshuffled._

_Can anyone help me? Ideas for how to reshuffle without losing anything, or (this is the fun bit) the title? I assure you that credit will most definitely be given where it's due, and that anyone who can help will have muchos gratitude and lots and lots of virtual cookies. I would give you real cookies, but they would get broken in the post._

_Thanks_

_Becca x_


	26. Enchantment

_"Where do we go now?" Lily asked once they had put a few corridors and a flight of stairs between themselves and the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher's office._

_"Fancy a trip up to that tower?" James asked. "We can't go back to the common room yet, and I don't want to waste time looking for an empty classroom."_

_"Suits me," Lily said, "as long as it's not too cold up there."_

_"Oh, it won't be," James reassured her. "It's easy enough to Summon some blankets or a coat, anyway. Our dorm window is always open, just for that purpose."_

_"You make a habit of sitting on towers and Summoning blankets?" Lily asked curiously._

_"You should know that," James grinned, and Lily's stomach gave a flutter. "Actually it's also very useful for throwing Sirius' duvet out of when he won't get up in the morning."_

_Lily laughed. "Fair enough."_

_The two of them made their way up to the tower they had sat on after the ball, and settled themselves leaning against the wall as they had before. Lily pulled the bundle of letters from her pocket and handed half to James._

_"Let's get reading."_

**Chapter 26**

Almost simultaneously, Lily and James said, "Lumos," and their two wands lit with a warm, white-gold glow. Lily looked down at the top sheet of parchment, and began to read, but the letters shifted before her eyes and she looked away, blinking and shaking her head to try to clear her vision. Looking back again, she frowned, and turned to James.

"I can't read it."

"What?" he asked, leaning over to see the letter Lily was currently perusing.

"See for yourself."

Sure enough, James looked up, frowning. "I don't get it."

"Some kind of scrambling charm, I suppose. Stupid to suspect she'd leave them lying around otherwise," Lily sighed.

James looked back at his own letter. "This one isn't scrambled," he said. "It's written in some kind of code or an obscure language I've never seen before."

Lily took the letter from him. "It looks scrambled to me. How can that happen?"

James leant his head back against the cold stone for a few moments, then looked back at Lily, but winced and rubbed his neck, making Lily smile. "I think it must be a charm that adapts itself."

"How so?"

"I think it makes itself confusing to whoever reads it. I can't decode stuff for shit."

"I can," said Lily, but then her face fell. "But if I can't see the code…"

"It's useless."

"Unless…" Lily was chewing her lip again, a mannerism which often left her with annoyingly sore areas on the right side of her mouth. "Unless you read the code out to me. I could write it down, and try to figure it out."

"That works," said James, with a why-didn't-I-think-of-that look. "Leave it till later, though. Let's just check whether all the letters are charmed; she could have forgotten one or two." Lily doubted it, but didn't argue the point. Instead, she flicked through the pile of befuddling parchment, searching for a legible word or phrase anywhere.

"Hey!"

"What?" James asked eagerly, looking up from his own task.

"What's this doing here? I didn't pick that up." She was looking down at a silver chain with a familiar-looking pendant: the necklace she had borrowed from Petra more than two months before.

"Well, you must have," said James, looking sideways at her. "I didn't bring it out."

"I'm _sure_ I didn't," Lily said, and James jumped a little at her snappishness.

"Well, it doesn't matter," said James in a placatory tone. "It's only a necklace."

"I don't think it is," said Lily, and James raised an eyebrow pityingly.

"You don't always have to be right, you know. No one thinks any less of you for making mistakes."

Lily shot him a withering look, and continued. "It's not about being right." James snorted, but she ignored him. "I borrowed this from Van Spyk for Halloween, and I thought then that it felt enchanted. I found myself wearing it a couple of times without remembering putting it on, but I thought I'd just done it automatically or something." James looked at her reproachfully, and she said, quietly, "It didn't seem like a big deal at the time…"

"Not a big deal? Lily, you know how dangerous stuff like this can be. How could you go and wear something you don't know anything about?"

Lily felt her temper rising. It wasn't her fault he was overreacting, and she certainly didn't believe there was anything dangerous or harmful in the necklace. "Because generally, James, when you borrow something from someone, you don't expect plots to kill or maim you from every side. Why are you so paranoid?"

"I'm not paranoid, I've just got common sense, something which you seem to lack."

"I'm not made of crystal, James! I can look after myself."

"Yeah, because you're doing that _so_ well right now."

"If there was something wrong with that necklace, I would have known."

"No you wouldn't. You don't know anything about magical artefacts or Dark spells."

"I've done as much Defence Against the Dark Arts as you have," Lily pointed out indignantly."

"That doesn't mean a damn thing. You haven't grown up with magic; you don't know how it works like I do."

"Oh, so I'm suddenly inferior because I'm Muggle-born, is that it?" Lily's nostrils flared, and she glared at James with a look reminiscent of both his mother and Professor McGonagall. He blanched.

"Lily, I didn't mean that. I just meant that my mum works at the Ministry, so she's come into contact with stuff like this before, and…" he trailed off, defeated by Lily's expression.

"Stuff like this? James, you're _assuming_ there's something wrong with this necklace. A moment ago you were laughing at me for insisting that I didn't mean to pick that necklace up –"

"I didn't laugh at you! Lily –"

"- and now you're trying to persuade me that I'm in mortal danger just from wearing it a couple of times."

"Look, just give it here, would you?"

"Why? So you can use your magnificent Defence skills on it, Mr. Auror wannabe?"

"Lily, just give it here. It could be dangerous."

"That's not what you were saying a few minutes ago."

"Give it to me, Lils."

She was rather enjoying herself now. "What makes you think you're any better equipped to deal with it than I am, hm?"

"Lily –" James made a grab for the necklace, but Lily swung it out of his reach.

"Hm?"

"_Lily_ –" this time he threw himself across the yard or so of stone floor separating them and wrapped his fingers around the chain.

The next thing Lily knew, she was lying flat on her back, staring at a golden, pre-dawn sky. Groaning at the throbbing ache at the back of her skull, she raised her head and looked at the prone form of James Potter lying a few yards away.

She kicked out. "Potter."

James grunted.

"_Potter_," she called, louder this time.

"What?" James raised his head too, then quickly lowered it, clearly suffering from the same headache as Lily.

"What did you do?"

James screwed his face up in concentration, clearly trying to remember exactly what _had_ happened, but then shrugged. It was an interesting effect, thought Lily in amusement, trying to shrug lying down. "I don't know. I don't remember much, apart from grabbing that necklace."

Yes, the necklace: Lily had almost forgotten that. "Where is it?" she asked, sitting up and looking around. She turned to James, half-expecting him to be holding it.

"Dunno." He sat up too. "Hang on, is that it?" He was pointing to a glint in the shadows on the other side of the tower.

Lily clambered to her feet, grimacing. "I think it may have been raining last night."

"You think?" James tugged at his own cold, damp shirt. "That may be the understatement of the century."

Lily absent-mindedly wiped her eye with one finger, took a glance at the black streak now adorning her hand, and scowled. Lovely to know how good you must look after a nice cold shower. In fact, she was surprised the rain hadn't woken them.

When she voiced this thought, James replied, "It's not that odd, really. Magical blackouts generally only end when a spell is used or when the magic wears off. Cold water doesn't have much effect."

"Fair enough," Lily said, and strolled over to the other side of the tower, well aware of James's eyes on her as she walked. She bent down, about to pick it up, when James interrupted her thoughts.

"Are you sure you should touch it?"

Lily shrugged. "Why not? We know it doesn't do anything worse than knock you out for a few hours."

"That's still no reason to be touching it when you don't have to," James said, but it was too late. Lily had already straightened up, the necklace clutched in her hand. James sighed. "Do you _ever_ listen to me?"

"Nope," said Lily, then smiled. "You know I do; stop being melodramatic."

"Says the queen of overreacting," James grinned, but Lily didn't retort, just laughed.

"Look, it hasn't done me any harm. Maybe it just doesn't like you."

"Then explain why it knocked you out too."

Lily pursed her lips. "Fine, maybe it wasn't just you. But it really isn't doing any damage: look." She dropped it into her other hand, and the silver gleamed in the morning light. "Catch."

James caught the pendant without so much as a glance, and let the chain fall, still glinting, to dangle onto the stone floor. "Seriously, Lily, I think I should keep it for now."

"Why?"

"It could be dangerous."

"Don't be an arse," Lily said, laughing. "Why should it be any less dangerous for you to keep it than me?"

James ran a hand through his (very messy) morning hair, and said, "You might wear it."

"So might you," Lily retorted, and James grinned.

"As enamoured as I am with Slytherin jewellery, I have no particular urge to parade around in my Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher's necklace."

"Neither have I," Lily said, "but that didn't stop it finding its way onto my neck, did it?"

"It's different for you," James replied. "You're a girl."

Lily laughed. "So what? You think whoever enchanted the necklace made it gender-specific? Highly unlikely."

"But possible," James said, trying to retain some kind of control over the conversation. "Seriously, Lily, I'd be much happier if I had it."

"And I wouldn't," Lily said.

James sighed. "Fine. Are you prepared to compromise?"

Lily folded her arms and looked at James, who was now propped up against the far wall. "That depends on the terms of compromise."

James rolled his eyes. "Do you ever come out with anything that doesn't sound like it's been extracted from a textbook?"

"Don't look at me like I'm the only geek round here, James Potter. You're such a hypocrite." Lily was smiling as she spoke, and James grinned too.

"I'm not a geek: I'm an intellectual." He gave a winning smile (and Lily had to admit that it _was_ a winning smile).

"And I'm the Queen of Sheba," she countered.

"Welcome to Hogwarts, Your Majesty." James got to his feet and gave a sweeping bow.

"I could get used to this," Lily said, laughing, but inwardly thought that you could tell he was old money, just from his mannerisms and the ease with which he gave his (nevertheless over-exaggerated) airs and graces. There was something in the Pureblood class divide, although she thought it was strangely wasted without a feudal system to accompany it. It was strange, she thought, to be contemplating things from this point of view. Normally she would deny that the Purebloods were in any way superior, but in some things they did have a clear advantage. Not in intelligence or magical ability, but in their understanding of wizarding society, and the history of all their old traditions. It was the difference, she realised, between the old English aristocracy and the _nouveau riche_.

Lily was always fascinated by the idea of the gentry and their old world. She had always thought she would have loved to be one of them, back in the days when class mattered and etiquette had to be observed, but now she wondered if that was a little hypocritical of her. She could understand the 15th Century gentry's wish to stay apart from the masses, and she criticised the Purebloods for doing the same. That didn't make it right, of course, but it made the debate more difficult and the moral line even less distinct.

"What was your plan of compromise, then?" Lily asked.

"Well…" James grinned. "Seeing as I'm so fabulous…"

"I'm glad someone thinks so," Lily muttered, and James pointedly ignored her.

"…I know many a hiding place in this ol' castle."

"You surprise me," Lily said dryly.

"Do I? That's nice. Anyway, there's this loose brick near the entrance to the Ravenclaw common room that would be perfect to hide it behind. What say you?"

"Lead the way, m'lord."

Once the necklace had been safely stowed away, Lily turned to James and said, "What do we do with it now, then?"

James frowned. "I thought the point of hiding it was so that we didn't have to do anything with it."

Lily sighed. "Dear me, aren't you even a little bit curious?"

James grinned. "You know me too well. I don't see how we can really find out what it is without asking Van Spyk, though."

"No? Well, the library's always my first port of call, followed by…well, followed by something else. I've always found the answer in the library, so I've never had to invent Plan B, but I'm sure we can come up with something. If we can't find it in the library, that is."

"I hate the library. I can never find what I want, and Madam Pince seems to hate me so she's never any help…" sighed James.

"Could that possibly be because she caught you drawing rude pictures in the back cover of _Hogwarts: A History_?"

"That was Sirius, not me!" James whined, and Lily chuckled.

"Guilty by association," she said matter-of-factly, and James scowled.

"That woman will hate me forever."

"I don't doubt it," Lily laughed, and James frowned again at her lack of sympathy. "Look, she may hate you, but she loves me, so I'm sure we'll be fine. She _might_ even help us."

"_All_ teachers love you," James grumbled.

"Who doesn't?"

"All the sane inhabitants of the world."

Lily elbowed him, and he winced. "Bloody hell, woman! Violence isn't the answer to everything, you know."

"I've yet to find something it can't solve," Lily said, and they both grinned, although James did so reluctantly, still rubbing his upper arm.

The two of them made their way back to Gryffindor tower, where they had a few minutes to clean themselves up and, in James's case, ruffle their hair, before their dorm-mates woke. The two had an unspoken agreement that no one would tell of their night-s exploits, although how each knew that the other would keep mum, neither could say. Apart from a few furtive glances at breakfast, no one would know that anything had transpired, and Lily was feeling quite pleased with herself by the time the Gryffindors made their way to their first lesson, Defence Against the Dark Arts.

Professor Van Spyk was in her usual morning mood: tetchy, dry and sarcastic. Lily couldn't help thinking that she seemed a little preoccupied, and her mind jumped immediately to contemplate her secret relationship. She wondered absent-mindedly whether there had been some sort of problem, or whether Petra was just having a bad day, and was therefore so engrossed in her thoughts that she wasn't paying attention when asked to recite what should have been a simple definition, earning glares from half of the class as five points were taken from Gryffindor. This didn't stop Lily wondering, however, and the rest of the morning was spent this way. Lily didn't see James again, but made her way to the library all the same, thinking that she could do some research alone if need be.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x

_Just to clear up a bit of confusion: when I said I wanted to edit and shuffle this story around, I didn't mean that I was putting it on hold. That would be frustrating both for me and for you, and I have no intention of doing that. However, I could really do with some moral support here: even those of you who don't normally review, could you please, please, please give me some constructive criticism? I really don't mind if you loved parts of this story or hated them, so long as you let me know what you think. I can take the style of bits you like and rejig bits you didn't like so that they suit you more, but I really can't improve unless I get some feedback. I'm not asking for compliments; I'd much rather get criticism at this point in time (I know I'm asking for it here, but it's true to a certain extent) and be able to improve. I won't expect review from all of you evry chapter, but it would be fabulous if everyone said something. I know that's never going to happen, but if I get even one in ten of you to give me an idea of how you feel about this fic, then that would be so much more help than I'm getting at the moment. For those of you who do faithfully review, many thanks, and you should know that it's **always **appreciated._

_Thanks,_

_(a very hopeful) Becca x_

_PS. you know you don't wanna make me sad...a sad Becca is not a Becca inspired to write..._


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